Friday, June 22, 2007

Chapter Forty Seven - Suddenly I See!

I’ve just realized that my best-friend (my long-term one, as opposed to my new one (i.e., Rob!)) is a serial girlfriend. When she was with Pete she displayed characteristics that made me suspect it, but after the conversation that we’ve just had on the phone I’ve decided that it’s a dead cert. The woman has drifted from Pete to Ade seamlessly. From what she’s saying it’s as if she hasn’t realized she’s with a different guy! OK, so she’s mentioned that Ade is far better endowed that Pete (I didn’t want to know that – for 2 reasons! One – I don’t even want to know about Pete’s wedding tackle and Two – the thoughts of her playing around with Ade make me green with envy!), and she’s commented on Pete being more emotionally mature than Ade – which is no surprise given that he’s about 15 years older! She’s talking to me as though she’s living a dream that she’s still with Pete and he’s left his wife. Listening to her mooning about moving in with Adrian and how he’s the only man that she wants to have sex with for the rest of her life is rather bizarre. They’ve only been together for a month. Talk about fast-tracking! I can just imagine Adrian cringing at all of this. And it’s obvious that she’s not telling me in a girlie-secret way - she’s quite open and honest about it all with Ade too. But maybe he isn’t cringing? Maybe he wants the long term deal?
Which is all rather hard to take on board.
Have you ever spoken to a friend and listened to her rant or coo over something, but you just know that they’ve got it all wrong? What do you do? Speak up and tell her and risk bursting her bubble, or simply nod and agree until the time is right for a cosy chat? It’s a taboo subject for me to discuss with her – the whole concept of ‘Adrian’. Then again, she didn’t hesitate to jump in there once she knew that I was well out of the way.
If I was with a new guy, ‘Adrian’, no! Just a new guy that I really liked then I’d want to be made to feel special – not even made to feel special, just to feel special naturally! I’d want some quality time for us to get to know each other – something more to build some special memories on rather than watching him on his laptop on a Saturday night or being complacent as he turns up in his shabby jogging bottoms night after night. There’s enough time for all that ten years down the line! I want to look forward to that excitement about meeting up, the flapping and fussing over how to make the effort to look dead sexy and to watch his face light up when he sees you. I want to see that lust in their eye, that wanting, greedy look as they look at you across the table. I want the frisson, the fun, the thrill of being in company or being in a sweaty, packed nightclub or pub and knowing that they just can’t wait to get you home and have you all to themselves. I’d be desperate for the excitement and turbulence – which would be the cause of hundreds of phone calls to my friends – as we’d ponder and over-analyse every move, every word as I’d try to dissect whether he’s as much into me as I’d be in to them….
And then it would find a calmer level as we’d move into that tranquil zone of the warm glow as we’d have the intrigue and interest that takes place over the following months as we’d have got all of that frantic sex down to a fine art and we’d begin to learn about who we are and about our lives and families.
Tamsin must be mad, fast-tracking through these potentially heady weeks. She’s Dr Who’ing by living in the future – but it’s a future that Ade isn’t ready to learn about. I’d estimate that she’s about 4 years ahead of herself and all she wants is for Ade to go to her place and to cook for him. She’s sloppy in her shorts and ‘homely’ t-shirts and vests and looks forward to snuggling up and watching DVD’s together. But you can’t do that every night!
Can you?
And I was seriously surprised at the aggravated tone in her voice when she told me that he’d refused her offer on Saturday night, to bring his laptop around to her place and for him to work on her new idea for his Geezer column, in front of the television. She’s trying to bury the Ade Gets Laid tag and is encouraging him to write a new one to replace it – Gimme The Pipe & Slippers! No, not really, but it might as well be. She wants him to approach his boss with a new column idea that embraces the notion that all a man really wants is Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen, Sienna Miller on his arm and Miss Whiplash in the bedroom!

Strange then, that she seems to have turned into Andy from Little Britain!


Ade sat at his desk, dreading the thoughts of the weekend. He used to love Fridays – a few beers at lunchtime with the lads and then a few more after work, followed by a curry somewhere unsavoury. He’d always made a point of cooking something really funky at some point over the weekend and often a mate or two would call over and they’d watch the footie together. During his Ade Gets Laid hey-day he’d be out on a Saturday night looking for his next conquest. A complete contrast to his life now! He’d have been more than happy to settle for something in between that lifestyle and this one. It had really gone from a Peter Stringfellow existence to a Jim Royle one. Tam was a nice girl. But a boring one. And where he’d initially thought that perhaps her coming onto him was a prelude to pave the way for Sophie, the trail hadn’t so much gone cold so much as frozen over entirely.
He had to say something to her, but he hated hurting people. It was obvious to him that he was simply a replacement for Pete and that she was space-hopping her way through this rebound.
He had to do it before Christmas.
It was a shit time to break up a relationship by any standards, so to have it out of the way before mid December was crucial.


It’s 16.39 on a Friday afternoon and I’m desperate to get out of here and go home. Jennifer has said that she’s working on late shift at Tanfastic – which is Fan-fucking-tastic! It means that she won’t be home till late. The shop closes at 10pm and then they’ll all go out in a little bevy of orange glow and with the scent of burning skin as they bundle into the nearest wine bar. I have an evening completely to myself. So why do I feel the urge to spend it with Rob? Am I being needy? That dreaded word! Maybe Rob has plans? I’ve been thinking lots this afternoon about the Adrian and Tam situation and it’s made me see that things aren’t as rosy as they seem. And that has made me wonder about lots of things. I suddenly have 20/20 vision and can see with immense clarity that I’ve been on a right downer for the last few weeks. I’ve been really selfish and it’s all been about ‘me’. I haven’t once really considered how things are for Ade. Maybe he was telling the truth when he relentlessly apologised for his lousy behaviour. Maybe Trevor Malone was a key player in setting up the hideous situation.
But it’s too late now. It would seem wrong for me to contact him and any comments I make to Tamsin suggesting that she cool off a little, would be seen as bitterness and envy.
So I’ll say nothing.
For now.

Chapter Forty Six
Chapter Forty Eight

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