There's nothing like the thoughts that it's all pre-meditated.
How to make somebody feel like crap?
These guys are pure wickedness...
Send em in to Pulling Power at singlesophieregan@yahoo.co.uk
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Chapter Forty Five - My Cartoon Life
I should feel great, but I don’t. I feel depressed and grey. Kind of like the weather. I should wake up every morning like Jennifer does. She’s relentlessly straight into the shower, exfoliating her entire body in preparation for yet another 6 minutes under the sunbed and then in front of the mirror, perfecting her hair for the best part of half an hour with the straighteners. It isn’t helping that she’s got a part time job in the sunbed shop. It’s made her even more image conscious and it’s going to be tough, confronting her and telling her she’s starting to look like Donatella Versace, but it’s going to have to happen soon. Sadly, her presence is having a profoundly negative effect on me and I feel like I did when we were children – as if I’m constantly baulking in her shadow. And to think that she’d came here as a rescue mission! I’d forced myself to be so giving at a time when I really hadn’t wanted to, and now I feel worse than ever. I’m bored and pissed off, opening my front door every morning to charcoal clouds and then rain, which only frizzes my partly straightened hair anyway – so what IS the point? I feel as though I’m living two lives. The life I feel stuck in at the moment is the downtrodden and tired life where I want to move to the country – preferably somewhere hot and exotic like Western Australia – and be hopelessly in love with a macho sheep shearer where I could live comfortably in ripped jeans and white t-shirts. My figure would be fantastically toned due to the physical exertion of being a human sheep-dog and rounding up the sheep, coupled with a to-die-for tan. There’d be no need to choose to stay single or be bothered by men as my muscled hunk would completely love me for who I am and no other guy would dare approach me out of respect for him. And because they would know that our love was indestructible. But instead, I have this life. Schlepping to work, like a reprimanded teenager, every morning in the dark is no fun. I’ve given up trying to put on a plastic smile for the paparazzi and, probably because of this, they’ve become bored of me too. Ironically and bizarrely my quest to stay single has actually made me rather lonely! It’s made me realise that I have been lonely, all along. The insurgence of emails and bouquets was magnificent and overwhelming at first, but the gestures soon revealed themselves as shabby, flimsy bolstering of male ego. So I continue to trudge to Woman To Woman, slowly forcing my good old English ‘stiff-upper-lip’ as I prepare to laugh and charm my co-workers, the general public and the legions of media contacts that I now have as a result of this stupid idea. I trip off the train and march, head-down, along with the other suits as we scurry like robots and dissipate off to our office blocks. I feel like something from a Disney cartoon. We’d all be painted in greys and browns, our offices tall and imposing giants set against a backdrop of, hey, more grey! I’ dream of re-painting myself onto a scene where everybody has a vivid colour to depict a life outside of work. There’d be all the glorious gay guys flourishing in cerise pinks, the lesbian lovers reading magazines like Diva and checking funky sites like Biva as they hold hands and jump over those bizarre rainbows that lesbianism seems to be associated with. The children would be bright yellows and reds and blues and we would all smile as we breezed into work in technicolour. And of course, the sky would be permanently azure… OK, so that made the walk to work slightly more pleasant! Reality check kicks in immediately,
“Regan? Could you come straight in here please? Angela? Any chance of some coffees too? Oh, and could you ring and order some bagels please too, Angela?”
Dear God – why does Delaney do that? It’s the last thing I need – her rubbing AJ up the wrong way, and surely it could have waited until I’d taken off my coat? Time to shoe-horn on my smile and Miss-Happy-Go-Lucky-Personality. This is tedious!
I enter Delaney’s office and am shocked to see that there are two other people already in there. I smile, rabbit-in-the-headlights, at the two gorgeous men who both immediately stand and shake my hand firmly. Delaney chips in,
“Sophie? This is Darren Ellis and Ross Byrne. They’re from a media company and have a fabulous idea to work with us on Relationship Rehab. They’re setting up a website called Sophie Dilemma and they have some brilliant media ideas for us.”
Inwardly I’m groaning. Just when I thought I could hide under a rock for the duration of the winter months and let the days drift into months until this farce is all over! Now I have to change gear and rev myself up! Once again I paste on the cheeky grin,
“Oh, how interesting! OK,” I shuffle in my seat and blush. Darren is exceedingly handsome with his glistening blue eyes, shaved hair, perfect teeth and Ben Sherman shirt. How embarrassing! I can feel my neck and cheeks as they heat up and now even my eyes are hot! I bet he’s super-impressed with me! ‘Sophie Regan the legacy of independent women who choose to stay single!‘ What a joke. What a fool. Thankfully, Delaney breaks the silence but not before I notice her frowning slightly at me, a bemused ‘what the fuck’s going on with you? You’re like a beetroot!’ look sparking in her eyes.
“OK,guys. So tell Sophie what you’d like to do.” Before they can begin, she stands and opens her office door,
“Angela? Any word on those bagels?”
I turn to see AJ scowling as she looks up from her computer screen and half-mumbles,
“They’ll be here in 5 minutes.”
“Great!” Delaney sings and closes the door once again. “OK, Darren, you want to kick off?”
He looks at me and I feel a ping somewhere in my groin, as if my knicker-leg elastic has broken. Only I’m wearing my big knicks and know that the elastic is more than generous. The ping is purely down to Darren’s direct stare.
Just like when I used to look at Adrian.
Oh no, not again!
*
Jennifer adored living with Sophie again. It was just like when they were children, only better! Sophie was still the sensible one, tidying up as if it was her life’s work and being all domesticated and boring. But Jen figured that it was great - as long as Sophie insisted on keeping the house nice it simply gave her more time for herself. She was looking fantastic - better than she had done for years and she was convinced that this new lifestyle she’d conjured for herself was the complete raison d’etre. And talking of her linguistic skills, she’d met a gorgeous guy in the sunbed shop last week. He’d called in quickly between deals and she’d got chatting to him - after buying a few grams for herself. Sophie would go bonkers if she knew she was still sniffing the odd line here and there, but all the girls and the customers at TanFastic were all doing it, so she would look like a dried up old hag if she didn’t join in. Anyway, she knew instantly that he was not to be let walk out of her life. She’d got chatting to him and he’d asked her what her French was like. She bluffed and bullshitted and basically lied through her teeth as she’d inflated her basic ‘can I have a beer please’ and ‘do you speak English’ into a fluent bilingual talent. He’d gone on to rub his forehead as he’d told her that he’d been over in France to acquire some more ‘produce’ and had parked his car in a public car park only to return and find that somebody had hit it and caused over £12,000 of damage to his Range Rover Vogue V8. He’d laughed it off then, claiming that the money was a ‘drop in the ocean’, but on principle wanted to chase it with the insurance company. He’d parked beside the ticket machine and the surveillance cameras would have been directly aimed at his car too. Of course she hadn’t wanted to disappoint. She’d thought it slightly bizarre that a guy who had so much money around him was fretting over a paltry 12K, but it was evident that he was minted and if that meant that she had to pretend to speak French, then she was bloody well going to pretend she could!
She nodded and smiled at him, looking down at her gel nails which desperately needed filling in and decided at that moment that she was going to do whatever it took to get this man.
Chapter Forty Four
Chapter Forty Six
“Regan? Could you come straight in here please? Angela? Any chance of some coffees too? Oh, and could you ring and order some bagels please too, Angela?”
Dear God – why does Delaney do that? It’s the last thing I need – her rubbing AJ up the wrong way, and surely it could have waited until I’d taken off my coat? Time to shoe-horn on my smile and Miss-Happy-Go-Lucky-Personality. This is tedious!
I enter Delaney’s office and am shocked to see that there are two other people already in there. I smile, rabbit-in-the-headlights, at the two gorgeous men who both immediately stand and shake my hand firmly. Delaney chips in,
“Sophie? This is Darren Ellis and Ross Byrne. They’re from a media company and have a fabulous idea to work with us on Relationship Rehab. They’re setting up a website called Sophie Dilemma and they have some brilliant media ideas for us.”
Inwardly I’m groaning. Just when I thought I could hide under a rock for the duration of the winter months and let the days drift into months until this farce is all over! Now I have to change gear and rev myself up! Once again I paste on the cheeky grin,
“Oh, how interesting! OK,” I shuffle in my seat and blush. Darren is exceedingly handsome with his glistening blue eyes, shaved hair, perfect teeth and Ben Sherman shirt. How embarrassing! I can feel my neck and cheeks as they heat up and now even my eyes are hot! I bet he’s super-impressed with me! ‘Sophie Regan the legacy of independent women who choose to stay single!‘ What a joke. What a fool. Thankfully, Delaney breaks the silence but not before I notice her frowning slightly at me, a bemused ‘what the fuck’s going on with you? You’re like a beetroot!’ look sparking in her eyes.
“OK,guys. So tell Sophie what you’d like to do.” Before they can begin, she stands and opens her office door,
“Angela? Any word on those bagels?”
I turn to see AJ scowling as she looks up from her computer screen and half-mumbles,
“They’ll be here in 5 minutes.”
“Great!” Delaney sings and closes the door once again. “OK, Darren, you want to kick off?”
He looks at me and I feel a ping somewhere in my groin, as if my knicker-leg elastic has broken. Only I’m wearing my big knicks and know that the elastic is more than generous. The ping is purely down to Darren’s direct stare.
Just like when I used to look at Adrian.
Oh no, not again!
*
Jennifer adored living with Sophie again. It was just like when they were children, only better! Sophie was still the sensible one, tidying up as if it was her life’s work and being all domesticated and boring. But Jen figured that it was great - as long as Sophie insisted on keeping the house nice it simply gave her more time for herself. She was looking fantastic - better than she had done for years and she was convinced that this new lifestyle she’d conjured for herself was the complete raison d’etre. And talking of her linguistic skills, she’d met a gorgeous guy in the sunbed shop last week. He’d called in quickly between deals and she’d got chatting to him - after buying a few grams for herself. Sophie would go bonkers if she knew she was still sniffing the odd line here and there, but all the girls and the customers at TanFastic were all doing it, so she would look like a dried up old hag if she didn’t join in. Anyway, she knew instantly that he was not to be let walk out of her life. She’d got chatting to him and he’d asked her what her French was like. She bluffed and bullshitted and basically lied through her teeth as she’d inflated her basic ‘can I have a beer please’ and ‘do you speak English’ into a fluent bilingual talent. He’d gone on to rub his forehead as he’d told her that he’d been over in France to acquire some more ‘produce’ and had parked his car in a public car park only to return and find that somebody had hit it and caused over £12,000 of damage to his Range Rover Vogue V8. He’d laughed it off then, claiming that the money was a ‘drop in the ocean’, but on principle wanted to chase it with the insurance company. He’d parked beside the ticket machine and the surveillance cameras would have been directly aimed at his car too. Of course she hadn’t wanted to disappoint. She’d thought it slightly bizarre that a guy who had so much money around him was fretting over a paltry 12K, but it was evident that he was minted and if that meant that she had to pretend to speak French, then she was bloody well going to pretend she could!
She nodded and smiled at him, looking down at her gel nails which desperately needed filling in and decided at that moment that she was going to do whatever it took to get this man.
Chapter Forty Four
Chapter Forty Six
Monday, June 18, 2007
Chapter Forty Four - Full of IF's and BUTT's
The reality check of writing this week’s Relationship Rehab has shaken me. I’ve continued to read up on reasons WHY I’m choosing to stay single, mostly due to the fact that, in the light of Tamsin and Ade, I feel perpetually sick and disappointed. I found a website, which is stuffed with advice on how to stay single and be genuinely happy. It discusses how, rather to look for a soul mate, it’s more about having a healthy soul, to enjoy your relationship with yourself and to enjoy being with YOU. It suggests I should getting some good sleep, surround myself with a stable of close friends and to enjoy my work.
Not easy when my work IS all about an effort to try and enjoy my singleton life and ‘being happy’ in my skin. It would all be so much easier IF.
IF Ade wasn’t still dating Tamsin,
IF Jennifer wasn’t living with me and outrageously flirting with Rob every time he calls around,
IF Delaney wasn’t insisting on pushing me into the media spotlight,
IF my mother wasn’t getting married in a few weeks time,
IF I wasn’t suffering from Winter Blues
and,
IF I wasn’t asking myself some serious questions about how I feel about Rob.
*
Jennifer had initially said that publicising my ‘inadequacy’ wouldn’t help me find a decent man. Well, perhaps she was right. It’s helped me to attract a legion of male admirers and more male attention than I could shake a bottle of Viagra at, but I’m not sure how many are DECENT men. I caught Jen playing with my laptop last night and she was so animated and excited by the emails and messages that I’ve been sent and she’s already signed up to MSN and is twitching at the webcam, just dying to kick off some interaction with these strangers. I couldn’t help but notice that she’d gone into the bedroom and re-emerged with a startling low-cut t-shirt and some rather hot-chick red lipstick. I pretended to ignore her as I stared at Big Brother, but I was really watching from the corner of my eye as I scrutinised her wiggling in her seat and pouting towards the web cam and she giggled and played with her hair.
Ridiculous as it sounds, I felt like a gooseberry, so I made my excuses and went to bed.
I can only begin to imagine what she got up to in front of the camera after I’d gone.
But I’m going to click the ‘History’ icon when I get in from work and have a look at her MSN ‘friends’ and then I’ll have an idea what she’s doing and with who. After all, I need to check that she’s signing in as her and not me!
*
It had been nearly a month since Ade began dating Tam and he still kicked himself for his lack of courage. He was lying in his bed waiting for her to return from the bathroom. She was in a sexy mood and he took a deep breath as he listened to her tinkering in the bathroom with her toothbrush and perfume. Despite the fact that he was feeling particularly horny he knew that didn’t want to BE with Tamsin. But he wasn’t really sure how to tell her. She was a nice girl and pretty good in bed - if a little shy and unadventurous - he’d much rather be with a woman who wasn’t afraid of her body. He felt like shit, knowing how lousy he was being by hanging her on a thread, but he tried to stay positive by continuing to live in the hope that he’d patch things up with Sophie and that everything would fall into place. In the meantime, he could feel Tamsin falling for him. She’d begun to whimper and whisper the ‘L’ word during sex and there was nothing LIKE that word to swiftly made Ade lose his erection. It was those times that he really had to imagine that he was with Sophie. That bought it back quickly enough. But he knew that IF Tam had any inkling that he still had lusty thoughts about Sophie, he’d be alone again. As the thoughts of that shocked him into reality, he heard Tamsin close the bathroom door and he turned his head to watch her. As the streetlight shone in through the landing window he felt a slight twinge beneath the covers as he looked at her firm and rounded butt. Now THAT coupled with thoughts of Sophie were a dead cert for a promising night....
Chapter Forty Three
Chapter Forty Five
Not easy when my work IS all about an effort to try and enjoy my singleton life and ‘being happy’ in my skin. It would all be so much easier IF.
IF Ade wasn’t still dating Tamsin,
IF Jennifer wasn’t living with me and outrageously flirting with Rob every time he calls around,
IF Delaney wasn’t insisting on pushing me into the media spotlight,
IF my mother wasn’t getting married in a few weeks time,
IF I wasn’t suffering from Winter Blues
and,
IF I wasn’t asking myself some serious questions about how I feel about Rob.
*
Jennifer had initially said that publicising my ‘inadequacy’ wouldn’t help me find a decent man. Well, perhaps she was right. It’s helped me to attract a legion of male admirers and more male attention than I could shake a bottle of Viagra at, but I’m not sure how many are DECENT men. I caught Jen playing with my laptop last night and she was so animated and excited by the emails and messages that I’ve been sent and she’s already signed up to MSN and is twitching at the webcam, just dying to kick off some interaction with these strangers. I couldn’t help but notice that she’d gone into the bedroom and re-emerged with a startling low-cut t-shirt and some rather hot-chick red lipstick. I pretended to ignore her as I stared at Big Brother, but I was really watching from the corner of my eye as I scrutinised her wiggling in her seat and pouting towards the web cam and she giggled and played with her hair.
Ridiculous as it sounds, I felt like a gooseberry, so I made my excuses and went to bed.
I can only begin to imagine what she got up to in front of the camera after I’d gone.
But I’m going to click the ‘History’ icon when I get in from work and have a look at her MSN ‘friends’ and then I’ll have an idea what she’s doing and with who. After all, I need to check that she’s signing in as her and not me!
*
It had been nearly a month since Ade began dating Tam and he still kicked himself for his lack of courage. He was lying in his bed waiting for her to return from the bathroom. She was in a sexy mood and he took a deep breath as he listened to her tinkering in the bathroom with her toothbrush and perfume. Despite the fact that he was feeling particularly horny he knew that didn’t want to BE with Tamsin. But he wasn’t really sure how to tell her. She was a nice girl and pretty good in bed - if a little shy and unadventurous - he’d much rather be with a woman who wasn’t afraid of her body. He felt like shit, knowing how lousy he was being by hanging her on a thread, but he tried to stay positive by continuing to live in the hope that he’d patch things up with Sophie and that everything would fall into place. In the meantime, he could feel Tamsin falling for him. She’d begun to whimper and whisper the ‘L’ word during sex and there was nothing LIKE that word to swiftly made Ade lose his erection. It was those times that he really had to imagine that he was with Sophie. That bought it back quickly enough. But he knew that IF Tam had any inkling that he still had lusty thoughts about Sophie, he’d be alone again. As the thoughts of that shocked him into reality, he heard Tamsin close the bathroom door and he turned his head to watch her. As the streetlight shone in through the landing window he felt a slight twinge beneath the covers as he looked at her firm and rounded butt. Now THAT coupled with thoughts of Sophie were a dead cert for a promising night....
Chapter Forty Three
Chapter Forty Five
Pulling Power #17
A word from our elders.
Who said that true love was dead?
Send your love stories to Pulling Power at singlesophieregan@yahoo.co.uk
Who said that true love was dead?
Send your love stories to Pulling Power at singlesophieregan@yahoo.co.uk
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Chapter Forty Three - Keeping The Faith
OK, so I’m struggling. It had all been such fun during the summer months. I’d swanned along to speed dating and Wine Not?, slightly nervous but carried along on the promise of a fun summer. I’d taken a glorious week in the intense singles heat in Gran Canaria and have had thousands of hits on my Woman To Woman website. But now things have become all rather grey and drab. I’ve won and lost Adrian to my best friend! And I an only be thrilled for them....(!) I’ve dated mega celebrity Paul Ashkuri only to find that I’d been made a fool out of, and have met and spoken to so many guys that I no longer really know WHAT I want! On top of this, Jennifer has arrived and is rapidly taking over my life - it’s like a strange osmosis, the way that she is slowly depleting my personality whilst gradually getting her life back on track. These November days are short and cold and I’m tired and bored of the rain. It seems that where I’m missing my summer wardrobe, feeling drab and boring in my winter clothes, somehow Jennifer is positively glowing! I know that her part time job in the sunbed job helps no end, but it’s the way that she’s embraced the whole autumn ‘look’ and looks fabulous in her tight jeans, knee high boots and huge chunky knits. If I ever wanted somebody to snuggle up to in these cold nights, it’s now. And I’m desperate for a special ‘friend’ to share my life with. In all honestly, if it wasn’t for Rob calling in and texting a few times a week, I don’t know what I’d do. Tam and Ade have been dating steadily for the last few weeks and it’s all rather painful. It’s a subject that Rob and I don’t discuss - and that ADDS to the discomfort of it all.
I’ve debated numerous times over the last few months whether staying ‘single’ means remaining celibate - would that one night stand with NO intention of a long term relationship qualify as staying single? I’ve also questioned whether I should be dating at all? But does one date mean I’m not single anymore? It’s a grey area and all rather confusing! It was an email that I received from ‘Christian Carter’ that got me thinking about how, ultimately, we all want to be with somebody. Nobody chooses to be lonely, and being ‘alone’ is entirely different from being lonely. So I get this email, ‘Finding Love Online’ and it made me think about the concept of Mr Right! I’m savvy enough to realise that there IS no Mr Right, and yet I’m hopelessly romantic enough too continue hoping that I’m wrong. So I’ve decided to go with the advice - I won’t be ordering the CD collection, but can see some sense in checking out where these ‘smart and successful’ men are. I’m going to dive right into my www.myspace.com account and see whether I can make some genuine ‘friends’....
Delaney wants me to check out more stuff for dating scene and wants me to check out more millionaire dating sites! I‘ve had a reassuring trickle of ‘interest‘ from the guys on www.sugardaddie.com but none of them are what I‘d be looking for. I‘m not sure if it‘s the money, but there‘s an air of arrogance - guys saying how NOT to waste their time if you‘re not fun-loving/attractive/slim/open minded, because they‘re REALLY fussy. And it‘s all led me to remind myself about WHY I wanted to stay single in the first place. It’s especially difficult when you find yourself falling for somebody. It’s tough when you have that ‘special someone’ in your life who is there and then suddenly isn’t and then is, once again. It slightly pulls the rug from beneath your feet and so I decided that this weeks relationship rehab is in loving memory of why I began this crazy project ...
Relationship Rehab - week 29
November sucks. Short days and long nights coupled with empty beds and cold sheets is NOT what I’d signed up for. So here are my reminders WHY I wanted to stay single for a year...
- When you’re single you can do WHAT you want WHEN you want.
- You don’t have to think before you speak and don’t have to spend 65% of time doing what someone else wants.
- You CHOOSE to be single, which means deciding NOT to stay in watching Lost and wading through cookery books.
- You’re amongst a huge chunk of the London community -
apparently there are nearly 2,500,000 singletons in London alone! So, surely, it can’t be that bad.
- You are free to go out with your friends and go wild whenever you want to - or THEY want you to!
- Your mind is free and primed to concentrate on your career.
- It’s liberating to find people attractive without feeling the need to take it any further. It’s nice to remember that, just because THEY like YOU, it doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate it. Deciding to remain single means accepting their kind words and attention as flattery but remembering that you don’t need to dive in!
I’ve also become an expert at escaping Quasimodo who invariably corners me in any nightclub that I find myself in. My avoidance/escape tactics now include,
- pretending that my mobile is ringing/vibrating,
- pretending to fall asleep,
- rushing to the toilet, only to return to the bar via the ‘scenic’ route,
- dancing really weird so that he’s freaked out,
- starting to talk about what ‘our house’ will be like in the future, preferably with a dreamy-like look in my eyes,
- be sick and feign drunkenness - preferably on his shoes!
Yes - I’m shoe-horning myself into being convinced that being single for a year WAS the best decision. And I’ve only got about 5 months left to go..... My biggest hurdle will be Christmas, slap-bang in middle of those 5 months. I’m already cringing at the prospects of the season of coupledom, Doris Day crooning in the snow, kisses under the mistletoe and George Michael twinkling Last Christmas. I always wanted to stay in that log cabin with all those gorgeous and fun-loving people from that video......
I can see that my resolve needs to remain strong!
Sophie..xxx
*
I’m busy minding my own business at my desk when my fabulous assistant calls me over to look at some messages on-screen. On my www.myspace.com account, a John Pamenter has sent me a friend request and he’s looking rather mysterious, what with his silhouette photo and severe lack of ‘profile’. With a url name of ’let me love you one more time’ I can deduct that he’s either a mega George Benson fan - or an egoistical gigolo...
I’ve been at my desk since 7.15am - it’s tough living with Jen again after so long - we haven’t lived under the same roof since we left home in our late teens and it’s worse now than ever. She’s even more untidy and lazy than ever and I‘m not convinced that she‘s not still indulging in the odd line of coke now and again too. I found a light dusting of powder on the kitchen worktop but she was aggrieved when I mentioned it to her - insisting that it was icing sugar from the pastries that Rob had bought around last night. She annoys me, the way she is with Rob. She is overly flirty and it’s all rather embarrassing. Mind you, she’s generally showing an all round unhealthy interest in my legion of ‘admirers‘, although, as far as I’m concerned, she’s welcome to them!
She’s already asked me whether she can stay until Christmas, with the plan to travel to Mum’s LA wedding together and promising that she’ll head back for Dublin straight away on our return. I’m just not sure. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and I can’t help but feeling a little down and miserable. Nothing is right at the moment, and she just doesn’t help. Things have to get better. Don’t they?
Chapter Forty Two
Chapter Forty Four
I’ve debated numerous times over the last few months whether staying ‘single’ means remaining celibate - would that one night stand with NO intention of a long term relationship qualify as staying single? I’ve also questioned whether I should be dating at all? But does one date mean I’m not single anymore? It’s a grey area and all rather confusing! It was an email that I received from ‘Christian Carter’ that got me thinking about how, ultimately, we all want to be with somebody. Nobody chooses to be lonely, and being ‘alone’ is entirely different from being lonely. So I get this email, ‘Finding Love Online’ and it made me think about the concept of Mr Right! I’m savvy enough to realise that there IS no Mr Right, and yet I’m hopelessly romantic enough too continue hoping that I’m wrong. So I’ve decided to go with the advice - I won’t be ordering the CD collection, but can see some sense in checking out where these ‘smart and successful’ men are. I’m going to dive right into my www.myspace.com account and see whether I can make some genuine ‘friends’....
Delaney wants me to check out more stuff for dating scene and wants me to check out more millionaire dating sites! I‘ve had a reassuring trickle of ‘interest‘ from the guys on www.sugardaddie.com but none of them are what I‘d be looking for. I‘m not sure if it‘s the money, but there‘s an air of arrogance - guys saying how NOT to waste their time if you‘re not fun-loving/attractive/slim/open minded, because they‘re REALLY fussy. And it‘s all led me to remind myself about WHY I wanted to stay single in the first place. It’s especially difficult when you find yourself falling for somebody. It’s tough when you have that ‘special someone’ in your life who is there and then suddenly isn’t and then is, once again. It slightly pulls the rug from beneath your feet and so I decided that this weeks relationship rehab is in loving memory of why I began this crazy project ...
Relationship Rehab - week 29
November sucks. Short days and long nights coupled with empty beds and cold sheets is NOT what I’d signed up for. So here are my reminders WHY I wanted to stay single for a year...
- When you’re single you can do WHAT you want WHEN you want.
- You don’t have to think before you speak and don’t have to spend 65% of time doing what someone else wants.
- You CHOOSE to be single, which means deciding NOT to stay in watching Lost and wading through cookery books.
- You’re amongst a huge chunk of the London community -
apparently there are nearly 2,500,000 singletons in London alone! So, surely, it can’t be that bad.
- You are free to go out with your friends and go wild whenever you want to - or THEY want you to!
- Your mind is free and primed to concentrate on your career.
- It’s liberating to find people attractive without feeling the need to take it any further. It’s nice to remember that, just because THEY like YOU, it doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate it. Deciding to remain single means accepting their kind words and attention as flattery but remembering that you don’t need to dive in!
I’ve also become an expert at escaping Quasimodo who invariably corners me in any nightclub that I find myself in. My avoidance/escape tactics now include,
- pretending that my mobile is ringing/vibrating,
- pretending to fall asleep,
- rushing to the toilet, only to return to the bar via the ‘scenic’ route,
- dancing really weird so that he’s freaked out,
- starting to talk about what ‘our house’ will be like in the future, preferably with a dreamy-like look in my eyes,
- be sick and feign drunkenness - preferably on his shoes!
Yes - I’m shoe-horning myself into being convinced that being single for a year WAS the best decision. And I’ve only got about 5 months left to go..... My biggest hurdle will be Christmas, slap-bang in middle of those 5 months. I’m already cringing at the prospects of the season of coupledom, Doris Day crooning in the snow, kisses under the mistletoe and George Michael twinkling Last Christmas. I always wanted to stay in that log cabin with all those gorgeous and fun-loving people from that video......
I can see that my resolve needs to remain strong!
Sophie..xxx
*
I’m busy minding my own business at my desk when my fabulous assistant calls me over to look at some messages on-screen. On my www.myspace.com account, a John Pamenter has sent me a friend request and he’s looking rather mysterious, what with his silhouette photo and severe lack of ‘profile’. With a url name of ’let me love you one more time’ I can deduct that he’s either a mega George Benson fan - or an egoistical gigolo...
I’ve been at my desk since 7.15am - it’s tough living with Jen again after so long - we haven’t lived under the same roof since we left home in our late teens and it’s worse now than ever. She’s even more untidy and lazy than ever and I‘m not convinced that she‘s not still indulging in the odd line of coke now and again too. I found a light dusting of powder on the kitchen worktop but she was aggrieved when I mentioned it to her - insisting that it was icing sugar from the pastries that Rob had bought around last night. She annoys me, the way she is with Rob. She is overly flirty and it’s all rather embarrassing. Mind you, she’s generally showing an all round unhealthy interest in my legion of ‘admirers‘, although, as far as I’m concerned, she’s welcome to them!
She’s already asked me whether she can stay until Christmas, with the plan to travel to Mum’s LA wedding together and promising that she’ll head back for Dublin straight away on our return. I’m just not sure. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and I can’t help but feeling a little down and miserable. Nothing is right at the moment, and she just doesn’t help. Things have to get better. Don’t they?
Chapter Forty Two
Chapter Forty Four
Friday, June 15, 2007
Chapter Forty Two - The Vultures in Chicks Clothing
It was a slow-motion moment, as I stood with my mouth open as Tam told me about how she’d rang Adrian and asked him to go out for a drink (or something!) with her. I know that she’d seen the flash of irritation in my eyes as I’d stood and told her how pleased I was for her. She’d tried to grab my arm as I’d breezed past her and into the kitchen, but I’d swerved her grasp and flung open the fridge door, clutching at the chilled bottle of Soave and glugging straight from cool neck of the green glass. I can hear her shuffling and scratching her head at the doorway.
Keeping my back to the door, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and raise my voice,
“You might as well come in and say it. I know it’s killing you - wanting to apologise and wanting me to be pleased for you at the same time. I know you like him and I wish I could be happy for you. But I just can’t. You know how I feel about him and what an unscrupulous bastard he was to me. And his damned sidekick, Trevor Malone too! In all honesty I can’t even believe that you went behind my back like that. I mean, you’re my closest friend and...“
I’m cut short as Rob’s voice cuts in,
“Em, Sophie?“
I spin around to see him standing in the doorway, smiling awkwardly at me,
“Em, Soph. Your sister’s here.“ He whispers, an uncomfortable expression on his face. I frown and whisper at him,
“What’s wrong, Rob? Where is she?“
He shrugs and indicates toward my front door by flicking his right hand to his shoulder, “She’s at the front door. Bringing in her luggage.“
“Oh, OK.“ I put the half empty bottle of wine down on the worktop and then think twice about it. If Jen sees that there she’ll be drinking within minutes! As I open the fridge door again, the yellow light shines onto my face as I feel Rob’s warm hand in the small of my back.
“Sophie, when I say she’s bringing in her luggage, I really mean bringing in her luggage.“
I stand upright and frown at him again, pushing my hair back from my face as tendrils stick to my lips,
“What are you talking about Rob? What’s the problem?“
He tries to answer me but is drowned out by Jen’s shrill voice, shouting from the lounge,
“Hey, Sophie ya bitch? Your big sister’s here! Get the wine out of the fridge. I’ve only come from Ireland but feel like I’ve been travelling for the whole frigging day!“
I can tell that she’s already been drinking - probably since she arrived at Dublin airport in the early afternoon and Rob watches my shoulders sink. It’s then he holds me firmly and looks into my eyes,
“Sophie. She’s brought 3 enormous suitcases with her. How long is she staying, again?“
“Oh my god, you’re not serious?“
He smiles at me sympathetically and lifts my chin so that our mouths meet. Ready to lose myself in his kiss once again Jen appears at the kitchen doorway,
“Holy fuck tonight, Sophie! Thought you were meant to be staying single for a year?“
And as Rob and I grimace at her drunken words, she walks in and slaps Rob hard on the bum as she opens the fridge door,
“OK, so where’s the wine, then?“
Great.
And so this is what it’s going to be like with my sister staying. Ice breaker and ball breaker wrapped into one, is our Jennifer.
And by the way she’s giving Rob the eye, I can tell that I’m going to have to be extra firm with her.
For once in our lives.
*
AJ was hunched over her laptop as she sat, cross legged on her bed. She’d been stuck in that same position for hours, but was still glued to the newspaper archives and the genealogy sites that she’d subscribed to. She was determined to dig out the Ben Scott story. She’d hoped that Trevor Malone was going to do that, but he was obviously not up to it! It pissed her off that she had to do everything herself. The silence in her flat was becoming deafening and she wished that her mobile would ring - or even bleep once in a while. She found it slightly embarrassing - her severe lack of friends, but continued to hide behind her steely facade that she was a one-man-band and needed nobody to enrich her life. She’d been fixated in the same akimbo pose for hours and was surprised to see that it was approaching 3am. The small clock counter that timed her online usage flashed discreetly that she’d been connected for what was approaching 8 hours. Her shoulders were beginning to ache and her hips felt stiff from a perpetual cross-legged pose. But it was all going to be so worthwhile. She already had lots of what she needed, but was extremely excited and driven by the prospect of what she was going to do when Sophie appeared on her next prime time television slot. The Richard & Judy show was a massive cult following for Channel 4 and AJ have every intention of making as much a monkey out of Sophie as possible. She wanted to humiliate her as publicly and as harshly as was possible, and she’d heard Delaney harking on about the Richard & Judy show once again, so knew that it wouldn’t be too long to wait.
It was all going to be so worthwhile.....
Chapter Forty One
Chapter Forty Three
Keeping my back to the door, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and raise my voice,
“You might as well come in and say it. I know it’s killing you - wanting to apologise and wanting me to be pleased for you at the same time. I know you like him and I wish I could be happy for you. But I just can’t. You know how I feel about him and what an unscrupulous bastard he was to me. And his damned sidekick, Trevor Malone too! In all honesty I can’t even believe that you went behind my back like that. I mean, you’re my closest friend and...“
I’m cut short as Rob’s voice cuts in,
“Em, Sophie?“
I spin around to see him standing in the doorway, smiling awkwardly at me,
“Em, Soph. Your sister’s here.“ He whispers, an uncomfortable expression on his face. I frown and whisper at him,
“What’s wrong, Rob? Where is she?“
He shrugs and indicates toward my front door by flicking his right hand to his shoulder, “She’s at the front door. Bringing in her luggage.“
“Oh, OK.“ I put the half empty bottle of wine down on the worktop and then think twice about it. If Jen sees that there she’ll be drinking within minutes! As I open the fridge door again, the yellow light shines onto my face as I feel Rob’s warm hand in the small of my back.
“Sophie, when I say she’s bringing in her luggage, I really mean bringing in her luggage.“
I stand upright and frown at him again, pushing my hair back from my face as tendrils stick to my lips,
“What are you talking about Rob? What’s the problem?“
He tries to answer me but is drowned out by Jen’s shrill voice, shouting from the lounge,
“Hey, Sophie ya bitch? Your big sister’s here! Get the wine out of the fridge. I’ve only come from Ireland but feel like I’ve been travelling for the whole frigging day!“
I can tell that she’s already been drinking - probably since she arrived at Dublin airport in the early afternoon and Rob watches my shoulders sink. It’s then he holds me firmly and looks into my eyes,
“Sophie. She’s brought 3 enormous suitcases with her. How long is she staying, again?“
“Oh my god, you’re not serious?“
He smiles at me sympathetically and lifts my chin so that our mouths meet. Ready to lose myself in his kiss once again Jen appears at the kitchen doorway,
“Holy fuck tonight, Sophie! Thought you were meant to be staying single for a year?“
And as Rob and I grimace at her drunken words, she walks in and slaps Rob hard on the bum as she opens the fridge door,
“OK, so where’s the wine, then?“
Great.
And so this is what it’s going to be like with my sister staying. Ice breaker and ball breaker wrapped into one, is our Jennifer.
And by the way she’s giving Rob the eye, I can tell that I’m going to have to be extra firm with her.
For once in our lives.
*
AJ was hunched over her laptop as she sat, cross legged on her bed. She’d been stuck in that same position for hours, but was still glued to the newspaper archives and the genealogy sites that she’d subscribed to. She was determined to dig out the Ben Scott story. She’d hoped that Trevor Malone was going to do that, but he was obviously not up to it! It pissed her off that she had to do everything herself. The silence in her flat was becoming deafening and she wished that her mobile would ring - or even bleep once in a while. She found it slightly embarrassing - her severe lack of friends, but continued to hide behind her steely facade that she was a one-man-band and needed nobody to enrich her life. She’d been fixated in the same akimbo pose for hours and was surprised to see that it was approaching 3am. The small clock counter that timed her online usage flashed discreetly that she’d been connected for what was approaching 8 hours. Her shoulders were beginning to ache and her hips felt stiff from a perpetual cross-legged pose. But it was all going to be so worthwhile. She already had lots of what she needed, but was extremely excited and driven by the prospect of what she was going to do when Sophie appeared on her next prime time television slot. The Richard & Judy show was a massive cult following for Channel 4 and AJ have every intention of making as much a monkey out of Sophie as possible. She wanted to humiliate her as publicly and as harshly as was possible, and she’d heard Delaney harking on about the Richard & Judy show once again, so knew that it wouldn’t be too long to wait.
It was all going to be so worthwhile.....
Chapter Forty One
Chapter Forty Three
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Chapter Forty One - Cake & Eat It Syndrome
It’s been 3 days since Rob kissed me - as snotty and slippery as I was! And he’s still here... Yes, he hasn’t gone home yet and I’m in heaven. As for what lies beneath the overalls? Trust me - you wouldn’t be disappointed. The sexual chemistry between us is overwhelming - just listening to him telling me what he’s going to do with me causes a pulse to beat somewhere in my head, which makes me feel dizzy. But there’s more to it than simply sex. We’ve sat up for hours talking and we’ve had to drag ourselves out to work every morning. It’s as if we’ve known each other forever and I can honestly say that I’m struggling to remember what life was like before I ‘knew’ Rob. He said he’s liked me for ages and was gutted when I revealed my public vow to stay single. Apparently Tamsin has been telling him about the insurgence of bouquets that arrive at work every week and how I’m not on first name terms with the porters at the hospitals simply through donating my flowers there. Rob said that he’d made a decision to come and reveal his feelings for me, for fear that some ‘hunk’ would come and sweep me off my feet. My arms are polka dot blue from where I’m still continually pinching myself to believe this and there’s only one blot on the horizon. Jennifer is due to arrive later today, typically in time to come and burst my bubble of romance. Tam’s calling in shortly too. She knows about Rob and I already. We’d tried to keep it quiet for a while - so we could have it just for ‘us’, but she’d known something was up when she called around yesterday after work and picked up on the body language between her brother and me. She’d squealed, delighted that her brother and her best friend were getting together and she’d hugged us both and said,
“It’s great! My two favourite people, together at last.”
But I’d been a little unsure about things when Rob had shrugged and said,
“Don’t rush things Tam.” There was something about the tone of his voice that made me feel weird.
Tamsin had news. It was obvious, the way she was shuffling excitedly from foot to foot and scratching her head (a dead giveaway that Tam had something to say...)
“There’s something I’ve got to tell you,” she finally spouted when Rob had gone into the kitchen to open a bottle of red.
“OK, tell me then,” I’d smiled, an air of serenity and contentment about me, which only came from a marathon sex session with somebody who is bonkers about you. I’d slid off my flip flops and was tucking my feet under the cushion on the sofa when she’d said,
“I’ve finished with Pete.”
“Well thank goodness for that! At last! Married men are a complete waste of time on the dating stakes, Tam. All you’re doing by dating them is stroking their egos and belittling yourself.”
“OK!” she’d rolled her eyes, “no lecture, please! I know I’m naive, Soph, but I’d really believed him when he said that he wasn’t sleeping with his wife anymore. But her pregnancy bombshell soon shed a harsh light of reality on that! And once that trust had gone, nothing would bring it back.”
“Trust?” I knew I was raising my voice, but simply couldn’t help myself, “How could you ever have trusted a man who had so few morals he was continually lying to his family?”
“OK, OK. It’s over now, anyway. But I’ve met someone else.”
“What? Already?”
I noticed her blush and fidget in the leather armchair as she scratched at the side of her head ferociously. “Yeah, well, sort of. I already knew him, so technically, haven’t just ‘met’ him.”
“Really?” I sit upright and hug my knees, intrigued at this new man. I’m a sucker for a bit of romance and delighted that Tamsin has made a move away from Pete, finally! Whoever he is, it’ll be an improvement on Pete.
“Go on, then,” I urged her, “tell me. Do I know him?”
“Yeah....”
“I do? Excellent! Who is he?”
“Well,” she was shifting in her seat and playing with her fingers as she replied, “I met him with you. You see Sophie, I decided to be positive. I was all empowered after telling Pete it was over. I’d really wanted to just text it to him, but decided that I’d face up to it. That texting is lousy, isn’t it? Anyway, em, I knew him before this. So I wanted to make a move on someone who’d be good for me. And I think this guy will be. But Sophie. I don’t think you’re going to be too pleased with me.”
I stood up at this point, feeling slightly on edge at her long speeches and the way she was dancing around telling me. My fears and anxieties were confirmed when she blushed and couldn’t help herself from grinning as I watched her struggle to keep the guilt from her eyes as she said,
“Ade Ford. I rang him at Geezer this afternoon and asked him out.”
*
Adrian didn’t feel great about himself and it wasn’t improving. It was becoming increasingly difficult to look at himself in the mirror lately - he’d been despising himself anyway about the shallow Ade Gets Laid column, which then escalated after he’d conned Sophie. He’d came to the conclusion last night that he was going to leave her alone now. His weeks of apologies were remaining to be unacknowledged and he’d listened when Trevor had suggested, in a mocking, laughing way, that Ade was making it worse by hassling her. He’d been completely shocked but flattered this afternoon when Sophie’s friend Tamsin had called him at work and had asked him to go out with her for a few drinks. He had to admit that he was certain that there was more to this than met the eye, and suspected that it was possible that this was a move instigated by the strong-willed and stubborn Sophie. But Ade would do anything to get closer to Sophie again, and if that meant playing along with Tamsin’s little game - then he’d do it.
Again and again and again.
*
OK, this is humiliating. I shouldn’t be aggravated. But I am! I’ve spent the last 3 days with Rob and he’s been seeing his way to slowly bonking any memory of Adrian Ford from my body and then Tam goes and does something like this! It’s too much to bear and I wish that she could have orchestrated something to help me get Ade back on track again, but no, this is all about her! I know that he kept apologising, but I can’t face up to seeing him again. I know too, that I should be pleased for Tamsin, but I can’t be. If I couldn’t have him, then I certainly didn’t want him dating my best friend. I know that Rob caught a glimpse of my broken expression just as Tamsin told me who her new man was. Rob was just coasting round the corner as he came from the kitchen with our wine glasses and I know he clocked my change of expression - poor devil. His kisses and love making are so special and tender and I have to admit he’s completely fabulous in the sack. I should be delighted but Tamsin’s news has shattered it all.
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty Two
“It’s great! My two favourite people, together at last.”
But I’d been a little unsure about things when Rob had shrugged and said,
“Don’t rush things Tam.” There was something about the tone of his voice that made me feel weird.
Tamsin had news. It was obvious, the way she was shuffling excitedly from foot to foot and scratching her head (a dead giveaway that Tam had something to say...)
“There’s something I’ve got to tell you,” she finally spouted when Rob had gone into the kitchen to open a bottle of red.
“OK, tell me then,” I’d smiled, an air of serenity and contentment about me, which only came from a marathon sex session with somebody who is bonkers about you. I’d slid off my flip flops and was tucking my feet under the cushion on the sofa when she’d said,
“I’ve finished with Pete.”
“Well thank goodness for that! At last! Married men are a complete waste of time on the dating stakes, Tam. All you’re doing by dating them is stroking their egos and belittling yourself.”
“OK!” she’d rolled her eyes, “no lecture, please! I know I’m naive, Soph, but I’d really believed him when he said that he wasn’t sleeping with his wife anymore. But her pregnancy bombshell soon shed a harsh light of reality on that! And once that trust had gone, nothing would bring it back.”
“Trust?” I knew I was raising my voice, but simply couldn’t help myself, “How could you ever have trusted a man who had so few morals he was continually lying to his family?”
“OK, OK. It’s over now, anyway. But I’ve met someone else.”
“What? Already?”
I noticed her blush and fidget in the leather armchair as she scratched at the side of her head ferociously. “Yeah, well, sort of. I already knew him, so technically, haven’t just ‘met’ him.”
“Really?” I sit upright and hug my knees, intrigued at this new man. I’m a sucker for a bit of romance and delighted that Tamsin has made a move away from Pete, finally! Whoever he is, it’ll be an improvement on Pete.
“Go on, then,” I urged her, “tell me. Do I know him?”
“Yeah....”
“I do? Excellent! Who is he?”
“Well,” she was shifting in her seat and playing with her fingers as she replied, “I met him with you. You see Sophie, I decided to be positive. I was all empowered after telling Pete it was over. I’d really wanted to just text it to him, but decided that I’d face up to it. That texting is lousy, isn’t it? Anyway, em, I knew him before this. So I wanted to make a move on someone who’d be good for me. And I think this guy will be. But Sophie. I don’t think you’re going to be too pleased with me.”
I stood up at this point, feeling slightly on edge at her long speeches and the way she was dancing around telling me. My fears and anxieties were confirmed when she blushed and couldn’t help herself from grinning as I watched her struggle to keep the guilt from her eyes as she said,
“Ade Ford. I rang him at Geezer this afternoon and asked him out.”
*
Adrian didn’t feel great about himself and it wasn’t improving. It was becoming increasingly difficult to look at himself in the mirror lately - he’d been despising himself anyway about the shallow Ade Gets Laid column, which then escalated after he’d conned Sophie. He’d came to the conclusion last night that he was going to leave her alone now. His weeks of apologies were remaining to be unacknowledged and he’d listened when Trevor had suggested, in a mocking, laughing way, that Ade was making it worse by hassling her. He’d been completely shocked but flattered this afternoon when Sophie’s friend Tamsin had called him at work and had asked him to go out with her for a few drinks. He had to admit that he was certain that there was more to this than met the eye, and suspected that it was possible that this was a move instigated by the strong-willed and stubborn Sophie. But Ade would do anything to get closer to Sophie again, and if that meant playing along with Tamsin’s little game - then he’d do it.
Again and again and again.
*
OK, this is humiliating. I shouldn’t be aggravated. But I am! I’ve spent the last 3 days with Rob and he’s been seeing his way to slowly bonking any memory of Adrian Ford from my body and then Tam goes and does something like this! It’s too much to bear and I wish that she could have orchestrated something to help me get Ade back on track again, but no, this is all about her! I know that he kept apologising, but I can’t face up to seeing him again. I know too, that I should be pleased for Tamsin, but I can’t be. If I couldn’t have him, then I certainly didn’t want him dating my best friend. I know that Rob caught a glimpse of my broken expression just as Tamsin told me who her new man was. Rob was just coasting round the corner as he came from the kitchen with our wine glasses and I know he clocked my change of expression - poor devil. His kisses and love making are so special and tender and I have to admit he’s completely fabulous in the sack. I should be delighted but Tamsin’s news has shattered it all.
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty Two
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