What made me decide to stay single for a year?
Well, actually loads of them, with their paper thin, pathetic dumping lines.
But maybe they're right - it's 'not them, it's me'....
- I'm notorious for dragging my feet,
- I ponder with decisions for way too long,
- I never go with my Gut Instinct as the first option,
- I'd love to be the 'one-who-dumps', rather than the 'one-who-has-just-been-dumped-again-for-some-pathetic-reason'.
And the pathetic reasons?
- The 'I-need-more-space' get-out clause..... and then you see him falling down the cleavage of some tourist in Camden only a week later.
- The 'It's-not-you-it's-me' break-it-to-her-gently approach.... and there I was thinking that one was a sexist joke that stand-up comedians bandied about, along with the shabby mother-in-law jokes. Take it from me, guys really use it. And they really believe that you believe them...
- And if the sentence ever begins with "My Mum thinks...' then you know what's coming.... I've been subjected to 'My-Mum-says-I'm-too-good-for-you,' and the kinder, 'My-Mum-thinks-you're-too-old/young/independent-for-me.'
Trust me - they get worse.
How about, 'I have to break it off. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose.'
And then there's the guys themselves. I use the term loosely - if I hadn't seen for myself I'd place high odds that they'd lost their balls years ago. I have a rather embarrassing 'portfolio'. The chat-show host who talked too much, the potter who was clumsy and awkward with his hands and the stylist who adored his own reflection -constantly harping on about my own 'severe lack of style'. So it only took one small, and very quick phone call to put me off men.
For an entire year.