Monday, July 30, 2007

Chapter Sixty Four - Unclear Fallout

We wake again at about 9am, still snuggled in the spoons position, his hands cupping my boobs. We’re so cosy, our contours fitting perfectly, that I don’t want to move but I feel his breathing change and know that he’s awake too. I don’t want the magic to end but the day has begun and the mood has already slightly shifted.
“You gotta go work today?“
“Ugh, yeah!“ I reply to his question and realise that everybody will know that I spent the night with Ade. My customary lateness never exceeds 15 minutes, so walking in after 10 ‘o’clock will be like wearing a sandwich board, emblazoned with ‘YEAH! I DID IT!“. Embarrassing.
I ask Ade the same question and he tells me that he has to be at work too.
Great - now BOTH of our offices will know that we spent the night together.
If only they knew that it was hardly the shag-fest that they’re probably imagining.
In reality, as much as I like him, sexually - it was hardly worth it. We’ll get it right though; given a little time.
Ade yawns,
“Jesus, I’m knackered,” he pulls me tight to him again in a bear hug and his chest hair feels prickly against my back, “I wish we could stay here all day.”
“Hmmm,” I murmur, “me too. But we’re late enough as it is. It’s going to be a tough day and I’m going to need to stop at Starbucks for a massive strong coffee to keep myself awake until lunchtime.”
He groans and lets me go, pulling the sheets over his head as I walk towards the bathroom.


Today at work was tough, as I’d expected. After showering and calling in at home for a swift change of clothes, it felt strange arriving at the office together - us both going our separate ways at the lifts. It made me feel a bit awkward in front of Ellie, who gave us both a smirk in that I-miss-nothing way that only receptionists can. I’d hardly taken off my jacket before Delaney whisked me into her office to show me the video footage that was filmed at the rink last night - was it ONLY last night! - and I’m relieved to find that I don’t look overly fat/clumsy/idiotic/needy/ridiculous. They’ve already loaded it to the site but have cut off the action at the point of me stressing over whether to go with Ade or not. It’s going to be interesting to see what the public think I should have done.
If only they knew that I’d already gone off in the helicopter with Ade AND had spent the night with him in The Dorchester.
I wonder how many of them will tell me to go with him?

I’m glad to be home and feel sick with tiredness. I’ve been desperate to text or call Ade all day. Maybe a cheeky text to ask whether he’s as tired as I am or a secret email checking that he hasn’t fallen asleep at his desk. I restrained myself rather well and now, as I dig into my bowl of pasta and Dolmio sauce my stomach leaps with the buzz of my mobile.
It’s a text.
From Ade.

Hey u! Been half
all day.
Early nite 2nite.

How r u? x

I reply immediately,

Me 2. Going
bed soon.
was work? x

I manage to fork in another 3 mouthfuls between replies. He comes back with,

Work was shite. Going
now. 2 sleep this time ;) x

Warmed by his mentioning that we were up all night, I reply,

Yes. We were a bit
naughty weren’t we?

Nice tho wasn’t it... x

And there’s no reply. I finish my bowl of pasta and continue to check my phone as I go to the bedroom and strip off. As I climb between the chilly sheets I wish I’d pulled my cosy pyjamas from the ironing pile but am too distracted by the silence screaming from my mobile! Scrolling through the menus I find that it’s over half an hour since I sent my last message. Either he’s fallen asleep or he’s ignoring me. I can’t help myself as I key in,

Oi! No reply? x

I feel a little sick at his lack of response but sleep soon overwhelms me and I’m gone. A deep warm sleep that’s way overdue....


Rob sits in Tamsin’s lounge flicking through her TV channels. She’s only been away a few days and yet the house has a chill to it already. She’s due to return from her log cabin break tonight and he’d promised to call in with some milk and to turn on the heating for her. He hates waiting and is tormented by her computer, sitting, staring at him from it’s corner. He knew that Sophie’s dilemmas had started this week and as much as he hates the idea of WATCHING her on a date with another guy he can’t hold himself back. Almost robotically he finds himself walking toward the computer and pressing the ‘ON’ button. He was going to have to watch and see what happened.


I wake before my alarm clock and for a fleeting few seconds I feel a contentment; a serenity that comes with those first moments of the day between sleep and awake. And then a ball of doubt bounces in my stomach as I recall my text message to Ade that was left hanging last night. Grappling for my phone beside my bed I flip it open to check for a reply. Still nothing.
And I have to go into work today and talk to Delaney about the second date. WHICH, by the way, is tomorrow night. I’ve hardly had the chance to get over date 1 before I’m going out on date 2. But then again, it didn’t mention anywhere in the small print that I was supposed to jump into bed with one of the guys and REALLY complicate the issue!

I manage to wait until lunchtime before I text Ade. I can’t help myself and know that I probably shouldn’t, but I’m eaten up by his silence and tormented that he thinks I’m an easy ride - given how I was seduced by him into sex, albeit that I feel that this is going to be the beginning of a great relationship. I try to be chipper and send him,

Hey Ade. That was all
a bit bonkers last night.
How about we go out and
get to know each other properly. x

I feel a little sick when he replies,

Yep, could go out. But I don’t want
to waste ur time. x

and some alarm bells begin to ring somewhere in the far distance of my brain. I’m being a bit slow, probably due to slight lack of sleep and the trauma to my body of having sex for the first time in months and months, so I text him,

How wld u b wastin my
time? I don’t make a habit
spending nite with guy I don’t like!

And then it hits me. I’ve made a massive mistake. My stomach lurches and every nerve ending in my body is wincing as I wait for his non existent response. There is none, so I follow up with,

Have I just read that wrong. Is
that a polite way of saying
don’t want 2 take things
Best 2 b honest.

And then it comes. The drop-kick in the chest and I have to sit down to prevent my legs from folding beneath me. I read his words but they don’t register in my head. I suppose it’s disbelief...

Sorry 4 not being direct.
want 2 take further as
4 something different

I am truly devastated.
Gutted and broken.
My head is spinning as if there isn’t enough blood to circulate.!
Different to what?
Different? Or BETTER?
Younger? Older? Thinner? Fatter? Harder to get???
My eyes are filling with tears and yet I’m not pulling that gurning face that I usually do when I cry. It’s as if my eyes are crying FOR me. A huge teardrop splashes down onto my mobile phone and slides from the screen, disappearing down between the keys.
I have to reply...

Wow. Now I feel crap.
4 being honest.
Kick in the guts
always teaches
a lesson eh?
I’m gutted u did this.

Chapter Sixty Three
Chapter Sixty Five

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