Pulling Power #14

Some come back lines from the girlies....

Chapter Thirty Eight - The Summer of Love?

I returned from my week in Gran Canaria to a whole new life and I’ve spent the summer months living a bizarre circus that slightly resembled my old life, but was dazzling and neon. In my week of sun and sangria’d minging-singles-holiday-hell things had changed at Woman to Woman. In fact, my entire life took a rather upward turn in the weeks since then.

Firstly Victoria Harris came out of rehab whilst I was away and I returned with a glorious suntan (and mild heat rash across my chest and an irritatingly dry scalp!), to find her glaring at me, all pale skin and cheekbones from across the office. From that first glance of her I knew that she wasn’t as ‘into’ my Relationship Rehab as the rest of the population. But then again, I’d taken her column inches, so it was little surprise really. My website had exploded with messages and ‘hits’ and Delaney nearly pulled the flip flops off of me as she’d dragged me into her office for ‘the latest’. She’d told me that I’d been at the centre of an office feud, as Victoria had insisted on reclaiming her column, but Delaney had shaken the emails in her face like a Spanish fan as she’d squealed with delight at how Richard & Judy wanted me to appear, along with requests from Cosmopolitan and RedBook magazine to write features and sell my staying single story!

In the weeks that followed I can’t tell you how many times I was glad that I’d hated the Singles Holiday! It had meant that I spent so much more time beside the pool, and returning home with that fabulous suntan set me in great stead for the upcoming events. The photo shoot with Geezer? I’d be so nervous, but it was completely fabulous! I’d made sure that I was waxed and tweezed to within an inch of my life and I felt great. Remember those airbrushed Kate Winslet pictures in GQ mag? I got the same treatment and it was the start of a massive media spin. Of course, once I got over my initial nerves and realised that neither Trevor nor Ade would be at the photo shoot, I loved the whole experience. My excitement on publication day was slightly dampened by Tam and Jen both calling and screeching down the phone that the pictures looked nothing like me, but I knew it was me! And so did Ade - judging by the sporadic emails he is still sending me by means of apology. ‘Clever Trevor’ Malone continued to send me bouquets, but soon became bored and stopped. Either that or he was put off by the immense competition as suddenly I had guys literally falling at my feet, teasing me with lavish gifts and expensive nights out. And it was just fun, fun, fun all the way-hay...

Only it wasn’t.

And I’m glad now that the summer is coming to a close and the leaves are beginning to crinkle, a little like my resolve to stay single. I’ve never been good at seeing the wood from the trees and now with this influx of strange new men, I’ll admit that without Tam and Rob to prop me up I’m sure I’d have thrown in the proverbial towel by now. I’ve become a ‘brand’, a ‘product’ and I have something now, called a ‘profile’ - which I don’t want. All I wanted was to get some balance back into my life by choosing not to have a monkey - I mean, a man. And it’s all gone bananas.

*

It’s been nearly five months since I started this fiasco and I’m lonelier than ever! It’s strange, isn’t it, that when I was dating the wrong guys and getting dumped left right and centre I was shrugging bad dates off with a resilience and optimism. But now I’ve been immersed in the singleton world I feel lonely and sad. I only ever really noticed couples before with a slightly cynical outlook that it probably wasn’t as great as it all appeared, but now I’m ready to share my life with that special guy, but it’s like sand in my hands - the tighter I try to squeeze, the faster it seems to slip away.
Delaney’s latest idea makes me nervous too. She called me into her office last week...
“Sophie? Liz Jones from Tatler was telling me about the perfect dating site for you to report on. www.sugardaddie.com and www.millionairematch.com are sites where the ‘classy and affluent can meet’. You need to find out more about this. Get yourself on there Sophie and see who you can find? I want you to try this out and write it up for your next column.”
So I’ve been adding my tired profile to these sites and I have to admit the guys generally come across as great - you don’t seem to get so much of that desperado look, those stupid puppy dog eyes or cocky geezer types that the other dating sites are littered with. So I’m sitting naked on my bed, cross-legged with my laptop in front of me as I try to ignore my boobs as they jiggle before me as I type in the answers to the questions that the sugardaddies want to know about me - how much I earn a year, what my body type is, and what I’m looking for in a relationship... Same old, same old, same old.....
And then I notice a face that I recognise.
And I’m shocked.
Firstly, because I had no idea that he earned that kind of money.
And secondly, because I’ve been fighting strong feelings for him and now, realising that he’s loaded and looking for love, has made it all seem different.
And I’m shocked to feel my stomach flip with fear that some Barbie doll will snap him up and get him before I can.
I suddenly realise what I might lose and how much he’s started to mean to me.....

Chapter Thirty Seven - Reality Bites
Chapter Thirty Nine -

Pulling Power #13

A few 'choice' chat up lines straight from Playa del Ingles, Gran Canaria.

Singles holidays don't mean that the chat up lines are any better! Trust me!

Holiday Snaps - wish I was back on the beach.

Back to life... Back to reality...

Wish I was back on holiday. As bad as the singles scene was, I'd do anything right now to avoid facing Geezer magazine.

Back with new update tomorrow - need to sleep things off tonight...


Here's a few pix - hot off the press from Gran Canaria...

























Delaney who?

Adrian what?

xx

Loving these Spanish keyboards!!

I just had to have a play before I signed off from Gran Canaria.

These keyboards are fab, full of ñññs and ¿¿¿¿¿¿ and other things you don´t get back home.

Like a couple of ÇÇÇÇÇÇçççççççs and ªªªªªªª and ººººººº and ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¿¿¿¿¿¿¿!!!!!!!

Loviñg it!!

La vida loca!

Adios amigos!

xxx

Chapter 37 - Reality Bites!

So it´s nearly all over. I´m tanned and toned, but not necessarily as chilled as I´d have hoped. The Geezer photoshoot is hanging over me like a German tourist´s beer gut and I´m just waiting for the Spanish inquisition from Mum, Jen and Tamsin. I´m surprised to admit that I can´t wait to see Rob! For some reason he personifies a tranquility and balance that I´m lacking in my life, he makes me feel secure and puts all this mess into perspective. Hmmm, wasn´t expecting that!

I´ve had a couple of little weepy moments by the pool, mostly hangover fuelled, but this has made me realise what a brave face I´m putting on everything. I´m pretending that I want to be single, whereas the reality is that I DON´T. I just don´t want to be in a relationship for the sake of it either. It´s all kind of lonely, this singledom lark, but a partnership has to be right too. There has to be balance and security too, doesn´t there?

Anyway, I´ve just emailed this to Delaney...

Relationship Rehab – week 6
The trouble with a one week holiday is that you´re no sooner relaxed and slipped into the vibe of R&R than it´s time to go home. Singles holidays are great if you want guaranteed sex with a suntan. Without the constraints of our at-home identities, our jobs, our day-to-day lives, funny Jimmy from Scunthorpe looks like a great catch! And then you talk to his mates and realise that he´s been unemployed for nearly 2 years and lives at home with his Mum! Not exactly a match made in heaven, but this holiday vibe gives us all a new refreshed persona. I hate to be unromantic, but there´s a lot to be said for knowing WHO somebody is and you simply can´t get the measure of people out of their environs. Which is, I suppose, why holiday romances seldom last. We get back to our lives, and the bubble bursts along with the rain clouds.
Still, I´ve not yet found a way to meet a great single guy and there´s still no man that has made me regret CHOOSING to stay single.
Back to UK tomorrow, so expect a longer and much less cynical Relationship Rehab next week!
Sophie.xxx

Chapter 36 - The Cluck Of The Irish

I don´t know how I´d get through these singles nights without the Irish contingency! Let me try and explain how awful this singles holiday is.... Imagine every possible reality TV show you can... Think ´The Villa´ coupled with ´Big Brother´and add a little ´Jodie Marsh Wants To Get Married To Some Rich Guy That She´s Only Just Met´- and you get the idea. And last night the ultimate sin. I was called a ´cracking bird´! Remember that? Danny-the-chav-Mullins called me that right back at the beginning! And then I got "you up for some action babe, cos I got free munfs of fukkin to catch up on!" Yes, dire. Anyway I wandered from the cattle market and headed for the Irish bars - Mulligans, Molly Malones, Finnegans and loads of others, and felt instantly at home. You know what you´re getting with the Irish - too much drink, lots of laughs and no pretence - the most down-to-earth crowd and for the first time since I moved to London, I really missed home. Anyway, I got into a hen party of women from Waterford and we had such a laugh. They didn´t give a damn what anybody thought of them, from the waiters, to the guys, from the overweight tourists right down to the snooty 60-something couples. And today I´ve been nursing a mother of a headache. But it was worth it - I needed to let off some steam.

It´s kind of nice, but weird recovering from a hangover by the pool and shade is essential! I´ve been trying to muster up what to write for Relationship Rehab tomorrow but it´s hard with Michael Buble crooning in the background and making me feel sad. I´m melancholy and lonely and realise that as much as I want to stay single, simply to keep myself away from destructive men, I´m also desperate for some intimacy too. In EVERY sense of the word. I´ve been watching the old wrinklies by the pool and how they let it all hang out. They´re completely relaxed with each other and I imagine that they know each others bodies better than they know their own, and it makes me wonder whether I´ll ever be that relaxed with a man. I also wonder whether they´re as contented as they seem - or has their marriage been dogged with problems, extra maritals, gambling, celibacy... Who can ever tell? But they´re still together and relaxing in the sunshine, so whatever the compromise, it surely can´t be that bad, can it?

I´ve just sent an email to Delaney promising my poolside Relationship Rehab tomorrow.

For now...
I need to just lay back and tune back in to Michael Buble.
These dark glasses are great for hiding the tears, if only I could keep my mouth from pincing at the same time.....