I'm Back....

Phew, that was a long break.
Severely traumatised and extremely nervous, it's taken me this long to get my head together.
And I apologise.
But I'm back...

It's gonna be fun catching up again....

Sophie.xxx

Chapter Sixty Five - Juggling Act & Spinning Plates

The afternoon I’ve just had at work has been the hardest ever! I feel completely rejected and downtrodden. I can’t eat, I can’t drink, I can’t smile or even answer the phone properly. I have absolutely NO conversation and even AJ’s smirking isn’t grating on me like it usually does. I know that Delaney had sussed that something was wrong. It was blatantly obvious anyway, but I think she guessed that I’d spent the night with Ade. She even looked at me sympathetically a few times, but that steely glint still left me in no doubt that I have to see this next date through. I’m so emotionally fragile and keep crying, which is made worse by Delaney’s sales pitch. She called me into her office and starting hyping me up in preparation for the next dilemma tomorrow! As if I didn’t have enough of a dilemma to contend with at the moment. The brief is this - I have a date with up and coming comedian Jonny Kowlowski, and guess where we’re going? To The Circus Space, near Old Street tube station! Fuck, how could this be worse? I feel as shit as I do - broken and busted up, sick at myself for giving myself to Ade so easily and making a complete fool of myself and believing that he liked ‘me’ and, and and......
And now.
I have to pretend that it’s laughs all the way.
I have to learn to juggle and ride a unicycle and walk a fucking trapeze.
With a comedian.
Shit.

*
One hot bath and 2 glasses of wine haven’t helped me to relax or feel remotely better about things. I hate Ade for doing this to me, but hate myself too for falling for it all. HOW could it have been just insincere words to him? How? I feel shattered and am having serious trouble remembering that he’d said he was looking for something ‘different’, as my brain continues to recount his words as looking for something ‘better’! I’d NEVER have got into that situation with him if it hadn’t all been reinforced by the foundations of a relationship. It had taken a big leap for me to feel comfortable enough to get naked with him - and now look! I knew he was a player but didn’t dream that he was playing ME! What was behind all that about making it up to me? Why the helicopter and stuff? Did it mean that much to him to prove a point? Or was it because he couldn’t handle the fact that I really liked him too much? I was being a hundred percent genuine.
And he was simply taking the piss.

*

Tam’s cab pulled up outside her house and she was warmed to see the lights on inside. Rob had said he’d call in and turn on the heating but she wasn’t expecting him to still be there.
“Fantastic!“ she squeezed her rucksack in excitement, “he is SO the best brother in the entire world dot com. I can’t wait to tell him how gorgeous the log cabin was.“

The sounds of Tam shuffling in through the front door and dragging her luggage behind her broke Rob’s concentration. He’d been lured by her computer and, despite being glued to www.sophiedilemma.com, he wished he’d never turned it on. He knew she had her second date tomorrow and wondered how things could possibly get worse? He’d watched her slow dancing with Adrian Ford and saw the helicopter landing and her hesitating. And then he’d felt sick as he watched her catch Adrian’s hand and get into the chopper with him as they’d been filmed taking off and flying off into the London night sky. He was having trouble watching this and knew now that he could never compete with a connected guy like Adrian. He thought Sophie had been somebody that he could rely on and thought he knew her - how wrong he was. He hated the whole cosy notion of Christmas too and was having problems walking past the florist shop down the road, loaded with sprigs of mistletoe and Christmas bouquets. He’d had such high hopes for their first Christmas together and was gutted that he’d had to give the log cabin treat to his sister. And here she was - with a huge smile on her face as she stood ready to tell him all about it. He took a deep breath before fixing a smile on his face and spinning around on the chair to face her.
“Hey Tam,” he breezed, “how was Scotland?”
“Oh Rob, you really SHOULD have been there. It even snowed! It was SO romantic....”

*

OK, so tonight is my next date and I feel even more crap today than I did yesterday. I hardly slept at all last night and have called in sick today. Delaney had been shocked when I‘d told her,
“I‘m sorry, but if you want me to go on this date tonight, then I can‘t come in today. I have to get my head together. I‘m sorry.”
Her silence had shocked me. I‘d never known her lost for words. And so I‘d continued, in a calmer tone,
“I need to sort a few, em, ‘things‘. In my head. And I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I need some time. To prepare. Ha ha, and to, em, dust off my red nose and leotard maybe?”
Her voice was unexpectedly calm and balanced,
“Sophie. Take the day. You need some time to recover from Tuesdays, er, ‘date‘. I know. I understand. Go for it. Maybe get some sleep and perhaps a couple of hours in the beauty salon might help you to relax? A nice massage and facial maybe? We need you at The Circus Space for 6pm. OK? Ross and Darren will be there too. See you then.”
Which was really nice of her.
I tried to take her advice and climbed back into the soft warmness of my bed, willing myself to catch up on some more sleep. After all, when I’m sleeping then I can’t torment myself with the same old questions that I have no answers for. My eyes are clamped closed and yet a faceless voice relentlessly asks me the same tirade of questions:
How can a guy go from talking about all the things he wants to do with me, all the places he wants to take me, to the sending a text message saying that he’s looking for something ‘different’? I mean what was it about me? That spot on my arse cheek? My slightly jibbly tum? Was i too unparticipative in bed? No! I wasn’t, I know I wasn’t!
How dare he say he’s looking for something different! And there I was, ready to be so understanding at his lack of technique and ultra skinny willy!! I was even prepared to put up with his small dick and crap sexual techniques! I was all up for working on the small stuff over the following weeks, but now I’ve been ceremoniously dumped AND am plagued with the horror that I might be BIG ‘down there’!

I am having to accept that I will never be able to fathom what changed from that long night together in Ade’s arms and how we were together that following morning - to how things shifted that afternoon and that sudden, bizarre rejection.

All I want is a friend.
All I want is Rob.
To hold me and hug me.
To tell me that everything will be OK.
And that Adrian is a TOTAL arsehole - just as he’d always told me.

But there is no Rob.

There is nobody.....
No shoulder to cry on.
No Rob.
No.
Rob.


Chapter Sixty Four
Chapter Sixty Six

Chapter Sixty Four - Unclear Fallout

We wake again at about 9am, still snuggled in the spoons position, his hands cupping my boobs. We’re so cosy, our contours fitting perfectly, that I don’t want to move but I feel his breathing change and know that he’s awake too. I don’t want the magic to end but the day has begun and the mood has already slightly shifted.
“You gotta go work today?“
“Ugh, yeah!“ I reply to his question and realise that everybody will know that I spent the night with Ade. My customary lateness never exceeds 15 minutes, so walking in after 10 ‘o’clock will be like wearing a sandwich board, emblazoned with ‘YEAH! I DID IT!“. Embarrassing.
I ask Ade the same question and he tells me that he has to be at work too.
Great - now BOTH of our offices will know that we spent the night together.
If only they knew that it was hardly the shag-fest that they’re probably imagining.
In reality, as much as I like him, sexually - it was hardly worth it. We’ll get it right though; given a little time.
Ade yawns,
“Jesus, I’m knackered,” he pulls me tight to him again in a bear hug and his chest hair feels prickly against my back, “I wish we could stay here all day.”
“Hmmm,” I murmur, “me too. But we’re late enough as it is. It’s going to be a tough day and I’m going to need to stop at Starbucks for a massive strong coffee to keep myself awake until lunchtime.”
He groans and lets me go, pulling the sheets over his head as I walk towards the bathroom.

*

Today at work was tough, as I’d expected. After showering and calling in at home for a swift change of clothes, it felt strange arriving at the office together - us both going our separate ways at the lifts. It made me feel a bit awkward in front of Ellie, who gave us both a smirk in that I-miss-nothing way that only receptionists can. I’d hardly taken off my jacket before Delaney whisked me into her office to show me the video footage that was filmed at the rink last night - was it ONLY last night! - and I’m relieved to find that I don’t look overly fat/clumsy/idiotic/needy/ridiculous. They’ve already loaded it to the www.sophiedilemma.com site but have cut off the action at the point of me stressing over whether to go with Ade or not. It’s going to be interesting to see what the public think I should have done.
If only they knew that I’d already gone off in the helicopter with Ade AND had spent the night with him in The Dorchester.
I wonder how many of them will tell me to go with him?

I’m glad to be home and feel sick with tiredness. I’ve been desperate to text or call Ade all day. Maybe a cheeky text to ask whether he’s as tired as I am or a secret email checking that he hasn’t fallen asleep at his desk. I restrained myself rather well and now, as I dig into my bowl of pasta and Dolmio sauce my stomach leaps with the buzz of my mobile.
It’s a text.
From Ade.

Hey u! Been half
asleep all day.
Early nite 2nite.
How r u? x

I reply immediately,

Me 2. Going
bed soon. How
was work? x

I manage to fork in another 3 mouthfuls between replies. He comes back with,

Work was shite. Going
bed now. 2 sleep this time ;) x

Warmed by his mentioning that we were up all night, I reply,

Yes. We were a bit
naughty weren’t we?
Nice tho wasn’t it... x

And there’s no reply. I finish my bowl of pasta and continue to check my phone as I go to the bedroom and strip off. As I climb between the chilly sheets I wish I’d pulled my cosy pyjamas from the ironing pile but am too distracted by the silence screaming from my mobile! Scrolling through the menus I find that it’s over half an hour since I sent my last message. Either he’s fallen asleep or he’s ignoring me. I can’t help myself as I key in,

Oi! No reply? x

I feel a little sick at his lack of response but sleep soon overwhelms me and I’m gone. A deep warm sleep that’s way overdue....

*

Rob sits in Tamsin’s lounge flicking through her TV channels. She’s only been away a few days and yet the house has a chill to it already. She’s due to return from her log cabin break tonight and he’d promised to call in with some milk and to turn on the heating for her. He hates waiting and is tormented by her computer, sitting, staring at him from it’s corner. He knew that Sophie’s dilemmas had started this week and as much as he hates the idea of WATCHING her on a date with another guy he can’t hold himself back. Almost robotically he finds himself walking toward the computer and pressing the ‘ON’ button. He was going to have to watch and see what happened.

*

I wake before my alarm clock and for a fleeting few seconds I feel a contentment; a serenity that comes with those first moments of the day between sleep and awake. And then a ball of doubt bounces in my stomach as I recall my text message to Ade that was left hanging last night. Grappling for my phone beside my bed I flip it open to check for a reply. Still nothing.
Damn.
And I have to go into work today and talk to Delaney about the second date. WHICH, by the way, is tomorrow night. I’ve hardly had the chance to get over date 1 before I’m going out on date 2. But then again, it didn’t mention anywhere in the small print that I was supposed to jump into bed with one of the guys and REALLY complicate the issue!

I manage to wait until lunchtime before I text Ade. I can’t help myself and know that I probably shouldn’t, but I’m eaten up by his silence and tormented that he thinks I’m an easy ride - given how I was seduced by him into sex, albeit that I feel that this is going to be the beginning of a great relationship. I try to be chipper and send him,

Hey Ade. That was all
a bit bonkers last night.
How about we go out and
get to know each other properly. x

I feel a little sick when he replies,

Yep, could go out. But I don’t want
to waste ur time. x

and some alarm bells begin to ring somewhere in the far distance of my brain. I’m being a bit slow, probably due to slight lack of sleep and the trauma to my body of having sex for the first time in months and months, so I text him,

How wld u b wastin my
time? I don’t make a habit of
spending nite with guy I don’t like!

And then it hits me. I’ve made a massive mistake. My stomach lurches and every nerve ending in my body is wincing as I wait for his non existent response. There is none, so I follow up with,


Have I just read that wrong. Is
that a polite way of saying u
don’t want 2 take things further?
Best 2 b honest.

And then it comes. The drop-kick in the chest and I have to sit down to prevent my legs from folding beneath me. I read his words but they don’t register in my head. I suppose it’s disbelief...

Sorry 4 not being direct.
Not want 2 take further as
lookin 4 something different

I am truly devastated.
Gutted and broken.
My head is spinning as if there isn’t enough blood to circulate.
He....is....looking.....for.....something.....DIFFERENT!
Different to what?
Different? Or BETTER?
Younger? Older? Thinner? Fatter? Harder to get???
Shit.
My eyes are filling with tears and yet I’m not pulling that gurning face that I usually do when I cry. It’s as if my eyes are crying FOR me. A huge teardrop splashes down onto my mobile phone and slides from the screen, disappearing down between the keys.
I have to reply...

Wow. Now I feel crap.
Thanks 4 being honest.
Kick in the guts always teaches
a lesson eh? I’m gutted u did this.



Chapter Sixty Three
Chapter Sixty Five

Chapter Sixty Three - First Time Nerves?

I wake up to find myself still in Ade’s arms and still fully clothed. The room is still and quiet, and as strange as it is, I subconsciously know it’s the early hours of the morning. I look up at his face as he sleeps. His muscles are relaxed and his mouth slightly open. He looks so vulnerable and I’m cherishing this intimate moment with him. I twist in his arms and check his watch - 2.48am. I was right. Early hours. My fidgeting has woken him and when I feel his hot breath at the back of my ear it shoots goosepimples straight across my chest.
“Hmmmm,“ he moans, “you feel lovely.“
It feels so natural with him. I know it’s a cliche, but I know this is right. I can’t help but remind myself that it would never have worked with Rob anyway - a relationship coming from a friendship would mean that we know each other on a different level; and then there will always be the Tamsin connection. It’s potentially too messy, whereas with Ade, we both have similar careers and understand the vagaries of working in the magazine industry. He’s quirky - my ideal man. Strong and opinionated, yet professional and in tune with his feminine side. We could be a fabulous couple - both journalists and both striving forward for a lucrative future. My thoughts are interrupted as he moves in to kiss me. His tongue is slightly jabbing again as he starts to part my lips with his. It’s a strange feeling - almost as if he’s in a hurry - but this could be a match made in heaven. The kissing just needs a little work. He groans a little as he kisses my neck and says,
“Sophie Regan. I so want to make love to you. And then I want to fuck you. And then I want to make love to you again.“
My tummy flips, causing a twinge between my legs and a fast pulse in the side of my neck. He gently but firmly pushes me onto my front and I turn my head to the side so as to not suffocate in the plump pillow.
“Are you OK? A little tense?”
I giggle.
“Come on,” his voice is a husky moan, “I’m going to give you a back rub.”
And with that he is pulling my top up to reveal my back and I fidget as it gets caught and tangled. As I raise myself a little he whips my top up and over my head and arms, leaving me laying there in my bra. His hands are firm on my back as he begins to make random sweeping movements across my shoulders.
“I’m going to open your bra strap. It’s in the way.”
And I feel the weight of him, sitting across my bum, as he fiddles with my bra strap. An absurd amount of time passes and I’m increasingly embarrassed for him as he fumbles for way too long.
“Ohhh,” he moans, and I can hear the humiliation in his voice, “I can’t open these things. Can I rip it?”
“No!” I shriek, “here, I’ll do it.” And I find myself reaching back and opening my own bra strap.
The back rub is a little clumsy and far from relaxing and so I am relieved and disappointed when he stops and rolls off of me, to lay beside me once again.
“OK, now you do me. Please?”
“OK.”
He makes no attempt to grope for my bare breasts or even to look at me, semi-naked on the bed with him.
Rolling onto his stomach he buries his face into the pillow and waits for me to return the back-rub favour.
“Dig your nails in,” he orders. “Really hard. Really dig them in and scratch me.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Yes you can. I love it.”
“But I don’t wanna HURT you!”
“It won’t. Just do it.”
And so, feeling rather ridiculous, wearing my jeans and nothing else, I straddle his back and begin to scratch him from shoulder blades to waist. The red track lines appear instantly and I’m not feeling great about this. I can only do this for a short while and before long I lay my nakedness down onto his back and hug him.
“I can’t do that any more. Your back is so red. I don’t like it.”
“OK,” he slightly grumbles and turns himself over beneath me, grabbing my hips and pulling me high over him so that my right boob is dangling near to his face.
He takes it in his mouth.
Once again I wait for the zinging pings of excitement to zip through me.
They don’t.
I look down at him, his eyes closed as he sucks and licks on my nipple.
It’s bordering on breastfeeding.
My face is ridiculously close to the headboard and I’m staring at it at close range.
Bored.
And I’m feeling zilch.
Freaky.
What IS wrong with me?
Thankfully he stops after a short while and rolls me down and onto my back so that he is now towering over me and smiling. He is so gorgeous and the fact that he is a little clumsy and awkward is strangely endearing - as if he’s not this ‘super-stud’ who lives up to his ‘Ade Gets Laid’ image. He comes down to kiss me again and I can feel ‘him’ hard and bulging as he pushes down on me.
“Sorry,” he whispers as he licks and sucks my neck, “I’m a little out of practice.”
“S’ok,” I murmur, “you’re lovely.”
And I mean it.
And his kisses on my neck and across my chest become more frantic and needy and I feel myself panting and wanting to hold him so close to me. He raises my legs up onto his shoulders and then I feel him unbuttoning my jeans and grasping them tightly by my belt. I squeak in a little protestation as he tugs them and in one movement pulls my jeans and g-string from my legs.
“My god Ade,” I whisper, “I’m completely naked now.”
“Yeah,” he grins, a wicked twinkle in his eye, “I know.”
“We can’t do this. It’s not right. Not so quick.”
“Course we can. You feel so good. I’m nuts about you.” And then he lowers himself down onto me again and kisses me, those tongue-jabby movements not improving.
I can feel his exposed flesh on the insides of my thigh and I feel a slight panic.
“Ade. No. We can’t do this. This isn’t right.“
And he hushes me with some more kisses and before I know it I can feel him inside of me!
It feels strange.
It’s been so long since I’ve been this close to a guy, but I know for a fact that I’ve never felt a dick so skinny!
I’m aware that I’m clenching my muscles ‘down there’ but it has little effect.
This is horrendous!
I look up at him, frowning and pumping and we hold the eye contact as he smiles at me and then lowers himself to kiss me once again.
But I’m just not feeling this moment.
It’s not worth it.
I didn’t really want it.
But isn’t the first time ALWAYS awkward?
And wasn’t it inevitable that I was going to be a little disappointed? After all, I’ve fancied him so much and for so long, wasn’t I destined to be disappointed? Be realistic, it’s never like it is in the movies, is it!

*

He gives up shortly after, probably realising that there was going to be no wave-crashing, earth-shattering resolution to this. So he lays beside me, his glorious tanned and hairy chest rising and falling rapidly as he begins to regulate his breathing.
I rest my head on his chest, slowly twirling my finger around his nipple, watching it pucker and tighten. His hands feel tender, stroking my hair lovingly and then he says,
“You got any toys?“
“Yeah,“ I grin to myself, “I have a little red car and a Barbie doll - but I don’t get to play with them much.“
He doesn’t laugh, but carries on with,
“I could use them on you. Bring them around next time we’re together and I’ll play with you with them.“
“Yeah,“ I smile to myself, contentedly, “I’ll do that.“
Then he pulls me up to face him, kisses me slowly and I fall asleep once again to the feeling of him gently stroking my face and hair....

*

We wake again and the mood in the room is different. I can hear the wood pigeons ‘coo coooo, coo coooo’ing’ outside and the sound of slightly increased traffic flow. I’ve turned in my sleep and have my back to him, my knees tucked up and almost in the foetal position. He wakes me with his hands on my bare bum, squeezing it and rubbing it sensually,
“Hmmmmm, this gives me an idea of what I could do to you later on.”
I straighten my legs and turn to face him,
“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”
He hugs me tight and closes his eyes, “No.”
“I have to.”
“No. You’re not going anywhere.”
I laugh and try to wriggle away, “Ade! I have to go.”
“Nope.”
“Ade?”
His eyes are clamped shut and he is hugging me so tightly that I can’t get away.
“Nope. You’re not going anywhere. I’m keeping you here with me forever.”
But I manage to tickle him into submission and make my bare-arsed exit for the bathroom.
I return to the bed to find that he’s ready for some more of me and am disappointed to find that his technique is no better the second time around.
He is sexually clumsy and rather immature, which shocks me, given his iconic Geezer magazine status. But I really like him and I’m looking forward to spending more time with him, doing all the things that he’s suggested - like going for meals to his favourite Chinese restaurant, chilling out at his place, playing with my sex toys and really getting to know each other. The sex stuff? We can work on that. His severe lack of fineries is something that I can educate him on.
Ade Ford, despite his lack of sexual prowess, could actually make me consider shelving the entire notion of staying single for another 14 weeks. I mean, if I’ve found what I’m looking for - if I have a man that is ticking (virtually) all the boxes, then why jeopardise that for the sake of a stupid magazine column?

Chapter Sixty Two
Chapter Sixty Four

Chapter Sixty Two - Contended Bliss

OK, OK! I had to make a decision and based on the speedy and overwhelming responses I’ve had to my ‘dilemma’ I decided to go for it! The shooting zips of excitement that were whizzing up my arms as Ade held my hand made it difficult to think straight. And I’m still not entirely sure that I am - thinking straight. I felt like something out of a James Bond film as I watched the helicopter start the propellers and Ade was gently tugging at my hand to go with him. Delaney’s smile was huge and Ross and Darren looked ecstatic at the live ’action’. Delaney showed a soft side and gave me a hug as she whispered in my ear, “this is so much more than we’d hoped for on the ‘dilemma’ front! Sophie, it was intended as a simple ‘should she see him again or not’? As a ‘would YOU go out with this guy again‘ question. But good luck to you. Enjoy this!”
I felt sick with nerves and felt slightly pressurised by Delaney’s excitement, coupled with the camera presence. So feeling rather ridiculous but also very excited and nervous I ducked down and ran to the helicopter with Adrian.
I felt even more sick minutes later when the helicopter took off and we swooped away from the rink, leaving behind The Temperate House lit up in multicolour and the heavy thudding sounds chopping in my head. Ade put his arm around my hips and pulled me close to his side. This was SO romantic that if I wasn’t hugging on to his arm so tightly I’d have had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. As we sped across the night sky I giggled at his lame jokes about enjoying his huge chopper - they were slightly crude and clumsy and made me feel a little unsure about him - just fleetingly. And then he kissed my cheek lightly and began to melt me with his words.
“You know, Sophie, we won’t ALWAYS travel like this. We‘ll have to pull in favours like this only on extra special occasions.”
And I looked into his warm eyes and we’d sniggered at the pretence of it all. And then he’d told me about a fabulous Chinese restaurant that he’d been to only last week and couldn’t WAIT to take me to. Looking down over the festive lights of London below I felt a glow that warmed my entire body from deep within me and buzzing gently outwards to my skin. I’ve never been so crazy about a guy who has made me feel as if we both want to build an exciting future together.
“It‘ll be a great Christmas this year,” he added. I didn‘t have the heart to mention that I’m going to be in L.A for the festivities - the timing just seemed wrong, so I let him continue, “You can come over to my place and spend some time just chilling. We can stay in bed all day and I can hold you. I have some fab new CD’s that you’re gonna love. And I just HAVE to take you to that Chinese restaurant!”
Then he’d hugged me and turned my face to his and kissed me until the electric shocks shot through my lips and straight into my head. The realisation that I haven’t felt as cosy and close as this for a long time suddenly hit me and almost made me cry. I‘ve missed this. And before I knew it he was stroking my hair from my face and kissing me again. It felt slightly clumsy though - his kissing. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the moment as I waited for his kisses to make my stomach flip. But they didn’t. And I wondered whether I was a little out of practice. It must have been that. Because I am completely mad about this guy. And I can really see us carving a future together. I found myself not quite knowing what to say - as if I was watching myself from the outside – how I look and act and what I was saying. And yet it was never like this with Rob. I have always been 100% ME with him. But then again, my ‘relationship’ with Rob was one that grew from friendship. And this, with Ade, is what is meant to be.

Minutes later we were lowering down onto a helipad at the London Heliport at Battersea and I noticed the sleek black Mercedes waiting. Ade was the perfect gentleman, taking my hand and helping me hop out of the helicopter before leading me to the Merc, ready to be whisked off to the Dorchester.


*

This is gorgeous! I’m totally blown away, although a bit nervous about all of this. It’s all so, well, over the top! We walk into this opulent room, both a little flustered after the highs (literally) of the journey and the adrenalin of the skating. It’s all been so heady and exhilarating and after the blustery exit from the helicopter and the chopping in-flight noise, the quietness of this room is buzzing in my ears. I don’t really know what to do with myself. The bed seems like a huge white elephant in the middle of the room and I don’t want it to be the focus! As much as I really fancy Ade I don’t want this just to be about sex. He has made me feel that he’s as keen as I am about working toward a loving relationship - he obviously can envisage a future with me, given what he was saying in the helicopter so it’s inevitable that we’re going to sleep together. But it has to be more than just that. Feeling a little awkward I go into the bathroom, the shine off the gold taps dazzling me - and I hear his voice as he speaks on the phone. I twirl my hair up into a high knot and twist my g-string around it tightly to hold it in place before nipping into the luxury power shower for a quick wash. It’s not so great having to put on my ice skating clothes afterwards, but there’s no way I’m going back in there naked! I return into the room to find that he’s had brandy and nibbles sent to the room.
“I was going to book us a room in the restaurant babe, but I’m a bit knackered. How do you feel about it?“
“No,“ I smile at him and flop down onto the sumptuous bed, “I’m way tired. This looks great. And I’m not hungry, anyway. Let’s just relax here, that’s fine with me.“
Ade flicks through the television stations, not even pausing at the porn (which slightly impressed me, I have to say!) and stopped it at the ‘100 Love Songs’ channel.
I feel the tension of the last few weeks begin to drain from my body, as if the plush bedding beneath me is sucking it away from me and soaking it up. I drink my brandy in 4 mouthfuls and begin to tingle. Within minutes I’m snuggled into Ade’s arms. It’s all just so right. His arms feel so natural and comfortable around me, his mouth feels as if it was made to fit mine and it’s as if we’ve known each other for years. His kissing is a little rushed, but that makes me feel kind of nice - as if he can’t wait to devour me. But he’ll have to. He doesn’t attempt to remove my clothing, nor touch any parts of my body other than my face and arms as he hugs me tightly, contentedly.
“This is lovely, isn’t it?“ He murmurs in my ear, his voice low and husky. “People weren’t made to be alone. This is really nice...“
And I grin and agree with a light “mmm,“ before slipping into a cosy and happy sleep.

Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Three

Sophie Dilemma #1

OK - firstly I must apologise for the wait.

Ross and Darren took ages editing this video and now they have it ready for you all to see.

The issue is - WHAT DO I DO NEXT?

Do I go with Ade in his helicopter? Or should I refuse, on the grounds that he hurt me so badly before??

Talk about a dilemma!

I think Delaney had only agreed to this whole 'Sophie Dilemma' idea on the basis that you were all going to help me decide whether to see the guy again? Not whether I should be whisked away for a night of romance in a private helicopter!!!

Anyway, I'm having a few problems loading it to www.sophiedilemma.com, so for now, and without further ado, please look at this short film, and then PLEASE help me decide what happens next??



Comments welcome - PLEASE!

Sophie..xxx


Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Two

Chapter Sixty One - Joining The Kew!

That was such good fun! My cheeks are glowing and my nose is freezing and I’m buzzing. Every time Ade catches my hand the tingle shoots straight up my arm and hits me somewhere between the eyes. There’s a physicality between us, a chemistry that feels so natural and as if we’ve been together forever. Still on camera, we’re making our way across to Café Ice, my feet feeling awkward in my boots now, after the ice skates. I’m so excited and it all feels SO Christmassy! The Temperate House looks positively glowing, the glass building lit up with multicolour fairy lights and I realise that I‘m in the middle of a Lowry painting - the crowds looking like matchstick people, their arms and legs jutting as they stumble on the ice.

Café Ice has a glorious festive smell to it, a mixture of spiced mulled wine and fruit and chocolate. We find a cosy table and Ade order us both a luxury Galaxy hot chocolate topped with cream. It’s really tough to drink through the cream and I know that I look flirty as I dip my finger into the cream and then suck it. Just sitting and talking to Ade makes me feel sexual and as if every nerve ending in my body is on red alert. His presence debilitates me to the point where I feel I’m losing my personality and I feel an overwhelming lust for him, which kind of freaks me out! This ISN’T how it was supposed to be!

And then, just as I’m completely lost in my Galaxy hot choc and my naughty thoughts, he leans across the table and says something that blows me away.
“This ‘dilemma’ idea?”
I nod, wide-eyed as he continues,
“Well, the ‘dilemma’ is whether you should go out with me a second time, right?”
“Yep, reckon so,” I’m sucking more cream off my fingers as I answer him.
“Well,” his smile is stunning, “I’m just about to up my game then.”
I smile at him. “How?”
“I have something to ask you.”
And he leans across the table and takes my hand. My heart sprints into double speed as it bangs rapidly in my chest. I feel my cheeks flush as the camera moves in ultra close at our table side.
And then he says it...
“I’m ashamed at how I treated you earlier in the year. I was flimsy and now want the chance to show you how you SHOULD be treated by a man. A real man. Let me BE that man.”
And as my brain rushes to unscramble what he’s trying to say, he indicates across to the rink-side with a nod.
“Come with me,” he says, just as a small helicopter lowers itself, polka dotted with the reflection of the red and green Christmas lights of Kew Gardens at night.
I try not to choke on my drink as the camera pans around to watch it land, and then comes straight back to my befuzzled facial expression....

Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty Two