Sunday, June 17, 2007

Chapter Forty Three - Keeping The Faith

OK, so I’m struggling. It had all been such fun during the summer months. I’d swanned along to speed dating and Wine Not?, slightly nervous but carried along on the promise of a fun summer. I’d taken a glorious week in the intense singles heat in Gran Canaria and have had thousands of hits on my Woman To Woman website. But now things have become all rather grey and drab. I’ve won and lost Adrian to my best friend! And I an only be thrilled for them....(!) I’ve dated mega celebrity Paul Ashkuri only to find that I’d been made a fool out of, and have met and spoken to so many guys that I no longer really know WHAT I want! On top of this, Jennifer has arrived and is rapidly taking over my life - it’s like a strange osmosis, the way that she is slowly depleting my personality whilst gradually getting her life back on track. These November days are short and cold and I’m tired and bored of the rain. It seems that where I’m missing my summer wardrobe, feeling drab and boring in my winter clothes, somehow Jennifer is positively glowing! I know that her part time job in the sunbed job helps no end, but it’s the way that she’s embraced the whole autumn ‘look’ and looks fabulous in her tight jeans, knee high boots and huge chunky knits. If I ever wanted somebody to snuggle up to in these cold nights, it’s now. And I’m desperate for a special ‘friend’ to share my life with. In all honestly, if it wasn’t for Rob calling in and texting a few times a week, I don’t know what I’d do. Tam and Ade have been dating steadily for the last few weeks and it’s all rather painful. It’s a subject that Rob and I don’t discuss - and that ADDS to the discomfort of it all.
I’ve debated numerous times over the last few months whether staying ‘single’ means remaining celibate - would that one night stand with NO intention of a long term relationship qualify as staying single? I’ve also questioned whether I should be dating at all? But does one date mean I’m not single anymore? It’s a grey area and all rather confusing! It was an email that I received from ‘Christian Carter’ that got me thinking about how, ultimately, we all want to be with somebody. Nobody chooses to be lonely, and being ‘alone’ is entirely different from being lonely. So I get this email, ‘Finding Love Online’ and it made me think about the concept of Mr Right! I’m savvy enough to realise that there IS no Mr Right, and yet I’m hopelessly romantic enough too continue hoping that I’m wrong. So I’ve decided to go with the advice - I won’t be ordering the CD collection, but can see some sense in checking out where these ‘smart and successful’ men are. I’m going to dive right into my account and see whether I can make some genuine ‘friends’....

Delaney wants me to check out more stuff for dating scene and wants me to check out more millionaire dating sites! I‘ve had a reassuring trickle of ‘interest‘ from the guys on but none of them are what I‘d be looking for. I‘m not sure if it‘s the money, but there‘s an air of arrogance - guys saying how NOT to waste their time if you‘re not fun-loving/attractive/slim/open minded, because they‘re REALLY fussy. And it‘s all led me to remind myself about WHY I wanted to stay single in the first place. It’s especially difficult when you find yourself falling for somebody. It’s tough when you have that ‘special someone’ in your life who is there and then suddenly isn’t and then is, once again. It slightly pulls the rug from beneath your feet and so I decided that this weeks relationship rehab is in loving memory of why I began this crazy project ...

Relationship Rehab - week 29

November sucks. Short days and long nights coupled with empty beds and cold sheets is NOT what I’d signed up for. So here are my reminders WHY I wanted to stay single for a year...
- When you’re single you can do WHAT you want WHEN you want.
- You don’t have to think before you speak and don’t have to spend 65% of time doing what someone else wants.
- You CHOOSE to be single, which means deciding NOT to stay in watching Lost and wading through cookery books.
- You’re amongst a huge chunk of the London community -
apparently there are nearly 2,500,000 singletons in London alone! So, surely, it can’t be that bad.
- You are free to go out with your friends and go wild whenever you want to - or THEY want you to!
- Your mind is free and primed to concentrate on your career.
- It’s liberating to find people attractive without feeling the need to take it any further. It’s nice to remember that, just because THEY like YOU, it doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate it. Deciding to remain single means accepting their kind words and attention as flattery but remembering that you don’t need to dive in!

I’ve also become an expert at escaping Quasimodo who invariably corners me in any nightclub that I find myself in. My avoidance/escape tactics now include,
- pretending that my mobile is ringing/vibrating,
- pretending to fall asleep,
- rushing to the toilet, only to return to the bar via the ‘scenic’ route,
- dancing really weird so that he’s freaked out,
- starting to talk about what ‘our house’ will be like in the future, preferably with a dreamy-like look in my eyes,
- be sick and feign drunkenness - preferably on his shoes!

Yes - I’m shoe-horning myself into being convinced that being single for a year WAS the best decision. And I’ve only got about 5 months left to go..... My biggest hurdle will be Christmas, slap-bang in middle of those 5 months. I’m already cringing at the prospects of the season of coupledom, Doris Day crooning in the snow, kisses under the mistletoe and George Michael twinkling Last Christmas. I always wanted to stay in that log cabin with all those gorgeous and fun-loving people from that video......

I can see that my resolve needs to remain strong!


I’m busy minding my own business at my desk when my fabulous assistant calls me over to look at some messages on-screen. On my account, a John Pamenter has sent me a friend request and he’s looking rather mysterious, what with his silhouette photo and severe lack of ‘profile’. With a url name of ’let me love you one more time’ I can deduct that he’s either a mega George Benson fan - or an egoistical gigolo...

I’ve been at my desk since 7.15am - it’s tough living with Jen again after so long - we haven’t lived under the same roof since we left home in our late teens and it’s worse now than ever. She’s even more untidy and lazy than ever and I‘m not convinced that she‘s not still indulging in the odd line of coke now and again too. I found a light dusting of powder on the kitchen worktop but she was aggrieved when I mentioned it to her - insisting that it was icing sugar from the pastries that Rob had bought around last night. She annoys me, the way she is with Rob. She is overly flirty and it’s all rather embarrassing. Mind you, she’s generally showing an all round unhealthy interest in my legion of ‘admirers‘, although, as far as I’m concerned, she’s welcome to them!

She’s already asked me whether she can stay until Christmas, with the plan to travel to Mum’s LA wedding together and promising that she’ll head back for Dublin straight away on our return. I’m just not sure. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and I can’t help but feeling a little down and miserable. Nothing is right at the moment, and she just doesn’t help. Things have to get better. Don’t they?

Chapter Forty Two
Chapter Forty Four

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