Courtesy of www.wordle.net
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Chapter 69 - The Thighs The Limit!!!
Tam was gushing about the log cabin and Rob could feel the muscles in his cheeks twitching as he tried to hold his fake grin.
But she was relentless.
Unstoppable.
She'd gone from hugging him so tightly and thanking him for letting her go, to pacing the kitchen, uncorking a bottle of wine, dragging him to the sofa where she pushed a too-full glass into his hand, to grappling in her bag for her camera, turning it on and now she was racing through a series of snapshots of snow scenes.
And all without a breath!
So how come he was the one who felt suffocated?
He couldn't get Sophie's 'Dilemmas' out of his head and that clip where she took Ade's hand and climbed into the helicopter with him was just replaying again and again and again in his mind. Torturing him.
"And Rob, you should have seen the fireplace in the cabin! It was colossal! And there's nothing as cozy as the sounds of the wood crackling and spitting and the flames were huge! It was just like one of those Christmas music videos. We need to go again next year as it would be just fantastic with a crowd. We could ask Sophie too. Honestly, she'll just love it! We just need a crowd of us!"
He grabbed his wine glass and downed the drink in one, standing abruptly and sliding his jacket on. Tam was surprised.
"Where you going?"
"Oh, I've, erm… gotta go."
"You're fumbling! What's up?"
"Nothing! I'm just tired and shit. You know. Long day. And I only came to get the heating on and stuff. Ready for when you got home."
Tam nodded toward her laptop, "and use the laptop?"
"Yeah," he realized he'd left it open at www.sophiedilemma.com and was pissed off about it, "yeah, to use your laptop." He walked toward it to close the open tab but Tam jumped up before him.
"S'ok. Leave it on. I need to catch up on some emails too. And I want to get some of these photos up on Facebook."
"No, it's ok. I need to log out of that site anyway," he bluffed, desperate for Tam not to see that he'd been following what Sophie was doing.
"Rob?" Tam stood in front of him. "Are you OK?"
"Yep. Fine."
"So why are you all jumpy and weird?"
"I'm not! Just tired. Look, let me just close down that page I was in."
Tam calmly walked across to her laptop and didn't see Rob cringing behind her. She bent to see what he'd been looking at, half fearing that it was something xxx-rated or some weird porn fetish site that she didn't want to look at OR think that her brother was into. He watched her as she bent and then stood, turning to face him.
"It's Sophie's stuff."
"Yep."
"Why are you looking at that?"
"Dunno."
"What is it? The first of her 4 'dilemma' dates?"
"Dunno. Yeah. Some crap like that."
Tam pressed on the video and watched her ice skating with Ade and then both of them taking off in the helicopter together afterwards. She felt sick. It was weird.
"So….. Why are you looking at this?"
"Dunno."
And there was something about the sadness in his eyes, the sag of his shoulders that suddenly made sense.
"Oh… My…. God…. You're in love with her aren't you?"
"Yeah. And it's shit."
He slumped down onto the sofa and as Tam slumped down beside him she agreed,
"Too right it is…"
*
If my inner thighs could talk they'd be screaming in pain.
As if it wasn't tough enough, gripping for dear life with my hands, my legs were like steel rods as they tried to balance on the trapeze swing.
Jonny was great – which made the whole façade a little easier, but I'm now *officially* bruised both on the inside and the outside.
Ade managed to make me feel battered emotionally and Circus Space has seen to it that I have:
a bruise the shape of South Africa on my upper left arm
another bruise – a little more like China with perhaps Ireland joined on to it – just above my right boob (don't ask me how that got there!)
legs that refuse to climb up or down a staircase without turning to complete jelly. (My muscles are in total rigor mortis!)
blisters on the palms of both hands (from hanging on for dear life to the trapeze swing)
So.
There you have it.
A mess on all counts.
To be honest, for a moment there I thought the aching thighs might have been from my sexual shenanigans with Ade.
And then I remembered.
He was crap.
And *it* didn't really happen.
Not in the real sense.
I have another 2 days until the next date and I know it's going to be hell as it's Ballroom Dancing with Hassan SomebodyOrOther. I desperately need some TLC and pampering before I take that on so perhaps this is the perfect moment to book my evening at the spa. I'm going to go for the whole shebang too. I wanted to book in for a leg and armpit wax for Mum's Christmas L.A wedding and I wanted a St Tropez session, so I think I'll go for a full body massage and wax and then book in the spray tan for next week.
I'll be a great tangerine, what with my orangey flecked dress too.
Mum will be delighted!
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Sixty Eight
But she was relentless.
Unstoppable.
She'd gone from hugging him so tightly and thanking him for letting her go, to pacing the kitchen, uncorking a bottle of wine, dragging him to the sofa where she pushed a too-full glass into his hand, to grappling in her bag for her camera, turning it on and now she was racing through a series of snapshots of snow scenes.
And all without a breath!
So how come he was the one who felt suffocated?
He couldn't get Sophie's 'Dilemmas' out of his head and that clip where she took Ade's hand and climbed into the helicopter with him was just replaying again and again and again in his mind. Torturing him.
"And Rob, you should have seen the fireplace in the cabin! It was colossal! And there's nothing as cozy as the sounds of the wood crackling and spitting and the flames were huge! It was just like one of those Christmas music videos. We need to go again next year as it would be just fantastic with a crowd. We could ask Sophie too. Honestly, she'll just love it! We just need a crowd of us!"
He grabbed his wine glass and downed the drink in one, standing abruptly and sliding his jacket on. Tam was surprised.
"Where you going?"
"Oh, I've, erm… gotta go."
"You're fumbling! What's up?"
"Nothing! I'm just tired and shit. You know. Long day. And I only came to get the heating on and stuff. Ready for when you got home."
Tam nodded toward her laptop, "and use the laptop?"
"Yeah," he realized he'd left it open at www.sophiedilemma.com and was pissed off about it, "yeah, to use your laptop." He walked toward it to close the open tab but Tam jumped up before him.
"S'ok. Leave it on. I need to catch up on some emails too. And I want to get some of these photos up on Facebook."
"No, it's ok. I need to log out of that site anyway," he bluffed, desperate for Tam not to see that he'd been following what Sophie was doing.
"Rob?" Tam stood in front of him. "Are you OK?"
"Yep. Fine."
"So why are you all jumpy and weird?"
"I'm not! Just tired. Look, let me just close down that page I was in."
Tam calmly walked across to her laptop and didn't see Rob cringing behind her. She bent to see what he'd been looking at, half fearing that it was something xxx-rated or some weird porn fetish site that she didn't want to look at OR think that her brother was into. He watched her as she bent and then stood, turning to face him.
"It's Sophie's stuff."
"Yep."
"Why are you looking at that?"
"Dunno."
"What is it? The first of her 4 'dilemma' dates?"
"Dunno. Yeah. Some crap like that."
Tam pressed
"So….. Why are you looking at this?"
"Dunno."
And there was something about the sadness in his eyes, the sag of his shoulders that suddenly made sense.
"Oh… My…. God…. You're in love with her aren't you?"
"Yeah. And it's shit."
He slumped down onto the sofa and as Tam slumped down beside him she agreed,
"Too right it is…"
*
If my inner thighs could talk they'd be screaming in pain.
As if it wasn't tough enough, gripping for dear life with my hands, my legs were like steel rods as they tried to balance on the trapeze swing.
Jonny was great – which made the whole façade a little easier, but I'm now *officially* bruised both on the inside and the outside.
Ade managed to make me feel battered emotionally and Circus Space has seen to it that I have:
a bruise the shape of South Africa on my upper left arm
another bruise – a little more like China with perhaps Ireland joined on to it – just above my right boob (don't ask me how that got there!)
legs that refuse to climb up or down a staircase without turning to complete jelly. (My muscles are in total rigor mortis!)
blisters on the palms of both hands (from hanging on for dear life to the trapeze swing)
So.
There you have it.
A mess on all counts.
To be honest, for a moment there I thought the aching thighs might have been from my sexual shenanigans with Ade.
And then I remembered.
He was crap.
And *it* didn't really happen.
Not in the real sense.
I have another 2 days until the next date and I know it's going to be hell as it's Ballroom Dancing with Hassan SomebodyOrOther. I desperately need some TLC and pampering before I take that on so perhaps this is the perfect moment to book my evening at the spa. I'm going to go for the whole shebang too. I wanted to book in for a leg and armpit wax for Mum's Christmas L.A wedding and I wanted a St Tropez session, so I think I'll go for a full body massage and wax and then book in the spray tan for next week.
I'll be a great tangerine, what with my orangey flecked dress too.
Mum will be delighted!
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Sixty Eight
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Chapter 68 - Swingers & Mingers
Chapter 68 - Swingers & Mingers
I was right about Jonny. He was nice and easy-going and as soft and velvety as his black curls. Like a milk-bath, a vanilla-scented spa treatment or an afternoon with your favorite uncle - he was JUST what I needed. No fake laughter. No bull. We were both clumsy and awkward with the diabolo, either failing to catch the spinning object on half inch of string or sending it flying off at random angles.
I have to admit, as predicted, I DID giggle. Especially when it nearly hit the loudmouth that I'd thought was Jonny. And, NOT as predicted, Jonny WAS funny. Not in a laugh-a-minute, joke-cracking way. More of a slightly 'off-the-wall', observant way. I didn't want to crack a smile and be predictable but I couldn't help it, what with his daft comments and playful jibes. He was a funny guy!
Ross and Darren were slightly annoying as they kept stopping the cameras from rolling and asking me and Jonny to face left, or face right so that the angles and shots were good, but with Jonny's soothing way I soon found myself not so aware of them and, I have to admit, I actually DID start having some fun. The loudmouth turned out to be a regular at Circus Space and, I imagine was more of a clown in his real life than he could ever pretend to be in a circus. Of course, once the cameras were rolling he was drawn to the spotlight like a moth to the headlamps and it was only a matter of time before he started appearing, by 'accident', in the background. Jonny could see that Ross and Darren were getting annoyed and handled it expertly, turning to face the guy and charming him into the action.
"Hey, c'mon over here. You look like you know what you're doing."
Of course he was delighted and couldn't get close to us quick enough.
"Right," Jonny smiled, "show us how you do it."
And the guy obliged. With each hurl of the bean-filled juggling balls he mutated into the clown. And with the camera crew zooming in on Jonny and his new friend, at least it took the pressure off of me!
"You're a natural!" Jonny encouraged him.
"Thanks!" he guffawed.. And then proceeded to mutate into that clown even more. I glanced down to notice his wide-legged stance to see that his feet were huge! All he needed was the red nose.
"Hey," he chortled, mid-juggle, "why won't cannibals eat clowns?"
"What?" Jonny frowned at him, and then us, and then back at him again.
"Because they taste funny!"
We all rolled our eyes but the camera was specifically on ME when I did. Just my luck. Bet I look ridiculous!
Our collective groan clearly didn't deter him, as he rolled out another line,
"You know, my dear departed uncle was a circus clown before he died…"
Suddenly he stopped juggling and stood, motionless, the juggling balls cupped in his hands as the animated version of him ceased and we saw his shoulders sag as he stared down at the floor.
That makes sense then! It's all falling into place. It's obvious now! His uncle was a circus clown and he wants to continue the family tradition. I can just imagine him as a kid, sitting in the big top clapping and grinning, full of pride for the funny uncle, the favorite clown in the entire troupe. A little boy, like in those Hovis adverts, in his hand-knitted, woollen jumper, clapping and cheering louder than any child in the crowd….
Just as I began to feel a little empathy for the guy he broke his trance and spoke, his voice quiet this time….
"Yeah… He was a great circus clown before he died. I remember all his friends came to the funeral in one car!"
We paused. Then it sank in. And the guy burst into life again, laughing as he shouted, "Honk Honk!" in a loud nasal impression of a car hooter.
He was awful.
Nobody laughed.
And then just when we thought we were stuck with him Jonny surprised me by grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the trapeze net and ladders.
"OK, so who's going first?" he smiled at me. He has the most stunning blue eyes. I can't help but notice.
"Not me!"
"OK, let's go up together. That ladder looks scary."
"I don't want to go up there! It's too high."
"C'mon," he took my hand and squeezed it, "let's go up together." Then he leaned in so close to be out of the microphone pick up zone and whispered, "and we ARE supposed to be on a 'date'. At least let's flirt a bit, hey?"
He's lovely.
"OK," I agreed and took his hand as the cameras followed our steps to the base of the high ladder leading to the trapeze swings.
*
I squealed at the trapeze - my god, they are just SO high. It's been years since I've been on a playground swing, never mind perched on a thin rod suspended 50 feet in the air. Net or no net - I was petrified! Of course, I fell. About 9 times. And Jonny was there, at the side of the huge bouncy net to help me down. In a strange way it was all rather therapeutic. The suspending myself in the air, the concentration required to try and juggle three balls at a time… It was almost like those team-building events where, regardless of the egg-heads you work with, you still come away feeling a little better about yourself, slightly more at peace with who you are.
And I have.
Jonny has, unbeknown to him, restored my temporary loss of faith in menkind.
Chapter Sixty Seven
Chapter Sixty Nine
I was right about Jonny. He was nice and easy-going and as soft and velvety as his black curls. Like a milk-bath, a vanilla-scented spa treatment or an afternoon with your favorite uncle - he was JUST what I needed. No fake laughter. No bull. We were both clumsy and awkward with the diabolo, either failing to catch the spinning object on half inch of string or sending it flying off at random angles.
I have to admit, as predicted, I DID giggle. Especially when it nearly hit the loudmouth that I'd thought was Jonny. And, NOT as predicted, Jonny WAS funny. Not in a laugh-a-minute, joke-cracking way. More of a slightly 'off-the-wall', observant way. I didn't want to crack a smile and be predictable but I couldn't help it, what with his daft comments and playful jibes. He was a funny guy!
Ross and Darren were slightly annoying as they kept stopping the cameras from rolling and asking me and Jonny to face left, or face right so that the angles and shots were good, but with Jonny's soothing way I soon found myself not so aware of them and, I have to admit, I actually DID start having some fun. The loudmouth turned out to be a regular at Circus Space and, I imagine was more of a clown in his real life than he could ever pretend to be in a circus. Of course, once the cameras were rolling he was drawn to the spotlight like a moth to the headlamps and it was only a matter of time before he started appearing, by 'accident', in the background. Jonny could see that Ross and Darren were getting annoyed and handled it expertly, turning to face the guy and charming him into the action.
"Hey, c'mon over here. You look like you know what you're doing."
Of course he was delighted and couldn't get close to us quick enough.
"Right," Jonny smiled, "show us how you do it."
And the guy obliged. With each hurl of the bean-filled juggling balls he mutated into the clown. And with the camera crew zooming in on Jonny and his new friend, at least it took the pressure off of me!
"You're a natural!" Jonny encouraged him.
"Thanks!" he guffawed.. And then proceeded to mutate into that clown even more. I glanced down to notice his wide-legged stance to see that his feet were huge! All he needed was the red nose.
"Hey," he chortled, mid-juggle, "why won't cannibals eat clowns?"
"What?" Jonny frowned at him, and then us, and then back at him again.
"Because they taste funny!"
We all rolled our eyes but the camera was specifically on ME when I did. Just my luck. Bet I look ridiculous!
Our collective groan clearly didn't deter him, as he rolled out another line,
"You know, my dear departed uncle was a circus clown before he died…"
Suddenly he stopped juggling and stood, motionless, the juggling balls cupped in his hands as the animated version of him ceased and we saw his shoulders sag as he stared down at the floor.
That makes sense then! It's all falling into place. It's obvious now! His uncle was a circus clown and he wants to continue the family tradition. I can just imagine him as a kid, sitting in the big top clapping and grinning, full of pride for the funny uncle, the favorite clown in the entire troupe. A little boy, like in those Hovis adverts, in his hand-knitted, woollen jumper, clapping and cheering louder than any child in the crowd….
Just as I began to feel a little empathy for the guy he broke his trance and spoke, his voice quiet this time….
"Yeah… He was a great circus clown before he died. I remember all his friends came to the funeral in one car!"
We paused. Then it sank in. And the guy burst into life again, laughing as he shouted, "Honk Honk!" in a loud nasal impression of a car hooter.
He was awful.
Nobody laughed.
And then just when we thought we were stuck with him Jonny surprised me by grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the trapeze net and ladders.
"OK, so who's going first?" he smiled at me. He has the most stunning blue eyes. I can't help but notice.
"Not me!"
"OK, let's go up together. That ladder looks scary."
"I don't want to go up there! It's too high."
"C'mon," he took my hand and squeezed it, "let's go up together." Then he leaned in so close to be out of the microphone pick up zone and whispered, "and we ARE supposed to be on a 'date'. At least let's flirt a bit, hey?"
He's lovely.
"OK," I agreed and took his hand as the cameras followed our steps to the base of the high ladder leading to the trapeze swings.
*
I squealed at the trapeze - my god, they are just SO high. It's been years since I've been on a playground swing, never mind perched on a thin rod suspended 50 feet in the air. Net or no net - I was petrified! Of course, I fell. About 9 times. And Jonny was there, at the side of the huge bouncy net to help me down. In a strange way it was all rather therapeutic. The suspending myself in the air, the concentration required to try and juggle three balls at a time… It was almost like those team-building events where, regardless of the egg-heads you work with, you still come away feeling a little better about yourself, slightly more at peace with who you are.
And I have.
Jonny has, unbeknown to him, restored my temporary loss of faith in menkind.
Chapter Sixty Seven
Chapter Sixty Nine
Monday, January 28, 2008
Chapter Sixty Seven - don't crack your cheekbones
Fake smiles.
Canned laughter.
Forced hilarity.
It's all bullshit.
And that's what this date is going to be.
The last thing I want to be doing tonight is going out with a comedian. The 'funny guy'. Like salt in the wound his cheesy grin and slapstick crap is just going to make me feel worse. In the shadow of the Ade fiasco this is painful.
Jonny Kowlowski? Never heard of him. He's an 'up-and-coming' comedian. Whatever that means. And so I'm standing, trying to take deep breaths of the stinging, cold night air as I brace myself outside Circus Space.
OK.
I'm going in.
I spot him immediately. The wiry guy standing by the crash mats, hands on hips as he guffaws whilst dropping 3 juggling balls.
Idiot.
Doesn't say much for his sense of humour if THAT makes him laugh.
And why are comedians NEVER good-looking? Name me one! Is it a kind of warped chicken-and-egg syndrome? Are they funny because they've HAD to be? Or does their ugliness simply add to their funniness?
Funniness? Is that a word....
I don't want to go over there and I'm relieved to notice Ross and Darren, fumbling about with their video equipment near the back wall. Thankful for something resembling a half-friendly face, I walk across to them, nearly getting my head chopped off by a passing trapeze artist swinging particularly low.
"Careful!" she shouts at me as she tarzans her way across the room.
I mumble under my breath at her. I sound like Muttley from the cartoons.
I'm wondering who the curly-haired guy is with Ross and Darren. Probably an assistant or something, or maybe our contact at Circus Space. He has that friendly look to him. You know, the kind of look that makes you know you'll feel comfortable with him. His dark curls resemble the guy who won Andrew Lloyd Webber's Joseph competition and he looks casual and relaxed in his rugby polo shirt and jeans. They look up at me as I get closer.
"Sophie!" he smiles a dazzling wide smile and reaches out his hand to shake mine.
"Hi." I can't help but smile back but when Ross and Darren both stand to greet me I have to admit that I'm cringing as I wonder whether they know what a shit Ade was after the last date.
"OK?" I announce bravely, "what we doing then? I've seen him already. Over there making a complete fool of himself. I hope you're not expecting me to continually laugh at his crap jokes, cos I'm really not in the mood."
Darren smiles a strange smile at me, "No. We're not expecting that. Not at all. Em, what are YOU expecting Sophie?"
I shrug, a stroppy teenager refusing to make eye contact, "Well by the way he's carrying on over there I doubt he's going to be a laugh a minute is he? But don't they say that's always the way with comedians? They try so hard to be funny all the time that they're actually boring as hell?"
The assistant placed his arm around my shoulders as he leaned toward me and whispered in my ear, his curls tickling my cheek, "I promise I won't try to be a laugh a minute. Although I can't guarantee that you'll find it hilarious watching me try the static trapeze and tight-rope walk."
Frowning, I turn to face him. "Sorry?"
"I didn't get the chance," his voice was deep but soft as he extended his hand once again, "Jonny Kowlowski. 'Up-and-coming' comedian who doesn't continually tell crap jokes or make a complete fool of himself. At least, not all of the time."
I feel myself blush. Furiously.
"Oh."
"Yeah," he smiled, "oh. No problem. But I have to say, I'm rather disappointed that you thought I'd look like HIM over there!"
Maybe this won't be the disaster that I'd expected. Jonny seems relaxed and at ease with himself and as I watch him taking in the diabolo spinners, the jugglers and trapeze artists I come to the conclusion that this date might actually be fun. I'm not sure that he knows about the grand gestures and horrendous date I had with Ade, maybe he knows that I'm feeling fragile and running on empty, but maybe he doesn't.
Either way, he seems like easy company.
And that's a great first step...
Chapter Sixty Six
Chapter Sixty Eight
Canned laughter.
Forced hilarity.
It's all bullshit.
And that's what this date is going to be.
The last thing I want to be doing tonight is going out with a comedian. The 'funny guy'. Like salt in the wound his cheesy grin and slapstick crap is just going to make me feel worse. In the shadow of the Ade fiasco this is painful.
Jonny Kowlowski? Never heard of him. He's an 'up-and-coming' comedian. Whatever that means. And so I'm standing, trying to take deep breaths of the stinging, cold night air as I brace myself outside Circus Space.
OK.
I'm going in.
I spot him immediately. The wiry guy standing by the crash mats, hands on hips as he guffaws whilst dropping 3 juggling balls.
Idiot.
Doesn't say much for his sense of humour if THAT makes him laugh.
And why are comedians NEVER good-looking? Name me one! Is it a kind of warped chicken-and-egg syndrome? Are they funny because they've HAD to be? Or does their ugliness simply add to their funniness?
Funniness? Is that a word....
I don't want to go over there and I'm relieved to notice Ross and Darren, fumbling about with their video equipment near the back wall. Thankful for something resembling a half-friendly face, I walk across to them, nearly getting my head chopped off by a passing trapeze artist swinging particularly low.
"Careful!" she shouts at me as she tarzans her way across the room.
I mumble under my breath at her. I sound like Muttley from the cartoons.
I'm wondering who the curly-haired guy is with Ross and Darren. Probably an assistant or something, or maybe our contact at Circus Space. He has that friendly look to him. You know, the kind of look that makes you know you'll feel comfortable with him. His dark curls resemble the guy who won Andrew Lloyd Webber's Joseph competition and he looks casual and relaxed in his rugby polo shirt and jeans. They look up at me as I get closer.
"Sophie!" he smiles a dazzling wide smile and reaches out his hand to shake mine.
"Hi." I can't help but smile back but when Ross and Darren both stand to greet me I have to admit that I'm cringing as I wonder whether they know what a shit Ade was after the last date.
"OK?" I announce bravely, "what we doing then? I've seen him already. Over there making a complete fool of himself. I hope you're not expecting me to continually laugh at his crap jokes, cos I'm really not in the mood."
Darren smiles a strange smile at me, "No. We're not expecting that. Not at all. Em, what are YOU expecting Sophie?"
I shrug, a stroppy teenager refusing to make eye contact, "Well by the way he's carrying on over there I doubt he's going to be a laugh a minute is he? But don't they say that's always the way with comedians? They try so hard to be funny all the time that they're actually boring as hell?"
The assistant placed his arm around my shoulders as he leaned toward me and whispered in my ear, his curls tickling my cheek, "I promise I won't try to be a laugh a minute. Although I can't guarantee that you'll find it hilarious watching me try the static trapeze and tight-rope walk."
Frowning, I turn to face him. "Sorry?"
"I didn't get the chance," his voice was deep but soft as he extended his hand once again, "Jonny Kowlowski. 'Up-and-coming' comedian who doesn't continually tell crap jokes or make a complete fool of himself. At least, not all of the time."
I feel myself blush. Furiously.
"Oh."
"Yeah," he smiled, "oh. No problem. But I have to say, I'm rather disappointed that you thought I'd look like HIM over there!"
Maybe this won't be the disaster that I'd expected. Jonny seems relaxed and at ease with himself and as I watch him taking in the diabolo spinners, the jugglers and trapeze artists I come to the conclusion that this date might actually be fun. I'm not sure that he knows about the grand gestures and horrendous date I had with Ade, maybe he knows that I'm feeling fragile and running on empty, but maybe he doesn't.
Either way, he seems like easy company.
And that's a great first step...
Chapter Sixty Six
Chapter Sixty Eight
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Chapter Sixty Six - Roll Up, Roll Up!
In theory, this should be easy. After all, I've spent my life keeping spinning plates, juggling my social life and balancing my work life.
So here we go - a few deep breaths and I'm going in.
Circus Space?
Bring it on!
Chapter Sixty Five
Chapter Sixty Seven
So here we go - a few deep breaths and I'm going in.
Circus Space?
Bring it on!
Chapter Sixty Five
Chapter Sixty Seven
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I'm Back....
Phew, that was a long break.
Severely traumatised and extremely nervous, it's taken me this long to get my head together.
And I apologise.
But I'm back...
It's gonna be fun catching up again....
Sophie.xxx
Severely traumatised and extremely nervous, it's taken me this long to get my head together.
And I apologise.
But I'm back...
It's gonna be fun catching up again....
Sophie.xxx
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Chapter Sixty Five - Juggling Act & Spinning Plates
The afternoon I’ve just had at work has been the hardest ever! I feel completely rejected and downtrodden. I can’t eat, I can’t drink, I can’t smile or even answer the phone properly. I have absolutely NO conversation and even AJ’s smirking isn’t grating on me like it usually does. I know that Delaney had sussed that something was wrong. It was blatantly obvious anyway, but I think she guessed that I’d spent the night with Ade. She even looked at me sympathetically a few times, but that steely glint still left me in no doubt that I have to see this next date through. I’m so emotionally fragile and keep crying, which is made worse by Delaney’s sales pitch. She called me into her office and starting hyping me up in preparation for the next dilemma tomorrow! As if I didn’t have enough of a dilemma to contend with at the moment. The brief is this - I have a date with up and coming comedian Jonny Kowlowski, and guess where we’re going? To The Circus Space, near Old Street tube station! Fuck, how could this be worse? I feel as shit as I do - broken and busted up, sick at myself for giving myself to Ade so easily and making a complete fool of myself and believing that he liked ‘me’ and, and and......
And now.
I have to pretend that it’s laughs all the way.
I have to learn to juggle and ride a unicycle and walk a fucking trapeze.
With a comedian.
Shit.
*
One hot bath and 2 glasses of wine haven’t helped me to relax or feel remotely better about things. I hate Ade for doing this to me, but hate myself too for falling for it all. HOW could it have been just insincere words to him? How? I feel shattered and am having serious trouble remembering that he’d said he was looking for something ‘different’, as my brain continues to recount his words as looking for something ‘better’! I’d NEVER have got into that situation with him if it hadn’t all been reinforced by the foundations of a relationship. It had taken a big leap for me to feel comfortable enough to get naked with him - and now look! I knew he was a player but didn’t dream that he was playing ME! What was behind all that about making it up to me? Why the helicopter and stuff? Did it mean that much to him to prove a point? Or was it because he couldn’t handle the fact that I really liked him too much? I was being a hundred percent genuine.
And he was simply taking the piss.
*
Tam’s cab pulled up outside her house and she was warmed to see the lights on inside. Rob had said he’d call in and turn on the heating but she wasn’t expecting him to still be there.
“Fantastic!“ she squeezed her rucksack in excitement, “he is SO the best brother in the entire world dot com. I can’t wait to tell him how gorgeous the log cabin was.“
The sounds of Tam shuffling in through the front door and dragging her luggage behind her broke Rob’s concentration. He’d been lured by her computer and, despite being glued to www.sophiedilemma.com, he wished he’d never turned it on. He knew she had her second date tomorrow and wondered how things could possibly get worse? He’d watched her slow dancing with Adrian Ford and saw the helicopter landing and her hesitating. And then he’d felt sick as he watched her catch Adrian’s hand and get into the chopper with him as they’d been filmed taking off and flying off into the London night sky. He was having trouble watching this and knew now that he could never compete with a connected guy like Adrian. He thought Sophie had been somebody that he could rely on and thought he knew her - how wrong he was. He hated the whole cosy notion of Christmas too and was having problems walking past the florist shop down the road, loaded with sprigs of mistletoe and Christmas bouquets. He’d had such high hopes for their first Christmas together and was gutted that he’d had to give the log cabin treat to his sister. And here she was - with a huge smile on her face as she stood ready to tell him all about it. He took a deep breath before fixing a smile on his face and spinning around on the chair to face her.
“Hey Tam,” he breezed, “how was Scotland?”
“Oh Rob, you really SHOULD have been there. It even snowed! It was SO romantic....”
*
OK, so tonight is my next date and I feel even more crap today than I did yesterday. I hardly slept at all last night and have called in sick today. Delaney had been shocked when I‘d told her,
“I‘m sorry, but if you want me to go on this date tonight, then I can‘t come in today. I have to get my head together. I‘m sorry.”
Her silence had shocked me. I‘d never known her lost for words. And so I‘d continued, in a calmer tone,
“I need to sort a few, em, ‘things‘. In my head. And I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I need some time. To prepare. Ha ha, and to, em, dust off my red nose and leotard maybe?”
Her voice was unexpectedly calm and balanced,
“Sophie. Take the day. You need some time to recover from Tuesdays, er, ‘date‘. I know. I understand. Go for it. Maybe get some sleep and perhaps a couple of hours in the beauty salon might help you to relax? A nice massage and facial maybe? We need you at The Circus Space for 6pm. OK? Ross and Darren will be there too. See you then.”
Which was really nice of her.
I tried to take her advice and climbed back into the soft warmness of my bed, willing myself to catch up on some more sleep. After all, when I’m sleeping then I can’t torment myself with the same old questions that I have no answers for. My eyes are clamped closed and yet a faceless voice relentlessly asks me the same tirade of questions:
How can a guy go from talking about all the things he wants to do with me, all the places he wants to take me, to the sending a text message saying that he’s looking for something ‘different’? I mean what was it about me? That spot on my arse cheek? My slightly jibbly tum? Was i too unparticipative in bed? No! I wasn’t, I know I wasn’t!
How dare he say he’s looking for something different! And there I was, ready to be so understanding at his lack of technique and ultra skinny willy!! I was even prepared to put up with his small dick and crap sexual techniques! I was all up for working on the small stuff over the following weeks, but now I’ve been ceremoniously dumped AND am plagued with the horror that I might be BIG ‘down there’!
I am having to accept that I will never be able to fathom what changed from that long night together in Ade’s arms and how we were together that following morning - to how things shifted that afternoon and that sudden, bizarre rejection.
All I want is a friend.
All I want is Rob.
To hold me and hug me.
To tell me that everything will be OK.
And that Adrian is a TOTAL arsehole - just as he’d always told me.
But there is no Rob.
There is nobody.....
No shoulder to cry on.
No Rob.
No.
Rob.
Chapter Sixty Four
Chapter Sixty Six
And now.
I have to pretend that it’s laughs all the way.
I have to learn to juggle and ride a unicycle and walk a fucking trapeze.
With a comedian.
Shit.
*
One hot bath and 2 glasses of wine haven’t helped me to relax or feel remotely better about things. I hate Ade for doing this to me, but hate myself too for falling for it all. HOW could it have been just insincere words to him? How? I feel shattered and am having serious trouble remembering that he’d said he was looking for something ‘different’, as my brain continues to recount his words as looking for something ‘better’! I’d NEVER have got into that situation with him if it hadn’t all been reinforced by the foundations of a relationship. It had taken a big leap for me to feel comfortable enough to get naked with him - and now look! I knew he was a player but didn’t dream that he was playing ME! What was behind all that about making it up to me? Why the helicopter and stuff? Did it mean that much to him to prove a point? Or was it because he couldn’t handle the fact that I really liked him too much? I was being a hundred percent genuine.
And he was simply taking the piss.
*
Tam’s cab pulled up outside her house and she was warmed to see the lights on inside. Rob had said he’d call in and turn on the heating but she wasn’t expecting him to still be there.
“Fantastic!“ she squeezed her rucksack in excitement, “he is SO the best brother in the entire world dot com. I can’t wait to tell him how gorgeous the log cabin was.“
The sounds of Tam shuffling in through the front door and dragging her luggage behind her broke Rob’s concentration. He’d been lured by her computer and, despite being glued to www.sophiedilemma.com, he wished he’d never turned it on. He knew she had her second date tomorrow and wondered how things could possibly get worse? He’d watched her slow dancing with Adrian Ford and saw the helicopter landing and her hesitating. And then he’d felt sick as he watched her catch Adrian’s hand and get into the chopper with him as they’d been filmed taking off and flying off into the London night sky. He was having trouble watching this and knew now that he could never compete with a connected guy like Adrian. He thought Sophie had been somebody that he could rely on and thought he knew her - how wrong he was. He hated the whole cosy notion of Christmas too and was having problems walking past the florist shop down the road, loaded with sprigs of mistletoe and Christmas bouquets. He’d had such high hopes for their first Christmas together and was gutted that he’d had to give the log cabin treat to his sister. And here she was - with a huge smile on her face as she stood ready to tell him all about it. He took a deep breath before fixing a smile on his face and spinning around on the chair to face her.
“Hey Tam,” he breezed, “how was Scotland?”
“Oh Rob, you really SHOULD have been there. It even snowed! It was SO romantic....”
*
OK, so tonight is my next date and I feel even more crap today than I did yesterday. I hardly slept at all last night and have called in sick today. Delaney had been shocked when I‘d told her,
“I‘m sorry, but if you want me to go on this date tonight, then I can‘t come in today. I have to get my head together. I‘m sorry.”
Her silence had shocked me. I‘d never known her lost for words. And so I‘d continued, in a calmer tone,
“I need to sort a few, em, ‘things‘. In my head. And I am finding it difficult to concentrate. I need some time. To prepare. Ha ha, and to, em, dust off my red nose and leotard maybe?”
Her voice was unexpectedly calm and balanced,
“Sophie. Take the day. You need some time to recover from Tuesdays, er, ‘date‘. I know. I understand. Go for it. Maybe get some sleep and perhaps a couple of hours in the beauty salon might help you to relax? A nice massage and facial maybe? We need you at The Circus Space for 6pm. OK? Ross and Darren will be there too. See you then.”
Which was really nice of her.
I tried to take her advice and climbed back into the soft warmness of my bed, willing myself to catch up on some more sleep. After all, when I’m sleeping then I can’t torment myself with the same old questions that I have no answers for. My eyes are clamped closed and yet a faceless voice relentlessly asks me the same tirade of questions:
How can a guy go from talking about all the things he wants to do with me, all the places he wants to take me, to the sending a text message saying that he’s looking for something ‘different’? I mean what was it about me? That spot on my arse cheek? My slightly jibbly tum? Was i too unparticipative in bed? No! I wasn’t, I know I wasn’t!
How dare he say he’s looking for something different! And there I was, ready to be so understanding at his lack of technique and ultra skinny willy!! I was even prepared to put up with his small dick and crap sexual techniques! I was all up for working on the small stuff over the following weeks, but now I’ve been ceremoniously dumped AND am plagued with the horror that I might be BIG ‘down there’!
I am having to accept that I will never be able to fathom what changed from that long night together in Ade’s arms and how we were together that following morning - to how things shifted that afternoon and that sudden, bizarre rejection.
All I want is a friend.
All I want is Rob.
To hold me and hug me.
To tell me that everything will be OK.
And that Adrian is a TOTAL arsehole - just as he’d always told me.
But there is no Rob.
There is nobody.....
No shoulder to cry on.
No Rob.
No.
Rob.
Chapter Sixty Four
Chapter Sixty Six
Monday, July 30, 2007
Chapter Sixty Four - Unclear Fallout
We wake again at about 9am, still snuggled in the spoons position, his hands cupping my boobs. We’re so cosy, our contours fitting perfectly, that I don’t want to move but I feel his breathing change and know that he’s awake too. I don’t want the magic to end but the day has begun and the mood has already slightly shifted.
“You gotta go work today?“
“Ugh, yeah!“ I reply to his question and realise that everybody will know that I spent the night with Ade. My customary lateness never exceeds 15 minutes, so walking in after 10 ‘o’clock will be like wearing a sandwich board, emblazoned with ‘YEAH! I DID IT!“. Embarrassing.
I ask Ade the same question and he tells me that he has to be at work too.
Great - now BOTH of our offices will know that we spent the night together.
If only they knew that it was hardly the shag-fest that they’re probably imagining.
In reality, as much as I like him, sexually - it was hardly worth it. We’ll get it right though; given a little time.
Ade yawns,
“Jesus, I’m knackered,” he pulls me tight to him again in a bear hug and his chest hair feels prickly against my back, “I wish we could stay here all day.”
“Hmmm,” I murmur, “me too. But we’re late enough as it is. It’s going to be a tough day and I’m going to need to stop at Starbucks for a massive strong coffee to keep myself awake until lunchtime.”
He groans and lets me go, pulling the sheets over his head as I walk towards the bathroom.
*
Today at work was tough, as I’d expected. After showering and calling in at home for a swift change of clothes, it felt strange arriving at the office together - us both going our separate ways at the lifts. It made me feel a bit awkward in front of Ellie, who gave us both a smirk in that I-miss-nothing way that only receptionists can. I’d hardly taken off my jacket before Delaney whisked me into her office to show me the video footage that was filmed at the rink last night - was it ONLY last night! - and I’m relieved to find that I don’t look overly fat/clumsy/idiotic/needy/ridiculous. They’ve already loaded it to the www.sophiedilemma.com site but have cut off the action at the point of me stressing over whether to go with Ade or not. It’s going to be interesting to see what the public think I should have done.
If only they knew that I’d already gone off in the helicopter with Ade AND had spent the night with him in The Dorchester.
I wonder how many of them will tell me to go with him?
I’m glad to be home and feel sick with tiredness. I’ve been desperate to text or call Ade all day. Maybe a cheeky text to ask whether he’s as tired as I am or a secret email checking that he hasn’t fallen asleep at his desk. I restrained myself rather well and now, as I dig into my bowl of pasta and Dolmio sauce my stomach leaps with the buzz of my mobile.
It’s a text.
From Ade.
Hey u! Been half
asleep all day.
Early nite 2nite.
How r u? x
I reply immediately,
Me 2. Going
bed soon. How
was work? x
I manage to fork in another 3 mouthfuls between replies. He comes back with,
Work was shite. Going
bed now. 2 sleep this time ;) x
Warmed by his mentioning that we were up all night, I reply,
Yes. We were a bit
naughty weren’t we?
Nice tho wasn’t it... x
And there’s no reply. I finish my bowl of pasta and continue to check my phone as I go to the bedroom and strip off. As I climb between the chilly sheets I wish I’d pulled my cosy pyjamas from the ironing pile but am too distracted by the silence screaming from my mobile! Scrolling through the menus I find that it’s over half an hour since I sent my last message. Either he’s fallen asleep or he’s ignoring me. I can’t help myself as I key in,
Oi! No reply? x
I feel a little sick at his lack of response but sleep soon overwhelms me and I’m gone. A deep warm sleep that’s way overdue....
*
Rob sits in Tamsin’s lounge flicking through her TV channels. She’s only been away a few days and yet the house has a chill to it already. She’s due to return from her log cabin break tonight and he’d promised to call in with some milk and to turn on the heating for her. He hates waiting and is tormented by her computer, sitting, staring at him from it’s corner. He knew that Sophie’s dilemmas had started this week and as much as he hates the idea of WATCHING her on a date with another guy he can’t hold himself back. Almost robotically he finds himself walking toward the computer and pressing the ‘ON’ button. He was going to have to watch and see what happened.
*
I wake before my alarm clock and for a fleeting few seconds I feel a contentment; a serenity that comes with those first moments of the day between sleep and awake. And then a ball of doubt bounces in my stomach as I recall my text message to Ade that was left hanging last night. Grappling for my phone beside my bed I flip it open to check for a reply. Still nothing.
Damn.
And I have to go into work today and talk to Delaney about the second date. WHICH, by the way, is tomorrow night. I’ve hardly had the chance to get over date 1 before I’m going out on date 2. But then again, it didn’t mention anywhere in the small print that I was supposed to jump into bed with one of the guys and REALLY complicate the issue!
I manage to wait until lunchtime before I text Ade. I can’t help myself and know that I probably shouldn’t, but I’m eaten up by his silence and tormented that he thinks I’m an easy ride - given how I was seduced by him into sex, albeit that I feel that this is going to be the beginning of a great relationship. I try to be chipper and send him,
Hey Ade. That was all
a bit bonkers last night.
How about we go out and
get to know each other properly. x
I feel a little sick when he replies,
Yep, could go out. But I don’t want
to waste ur time. x
and some alarm bells begin to ring somewhere in the far distance of my brain. I’m being a bit slow, probably due to slight lack of sleep and the trauma to my body of having sex for the first time in months and months, so I text him,
How wld u b wastin my
time? I don’t make a habit of
spending nite with guy I don’t like!
And then it hits me. I’ve made a massive mistake. My stomach lurches and every nerve ending in my body is wincing as I wait for his non existent response. There is none, so I follow up with,
Have I just read that wrong. Is
that a polite way of saying u
don’t want 2 take things further?
Best 2 b honest.
And then it comes. The drop-kick in the chest and I have to sit down to prevent my legs from folding beneath me. I read his words but they don’t register in my head. I suppose it’s disbelief...
Sorry 4 not being direct.
Not want 2 take further as
lookin 4 something different
I am truly devastated.
Gutted and broken.
My head is spinning as if there isn’t enough blood to circulate.
He....is....looking.....for.....something.....DIFFERENT!
Different to what?
Different? Or BETTER?
Younger? Older? Thinner? Fatter? Harder to get???
Shit.
My eyes are filling with tears and yet I’m not pulling that gurning face that I usually do when I cry. It’s as if my eyes are crying FOR me. A huge teardrop splashes down onto my mobile phone and slides from the screen, disappearing down between the keys.
I have to reply...
Wow. Now I feel crap.
Thanks 4 being honest.
Kick in the guts always teaches
a lesson eh? I’m gutted u did this.
Chapter Sixty Three
Chapter Sixty Five
“You gotta go work today?“
“Ugh, yeah!“ I reply to his question and realise that everybody will know that I spent the night with Ade. My customary lateness never exceeds 15 minutes, so walking in after 10 ‘o’clock will be like wearing a sandwich board, emblazoned with ‘YEAH! I DID IT!“. Embarrassing.
I ask Ade the same question and he tells me that he has to be at work too.
Great - now BOTH of our offices will know that we spent the night together.
If only they knew that it was hardly the shag-fest that they’re probably imagining.
In reality, as much as I like him, sexually - it was hardly worth it. We’ll get it right though; given a little time.
Ade yawns,
“Jesus, I’m knackered,” he pulls me tight to him again in a bear hug and his chest hair feels prickly against my back, “I wish we could stay here all day.”
“Hmmm,” I murmur, “me too. But we’re late enough as it is. It’s going to be a tough day and I’m going to need to stop at Starbucks for a massive strong coffee to keep myself awake until lunchtime.”
He groans and lets me go, pulling the sheets over his head as I walk towards the bathroom.
*
Today at work was tough, as I’d expected. After showering and calling in at home for a swift change of clothes, it felt strange arriving at the office together - us both going our separate ways at the lifts. It made me feel a bit awkward in front of Ellie, who gave us both a smirk in that I-miss-nothing way that only receptionists can. I’d hardly taken off my jacket before Delaney whisked me into her office to show me the video footage that was filmed at the rink last night - was it ONLY last night! - and I’m relieved to find that I don’t look overly fat/clumsy/idiotic/needy/ridiculous. They’ve already loaded it to the www.sophiedilemma.com site but have cut off the action at the point of me stressing over whether to go with Ade or not. It’s going to be interesting to see what the public think I should have done.
If only they knew that I’d already gone off in the helicopter with Ade AND had spent the night with him in The Dorchester.
I wonder how many of them will tell me to go with him?
I’m glad to be home and feel sick with tiredness. I’ve been desperate to text or call Ade all day. Maybe a cheeky text to ask whether he’s as tired as I am or a secret email checking that he hasn’t fallen asleep at his desk. I restrained myself rather well and now, as I dig into my bowl of pasta and Dolmio sauce my stomach leaps with the buzz of my mobile.
It’s a text.
From Ade.
Hey u! Been half
asleep all day.
Early nite 2nite.
How r u? x
I reply immediately,
Me 2. Going
bed soon. How
was work? x
I manage to fork in another 3 mouthfuls between replies. He comes back with,
Work was shite. Going
bed now. 2 sleep this time ;) x
Warmed by his mentioning that we were up all night, I reply,
Yes. We were a bit
naughty weren’t we?
Nice tho wasn’t it... x
And there’s no reply. I finish my bowl of pasta and continue to check my phone as I go to the bedroom and strip off. As I climb between the chilly sheets I wish I’d pulled my cosy pyjamas from the ironing pile but am too distracted by the silence screaming from my mobile! Scrolling through the menus I find that it’s over half an hour since I sent my last message. Either he’s fallen asleep or he’s ignoring me. I can’t help myself as I key in,
Oi! No reply? x
I feel a little sick at his lack of response but sleep soon overwhelms me and I’m gone. A deep warm sleep that’s way overdue....
*
Rob sits in Tamsin’s lounge flicking through her TV channels. She’s only been away a few days and yet the house has a chill to it already. She’s due to return from her log cabin break tonight and he’d promised to call in with some milk and to turn on the heating for her. He hates waiting and is tormented by her computer, sitting, staring at him from it’s corner. He knew that Sophie’s dilemmas had started this week and as much as he hates the idea of WATCHING her on a date with another guy he can’t hold himself back. Almost robotically he finds himself walking toward the computer and pressing the ‘ON’ button. He was going to have to watch and see what happened.
*
I wake before my alarm clock and for a fleeting few seconds I feel a contentment; a serenity that comes with those first moments of the day between sleep and awake. And then a ball of doubt bounces in my stomach as I recall my text message to Ade that was left hanging last night. Grappling for my phone beside my bed I flip it open to check for a reply. Still nothing.
Damn.
And I have to go into work today and talk to Delaney about the second date. WHICH, by the way, is tomorrow night. I’ve hardly had the chance to get over date 1 before I’m going out on date 2. But then again, it didn’t mention anywhere in the small print that I was supposed to jump into bed with one of the guys and REALLY complicate the issue!
I manage to wait until lunchtime before I text Ade. I can’t help myself and know that I probably shouldn’t, but I’m eaten up by his silence and tormented that he thinks I’m an easy ride - given how I was seduced by him into sex, albeit that I feel that this is going to be the beginning of a great relationship. I try to be chipper and send him,
Hey Ade. That was all
a bit bonkers last night.
How about we go out and
get to know each other properly. x
I feel a little sick when he replies,
Yep, could go out. But I don’t want
to waste ur time. x
and some alarm bells begin to ring somewhere in the far distance of my brain. I’m being a bit slow, probably due to slight lack of sleep and the trauma to my body of having sex for the first time in months and months, so I text him,
How wld u b wastin my
time? I don’t make a habit of
spending nite with guy I don’t like!
And then it hits me. I’ve made a massive mistake. My stomach lurches and every nerve ending in my body is wincing as I wait for his non existent response. There is none, so I follow up with,
Have I just read that wrong. Is
that a polite way of saying u
don’t want 2 take things further?
Best 2 b honest.
And then it comes. The drop-kick in the chest and I have to sit down to prevent my legs from folding beneath me. I read his words but they don’t register in my head. I suppose it’s disbelief...
Sorry 4 not being direct.
Not want 2 take further as
lookin 4 something different
I am truly devastated.
Gutted and broken.
My head is spinning as if there isn’t enough blood to circulate.
He....is....looking.....for.....something.....DIFFERENT!
Different to what?
Different? Or BETTER?
Younger? Older? Thinner? Fatter? Harder to get???
Shit.
My eyes are filling with tears and yet I’m not pulling that gurning face that I usually do when I cry. It’s as if my eyes are crying FOR me. A huge teardrop splashes down onto my mobile phone and slides from the screen, disappearing down between the keys.
I have to reply...
Wow. Now I feel crap.
Thanks 4 being honest.
Kick in the guts always teaches
a lesson eh? I’m gutted u did this.
Chapter Sixty Three
Chapter Sixty Five
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Chapter Sixty Three - First Time Nerves?
I wake up to find myself still in Ade’s arms and still fully clothed. The room is still and quiet, and as strange as it is, I subconsciously know it’s the early hours of the morning. I look up at his face as he sleeps. His muscles are relaxed and his mouth slightly open. He looks so vulnerable and I’m cherishing this intimate moment with him. I twist in his arms and check his watch - 2.48am. I was right. Early hours. My fidgeting has woken him and when I feel his hot breath at the back of my ear it shoots goosepimples straight across my chest.
“Hmmmm,“ he moans, “you feel lovely.“
It feels so natural with him. I know it’s a cliche, but I know this is right. I can’t help but remind myself that it would never have worked with Rob anyway - a relationship coming from a friendship would mean that we know each other on a different level; and then there will always be the Tamsin connection. It’s potentially too messy, whereas with Ade, we both have similar careers and understand the vagaries of working in the magazine industry. He’s quirky - my ideal man. Strong and opinionated, yet professional and in tune with his feminine side. We could be a fabulous couple - both journalists and both striving forward for a lucrative future. My thoughts are interrupted as he moves in to kiss me. His tongue is slightly jabbing again as he starts to part my lips with his. It’s a strange feeling - almost as if he’s in a hurry - but this could be a match made in heaven. The kissing just needs a little work. He groans a little as he kisses my neck and says,
“Sophie Regan. I so want to make love to you. And then I want to fuck you. And then I want to make love to you again.“
My tummy flips, causing a twinge between my legs and a fast pulse in the side of my neck. He gently but firmly pushes me onto my front and I turn my head to the side so as to not suffocate in the plump pillow.
“Are you OK? A little tense?”
I giggle.
“Come on,” his voice is a husky moan, “I’m going to give you a back rub.”
And with that he is pulling my top up to reveal my back and I fidget as it gets caught and tangled. As I raise myself a little he whips my top up and over my head and arms, leaving me laying there in my bra. His hands are firm on my back as he begins to make random sweeping movements across my shoulders.
“I’m going to open your bra strap. It’s in the way.”
And I feel the weight of him, sitting across my bum, as he fiddles with my bra strap. An absurd amount of time passes and I’m increasingly embarrassed for him as he fumbles for way too long.
“Ohhh,” he moans, and I can hear the humiliation in his voice, “I can’t open these things. Can I rip it?”
“No!” I shriek, “here, I’ll do it.” And I find myself reaching back and opening my own bra strap.
The back rub is a little clumsy and far from relaxing and so I am relieved and disappointed when he stops and rolls off of me, to lay beside me once again.
“OK, now you do me. Please?”
“OK.”
He makes no attempt to grope for my bare breasts or even to look at me, semi-naked on the bed with him.
Rolling onto his stomach he buries his face into the pillow and waits for me to return the back-rub favour.
“Dig your nails in,” he orders. “Really hard. Really dig them in and scratch me.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Yes you can. I love it.”
“But I don’t wanna HURT you!”
“It won’t. Just do it.”
And so, feeling rather ridiculous, wearing my jeans and nothing else, I straddle his back and begin to scratch him from shoulder blades to waist. The red track lines appear instantly and I’m not feeling great about this. I can only do this for a short while and before long I lay my nakedness down onto his back and hug him.
“I can’t do that any more. Your back is so red. I don’t like it.”
“OK,” he slightly grumbles and turns himself over beneath me, grabbing my hips and pulling me high over him so that my right boob is dangling near to his face.
He takes it in his mouth.
Once again I wait for the zinging pings of excitement to zip through me.
They don’t.
I look down at him, his eyes closed as he sucks and licks on my nipple.
It’s bordering on breastfeeding.
My face is ridiculously close to the headboard and I’m staring at it at close range.
Bored.
And I’m feeling zilch.
Freaky.
What IS wrong with me?
Thankfully he stops after a short while and rolls me down and onto my back so that he is now towering over me and smiling. He is so gorgeous and the fact that he is a little clumsy and awkward is strangely endearing - as if he’s not this ‘super-stud’ who lives up to his ‘Ade Gets Laid’ image. He comes down to kiss me again and I can feel ‘him’ hard and bulging as he pushes down on me.
“Sorry,” he whispers as he licks and sucks my neck, “I’m a little out of practice.”
“S’ok,” I murmur, “you’re lovely.”
And I mean it.
And his kisses on my neck and across my chest become more frantic and needy and I feel myself panting and wanting to hold him so close to me. He raises my legs up onto his shoulders and then I feel him unbuttoning my jeans and grasping them tightly by my belt. I squeak in a little protestation as he tugs them and in one movement pulls my jeans and g-string from my legs.
“My god Ade,” I whisper, “I’m completely naked now.”
“Yeah,” he grins, a wicked twinkle in his eye, “I know.”
“We can’t do this. It’s not right. Not so quick.”
“Course we can. You feel so good. I’m nuts about you.” And then he lowers himself down onto me again and kisses me, those tongue-jabby movements not improving.
I can feel his exposed flesh on the insides of my thigh and I feel a slight panic.
“Ade. No. We can’t do this. This isn’t right.“
And he hushes me with some more kisses and before I know it I can feel him inside of me!
It feels strange.
It’s been so long since I’ve been this close to a guy, but I know for a fact that I’ve never felt a dick so skinny!
I’m aware that I’m clenching my muscles ‘down there’ but it has little effect.
This is horrendous!
I look up at him, frowning and pumping and we hold the eye contact as he smiles at me and then lowers himself to kiss me once again.
But I’m just not feeling this moment.
It’s not worth it.
I didn’t really want it.
But isn’t the first time ALWAYS awkward?
And wasn’t it inevitable that I was going to be a little disappointed? After all, I’ve fancied him so much and for so long, wasn’t I destined to be disappointed? Be realistic, it’s never like it is in the movies, is it!
*
He gives up shortly after, probably realising that there was going to be no wave-crashing, earth-shattering resolution to this. So he lays beside me, his glorious tanned and hairy chest rising and falling rapidly as he begins to regulate his breathing.
I rest my head on his chest, slowly twirling my finger around his nipple, watching it pucker and tighten. His hands feel tender, stroking my hair lovingly and then he says,
“You got any toys?“
“Yeah,“ I grin to myself, “I have a little red car and a Barbie doll - but I don’t get to play with them much.“
He doesn’t laugh, but carries on with,
“I could use them on you. Bring them around next time we’re together and I’ll play with you with them.“
“Yeah,“ I smile to myself, contentedly, “I’ll do that.“
Then he pulls me up to face him, kisses me slowly and I fall asleep once again to the feeling of him gently stroking my face and hair....
*
We wake again and the mood in the room is different. I can hear the wood pigeons ‘coo coooo, coo coooo’ing’ outside and the sound of slightly increased traffic flow. I’ve turned in my sleep and have my back to him, my knees tucked up and almost in the foetal position. He wakes me with his hands on my bare bum, squeezing it and rubbing it sensually,
“Hmmmmm, this gives me an idea of what I could do to you later on.”
I straighten my legs and turn to face him,
“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”
He hugs me tight and closes his eyes, “No.”
“I have to.”
“No. You’re not going anywhere.”
I laugh and try to wriggle away, “Ade! I have to go.”
“Nope.”
“Ade?”
His eyes are clamped shut and he is hugging me so tightly that I can’t get away.
“Nope. You’re not going anywhere. I’m keeping you here with me forever.”
But I manage to tickle him into submission and make my bare-arsed exit for the bathroom.
I return to the bed to find that he’s ready for some more of me and am disappointed to find that his technique is no better the second time around.
He is sexually clumsy and rather immature, which shocks me, given his iconic Geezer magazine status. But I really like him and I’m looking forward to spending more time with him, doing all the things that he’s suggested - like going for meals to his favourite Chinese restaurant, chilling out at his place, playing with my sex toys and really getting to know each other. The sex stuff? We can work on that. His severe lack of fineries is something that I can educate him on.
Ade Ford, despite his lack of sexual prowess, could actually make me consider shelving the entire notion of staying single for another 14 weeks. I mean, if I’ve found what I’m looking for - if I have a man that is ticking (virtually) all the boxes, then why jeopardise that for the sake of a stupid magazine column?
Chapter Sixty Two
Chapter Sixty Four
“Hmmmm,“ he moans, “you feel lovely.“
It feels so natural with him. I know it’s a cliche, but I know this is right. I can’t help but remind myself that it would never have worked with Rob anyway - a relationship coming from a friendship would mean that we know each other on a different level; and then there will always be the Tamsin connection. It’s potentially too messy, whereas with Ade, we both have similar careers and understand the vagaries of working in the magazine industry. He’s quirky - my ideal man. Strong and opinionated, yet professional and in tune with his feminine side. We could be a fabulous couple - both journalists and both striving forward for a lucrative future. My thoughts are interrupted as he moves in to kiss me. His tongue is slightly jabbing again as he starts to part my lips with his. It’s a strange feeling - almost as if he’s in a hurry - but this could be a match made in heaven. The kissing just needs a little work. He groans a little as he kisses my neck and says,
“Sophie Regan. I so want to make love to you. And then I want to fuck you. And then I want to make love to you again.“
My tummy flips, causing a twinge between my legs and a fast pulse in the side of my neck. He gently but firmly pushes me onto my front and I turn my head to the side so as to not suffocate in the plump pillow.
“Are you OK? A little tense?”
I giggle.
“Come on,” his voice is a husky moan, “I’m going to give you a back rub.”
And with that he is pulling my top up to reveal my back and I fidget as it gets caught and tangled. As I raise myself a little he whips my top up and over my head and arms, leaving me laying there in my bra. His hands are firm on my back as he begins to make random sweeping movements across my shoulders.
“I’m going to open your bra strap. It’s in the way.”
And I feel the weight of him, sitting across my bum, as he fiddles with my bra strap. An absurd amount of time passes and I’m increasingly embarrassed for him as he fumbles for way too long.
“Ohhh,” he moans, and I can hear the humiliation in his voice, “I can’t open these things. Can I rip it?”
“No!” I shriek, “here, I’ll do it.” And I find myself reaching back and opening my own bra strap.
The back rub is a little clumsy and far from relaxing and so I am relieved and disappointed when he stops and rolls off of me, to lay beside me once again.
“OK, now you do me. Please?”
“OK.”
He makes no attempt to grope for my bare breasts or even to look at me, semi-naked on the bed with him.
Rolling onto his stomach he buries his face into the pillow and waits for me to return the back-rub favour.
“Dig your nails in,” he orders. “Really hard. Really dig them in and scratch me.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Yes you can. I love it.”
“But I don’t wanna HURT you!”
“It won’t. Just do it.”
And so, feeling rather ridiculous, wearing my jeans and nothing else, I straddle his back and begin to scratch him from shoulder blades to waist. The red track lines appear instantly and I’m not feeling great about this. I can only do this for a short while and before long I lay my nakedness down onto his back and hug him.
“I can’t do that any more. Your back is so red. I don’t like it.”
“OK,” he slightly grumbles and turns himself over beneath me, grabbing my hips and pulling me high over him so that my right boob is dangling near to his face.
He takes it in his mouth.
Once again I wait for the zinging pings of excitement to zip through me.
They don’t.
I look down at him, his eyes closed as he sucks and licks on my nipple.
It’s bordering on breastfeeding.
My face is ridiculously close to the headboard and I’m staring at it at close range.
Bored.
And I’m feeling zilch.
Freaky.
What IS wrong with me?
Thankfully he stops after a short while and rolls me down and onto my back so that he is now towering over me and smiling. He is so gorgeous and the fact that he is a little clumsy and awkward is strangely endearing - as if he’s not this ‘super-stud’ who lives up to his ‘Ade Gets Laid’ image. He comes down to kiss me again and I can feel ‘him’ hard and bulging as he pushes down on me.
“Sorry,” he whispers as he licks and sucks my neck, “I’m a little out of practice.”
“S’ok,” I murmur, “you’re lovely.”
And I mean it.
And his kisses on my neck and across my chest become more frantic and needy and I feel myself panting and wanting to hold him so close to me. He raises my legs up onto his shoulders and then I feel him unbuttoning my jeans and grasping them tightly by my belt. I squeak in a little protestation as he tugs them and in one movement pulls my jeans and g-string from my legs.
“My god Ade,” I whisper, “I’m completely naked now.”
“Yeah,” he grins, a wicked twinkle in his eye, “I know.”
“We can’t do this. It’s not right. Not so quick.”
“Course we can. You feel so good. I’m nuts about you.” And then he lowers himself down onto me again and kisses me, those tongue-jabby movements not improving.
I can feel his exposed flesh on the insides of my thigh and I feel a slight panic.
“Ade. No. We can’t do this. This isn’t right.“
And he hushes me with some more kisses and before I know it I can feel him inside of me!
It feels strange.
It’s been so long since I’ve been this close to a guy, but I know for a fact that I’ve never felt a dick so skinny!
I’m aware that I’m clenching my muscles ‘down there’ but it has little effect.
This is horrendous!
I look up at him, frowning and pumping and we hold the eye contact as he smiles at me and then lowers himself to kiss me once again.
But I’m just not feeling this moment.
It’s not worth it.
I didn’t really want it.
But isn’t the first time ALWAYS awkward?
And wasn’t it inevitable that I was going to be a little disappointed? After all, I’ve fancied him so much and for so long, wasn’t I destined to be disappointed? Be realistic, it’s never like it is in the movies, is it!
*
He gives up shortly after, probably realising that there was going to be no wave-crashing, earth-shattering resolution to this. So he lays beside me, his glorious tanned and hairy chest rising and falling rapidly as he begins to regulate his breathing.
I rest my head on his chest, slowly twirling my finger around his nipple, watching it pucker and tighten. His hands feel tender, stroking my hair lovingly and then he says,
“You got any toys?“
“Yeah,“ I grin to myself, “I have a little red car and a Barbie doll - but I don’t get to play with them much.“
He doesn’t laugh, but carries on with,
“I could use them on you. Bring them around next time we’re together and I’ll play with you with them.“
“Yeah,“ I smile to myself, contentedly, “I’ll do that.“
Then he pulls me up to face him, kisses me slowly and I fall asleep once again to the feeling of him gently stroking my face and hair....
*
We wake again and the mood in the room is different. I can hear the wood pigeons ‘coo coooo, coo coooo’ing’ outside and the sound of slightly increased traffic flow. I’ve turned in my sleep and have my back to him, my knees tucked up and almost in the foetal position. He wakes me with his hands on my bare bum, squeezing it and rubbing it sensually,
“Hmmmmm, this gives me an idea of what I could do to you later on.”
I straighten my legs and turn to face him,
“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”
He hugs me tight and closes his eyes, “No.”
“I have to.”
“No. You’re not going anywhere.”
I laugh and try to wriggle away, “Ade! I have to go.”
“Nope.”
“Ade?”
His eyes are clamped shut and he is hugging me so tightly that I can’t get away.
“Nope. You’re not going anywhere. I’m keeping you here with me forever.”
But I manage to tickle him into submission and make my bare-arsed exit for the bathroom.
I return to the bed to find that he’s ready for some more of me and am disappointed to find that his technique is no better the second time around.
He is sexually clumsy and rather immature, which shocks me, given his iconic Geezer magazine status. But I really like him and I’m looking forward to spending more time with him, doing all the things that he’s suggested - like going for meals to his favourite Chinese restaurant, chilling out at his place, playing with my sex toys and really getting to know each other. The sex stuff? We can work on that. His severe lack of fineries is something that I can educate him on.
Ade Ford, despite his lack of sexual prowess, could actually make me consider shelving the entire notion of staying single for another 14 weeks. I mean, if I’ve found what I’m looking for - if I have a man that is ticking (virtually) all the boxes, then why jeopardise that for the sake of a stupid magazine column?
Chapter Sixty Two
Chapter Sixty Four
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Chapter Sixty Two - Contended Bliss
OK, OK! I had to make a decision and based on the speedy and overwhelming responses I’ve had to my ‘dilemma’ I decided to go for it! The shooting zips of excitement that were whizzing up my arms as Ade held my hand made it difficult to think straight. And I’m still not entirely sure that I am - thinking straight. I felt like something out of a James Bond film as I watched the helicopter start the propellers and Ade was gently tugging at my hand to go with him. Delaney’s smile was huge and Ross and Darren looked ecstatic at the live ’action’. Delaney showed a soft side and gave me a hug as she whispered in my ear, “this is so much more than we’d hoped for on the ‘dilemma’ front! Sophie, it was intended as a simple ‘should she see him again or not’? As a ‘would YOU go out with this guy again‘ question. But good luck to you. Enjoy this!”
I felt sick with nerves and felt slightly pressurised by Delaney’s excitement, coupled with the camera presence. So feeling rather ridiculous but also very excited and nervous I ducked down and ran to the helicopter with Adrian.
I felt even more sick minutes later when the helicopter took off and we swooped away from the rink, leaving behind The Temperate House lit up in multicolour and the heavy thudding sounds chopping in my head. Ade put his arm around my hips and pulled me close to his side. This was SO romantic that if I wasn’t hugging on to his arm so tightly I’d have had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. As we sped across the night sky I giggled at his lame jokes about enjoying his huge chopper - they were slightly crude and clumsy and made me feel a little unsure about him - just fleetingly. And then he kissed my cheek lightly and began to melt me with his words.
“You know, Sophie, we won’t ALWAYS travel like this. We‘ll have to pull in favours like this only on extra special occasions.”
And I looked into his warm eyes and we’d sniggered at the pretence of it all. And then he’d told me about a fabulous Chinese restaurant that he’d been to only last week and couldn’t WAIT to take me to. Looking down over the festive lights of London below I felt a glow that warmed my entire body from deep within me and buzzing gently outwards to my skin. I’ve never been so crazy about a guy who has made me feel as if we both want to build an exciting future together.
“It‘ll be a great Christmas this year,” he added. I didn‘t have the heart to mention that I’m going to be in L.A for the festivities - the timing just seemed wrong, so I let him continue, “You can come over to my place and spend some time just chilling. We can stay in bed all day and I can hold you. I have some fab new CD’s that you’re gonna love. And I just HAVE to take you to that Chinese restaurant!”
Then he’d hugged me and turned my face to his and kissed me until the electric shocks shot through my lips and straight into my head. The realisation that I haven’t felt as cosy and close as this for a long time suddenly hit me and almost made me cry. I‘ve missed this. And before I knew it he was stroking my hair from my face and kissing me again. It felt slightly clumsy though - his kissing. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the moment as I waited for his kisses to make my stomach flip. But they didn’t. And I wondered whether I was a little out of practice. It must have been that. Because I am completely mad about this guy. And I can really see us carving a future together. I found myself not quite knowing what to say - as if I was watching myself from the outside – how I look and act and what I was saying. And yet it was never like this with Rob. I have always been 100% ME with him. But then again, my ‘relationship’ with Rob was one that grew from friendship. And this, with Ade, is what is meant to be.
Minutes later we were lowering down onto a helipad at the London Heliport at Battersea and I noticed the sleek black Mercedes waiting. Ade was the perfect gentleman, taking my hand and helping me hop out of the helicopter before leading me to the Merc, ready to be whisked off to the Dorchester.
*
This is gorgeous! I’m totally blown away, although a bit nervous about all of this. It’s all so, well, over the top! We walk into this opulent room, both a little flustered after the highs (literally) of the journey and the adrenalin of the skating. It’s all been so heady and exhilarating and after the blustery exit from the helicopter and the chopping in-flight noise, the quietness of this room is buzzing in my ears. I don’t really know what to do with myself. The bed seems like a huge white elephant in the middle of the room and I don’t want it to be the focus! As much as I really fancy Ade I don’t want this just to be about sex. He has made me feel that he’s as keen as I am about working toward a loving relationship - he obviously can envisage a future with me, given what he was saying in the helicopter so it’s inevitable that we’re going to sleep together. But it has to be more than just that. Feeling a little awkward I go into the bathroom, the shine off the gold taps dazzling me - and I hear his voice as he speaks on the phone. I twirl my hair up into a high knot and twist my g-string around it tightly to hold it in place before nipping into the luxury power shower for a quick wash. It’s not so great having to put on my ice skating clothes afterwards, but there’s no way I’m going back in there naked! I return into the room to find that he’s had brandy and nibbles sent to the room.
“I was going to book us a room in the restaurant babe, but I’m a bit knackered. How do you feel about it?“
“No,“ I smile at him and flop down onto the sumptuous bed, “I’m way tired. This looks great. And I’m not hungry, anyway. Let’s just relax here, that’s fine with me.“
Ade flicks through the television stations, not even pausing at the porn (which slightly impressed me, I have to say!) and stopped it at the ‘100 Love Songs’ channel.
I feel the tension of the last few weeks begin to drain from my body, as if the plush bedding beneath me is sucking it away from me and soaking it up. I drink my brandy in 4 mouthfuls and begin to tingle. Within minutes I’m snuggled into Ade’s arms. It’s all just so right. His arms feel so natural and comfortable around me, his mouth feels as if it was made to fit mine and it’s as if we’ve known each other for years. His kissing is a little rushed, but that makes me feel kind of nice - as if he can’t wait to devour me. But he’ll have to. He doesn’t attempt to remove my clothing, nor touch any parts of my body other than my face and arms as he hugs me tightly, contentedly.
“This is lovely, isn’t it?“ He murmurs in my ear, his voice low and husky. “People weren’t made to be alone. This is really nice...“
And I grin and agree with a light “mmm,“ before slipping into a cosy and happy sleep.
Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Three
I felt sick with nerves and felt slightly pressurised by Delaney’s excitement, coupled with the camera presence. So feeling rather ridiculous but also very excited and nervous I ducked down and ran to the helicopter with Adrian.
I felt even more sick minutes later when the helicopter took off and we swooped away from the rink, leaving behind The Temperate House lit up in multicolour and the heavy thudding sounds chopping in my head. Ade put his arm around my hips and pulled me close to his side. This was SO romantic that if I wasn’t hugging on to his arm so tightly I’d have had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. As we sped across the night sky I giggled at his lame jokes about enjoying his huge chopper - they were slightly crude and clumsy and made me feel a little unsure about him - just fleetingly. And then he kissed my cheek lightly and began to melt me with his words.
“You know, Sophie, we won’t ALWAYS travel like this. We‘ll have to pull in favours like this only on extra special occasions.”
And I looked into his warm eyes and we’d sniggered at the pretence of it all. And then he’d told me about a fabulous Chinese restaurant that he’d been to only last week and couldn’t WAIT to take me to. Looking down over the festive lights of London below I felt a glow that warmed my entire body from deep within me and buzzing gently outwards to my skin. I’ve never been so crazy about a guy who has made me feel as if we both want to build an exciting future together.
“It‘ll be a great Christmas this year,” he added. I didn‘t have the heart to mention that I’m going to be in L.A for the festivities - the timing just seemed wrong, so I let him continue, “You can come over to my place and spend some time just chilling. We can stay in bed all day and I can hold you. I have some fab new CD’s that you’re gonna love. And I just HAVE to take you to that Chinese restaurant!”
Then he’d hugged me and turned my face to his and kissed me until the electric shocks shot through my lips and straight into my head. The realisation that I haven’t felt as cosy and close as this for a long time suddenly hit me and almost made me cry. I‘ve missed this. And before I knew it he was stroking my hair from my face and kissing me again. It felt slightly clumsy though - his kissing. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the moment as I waited for his kisses to make my stomach flip. But they didn’t. And I wondered whether I was a little out of practice. It must have been that. Because I am completely mad about this guy. And I can really see us carving a future together. I found myself not quite knowing what to say - as if I was watching myself from the outside – how I look and act and what I was saying. And yet it was never like this with Rob. I have always been 100% ME with him. But then again, my ‘relationship’ with Rob was one that grew from friendship. And this, with Ade, is what is meant to be.
Minutes later we were lowering down onto a helipad at the London Heliport at Battersea and I noticed the sleek black Mercedes waiting. Ade was the perfect gentleman, taking my hand and helping me hop out of the helicopter before leading me to the Merc, ready to be whisked off to the Dorchester.
*
This is gorgeous! I’m totally blown away, although a bit nervous about all of this. It’s all so, well, over the top! We walk into this opulent room, both a little flustered after the highs (literally) of the journey and the adrenalin of the skating. It’s all been so heady and exhilarating and after the blustery exit from the helicopter and the chopping in-flight noise, the quietness of this room is buzzing in my ears. I don’t really know what to do with myself. The bed seems like a huge white elephant in the middle of the room and I don’t want it to be the focus! As much as I really fancy Ade I don’t want this just to be about sex. He has made me feel that he’s as keen as I am about working toward a loving relationship - he obviously can envisage a future with me, given what he was saying in the helicopter so it’s inevitable that we’re going to sleep together. But it has to be more than just that. Feeling a little awkward I go into the bathroom, the shine off the gold taps dazzling me - and I hear his voice as he speaks on the phone. I twirl my hair up into a high knot and twist my g-string around it tightly to hold it in place before nipping into the luxury power shower for a quick wash. It’s not so great having to put on my ice skating clothes afterwards, but there’s no way I’m going back in there naked! I return into the room to find that he’s had brandy and nibbles sent to the room.
“I was going to book us a room in the restaurant babe, but I’m a bit knackered. How do you feel about it?“
“No,“ I smile at him and flop down onto the sumptuous bed, “I’m way tired. This looks great. And I’m not hungry, anyway. Let’s just relax here, that’s fine with me.“
Ade flicks through the television stations, not even pausing at the porn (which slightly impressed me, I have to say!) and stopped it at the ‘100 Love Songs’ channel.
I feel the tension of the last few weeks begin to drain from my body, as if the plush bedding beneath me is sucking it away from me and soaking it up. I drink my brandy in 4 mouthfuls and begin to tingle. Within minutes I’m snuggled into Ade’s arms. It’s all just so right. His arms feel so natural and comfortable around me, his mouth feels as if it was made to fit mine and it’s as if we’ve known each other for years. His kissing is a little rushed, but that makes me feel kind of nice - as if he can’t wait to devour me. But he’ll have to. He doesn’t attempt to remove my clothing, nor touch any parts of my body other than my face and arms as he hugs me tightly, contentedly.
“This is lovely, isn’t it?“ He murmurs in my ear, his voice low and husky. “People weren’t made to be alone. This is really nice...“
And I grin and agree with a light “mmm,“ before slipping into a cosy and happy sleep.
Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Three
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sophie Dilemma #1
OK - firstly I must apologise for the wait.
Ross and Darren took ages editing this video and now they have it ready for you all to see.
The issue is - WHAT DO I DO NEXT?
Do I go with Ade in his helicopter? Or should I refuse, on the grounds that he hurt me so badly before??
Talk about a dilemma!
I think Delaney had only agreed to this whole 'Sophie Dilemma' idea on the basis that you were all going to help me decide whether to see the guy again? Not whether I should be whisked away for a night of romance in a private helicopter!!!
Anyway, I'm having a few problems loading it to www.sophiedilemma.com, so for now, and without further ado, please look at this short film, and then PLEASE help me decide what happens next??
Comments welcome - PLEASE!
Sophie..xxx
Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Two
Ross and Darren took ages editing this video and now they have it ready for you all to see.
The issue is - WHAT DO I DO NEXT?
Do I go with Ade in his helicopter? Or should I refuse, on the grounds that he hurt me so badly before??
Talk about a dilemma!
I think Delaney had only agreed to this whole 'Sophie Dilemma' idea on the basis that you were all going to help me decide whether to see the guy again? Not whether I should be whisked away for a night of romance in a private helicopter!!!
Anyway, I'm having a few problems loading it to www.sophiedilemma.com, so for now, and without further ado, please look at this short film, and then PLEASE help me decide what happens next??
Comments welcome - PLEASE!
Sophie..xxx
Chapter Sixty One
Chapter Sixty Two
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Chapter Sixty One - Joining The Kew!
That was such good fun! My cheeks are glowing and my nose is freezing and I’m buzzing. Every time Ade catches my hand the tingle shoots straight up my arm and hits me somewhere between the eyes. There’s a physicality between us, a chemistry that feels so natural and as if we’ve been together forever. Still on camera, we’re making our way across to Café Ice, my feet feeling awkward in my boots now, after the ice skates. I’m so excited and it all feels SO Christmassy! The Temperate House looks positively glowing, the glass building lit up with multicolour fairy lights and I realise that I‘m in the middle of a Lowry painting - the crowds looking like matchstick people, their arms and legs jutting as they stumble on the ice.
Café Ice has a glorious festive smell to it, a mixture of spiced mulled wine and fruit and chocolate. We find a cosy table and Ade order us both a luxury Galaxy hot chocolate topped with cream. It’s really tough to drink through the cream and I know that I look flirty as I dip my finger into the cream and then suck it. Just sitting and talking to Ade makes me feel sexual and as if every nerve ending in my body is on red alert. His presence debilitates me to the point where I feel I’m losing my personality and I feel an overwhelming lust for him, which kind of freaks me out! This ISN’T how it was supposed to be!
And then, just as I’m completely lost in my Galaxy hot choc and my naughty thoughts, he leans across the table and says something that blows me away.
“This ‘dilemma’ idea?”
I nod, wide-eyed as he continues,
“Well, the ‘dilemma’ is whether you should go out with me a second time, right?”
“Yep, reckon so,” I’m sucking more cream off my fingers as I answer him.
“Well,” his smile is stunning, “I’m just about to up my game then.”
I smile at him. “How?”
“I have something to ask you.”
And he leans across the table and takes my hand. My heart sprints into double speed as it bangs rapidly in my chest. I feel my cheeks flush as the camera moves in ultra close at our table side.
And then he says it...
“I’m ashamed at how I treated you earlier in the year. I was flimsy and now want the chance to show you how you SHOULD be treated by a man. A real man. Let me BE that man.”
And as my brain rushes to unscramble what he’s trying to say, he indicates across to the rink-side with a nod.
“Come with me,” he says, just as a small helicopter lowers itself, polka dotted with the reflection of the red and green Christmas lights of Kew Gardens at night.
I try not to choke on my drink as the camera pans around to watch it land, and then comes straight back to my befuzzled facial expression....
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty Two
Café Ice has a glorious festive smell to it, a mixture of spiced mulled wine and fruit and chocolate. We find a cosy table and Ade order us both a luxury Galaxy hot chocolate topped with cream. It’s really tough to drink through the cream and I know that I look flirty as I dip my finger into the cream and then suck it. Just sitting and talking to Ade makes me feel sexual and as if every nerve ending in my body is on red alert. His presence debilitates me to the point where I feel I’m losing my personality and I feel an overwhelming lust for him, which kind of freaks me out! This ISN’T how it was supposed to be!
And then, just as I’m completely lost in my Galaxy hot choc and my naughty thoughts, he leans across the table and says something that blows me away.
“This ‘dilemma’ idea?”
I nod, wide-eyed as he continues,
“Well, the ‘dilemma’ is whether you should go out with me a second time, right?”
“Yep, reckon so,” I’m sucking more cream off my fingers as I answer him.
“Well,” his smile is stunning, “I’m just about to up my game then.”
I smile at him. “How?”
“I have something to ask you.”
And he leans across the table and takes my hand. My heart sprints into double speed as it bangs rapidly in my chest. I feel my cheeks flush as the camera moves in ultra close at our table side.
And then he says it...
“I’m ashamed at how I treated you earlier in the year. I was flimsy and now want the chance to show you how you SHOULD be treated by a man. A real man. Let me BE that man.”
And as my brain rushes to unscramble what he’s trying to say, he indicates across to the rink-side with a nod.
“Come with me,” he says, just as a small helicopter lowers itself, polka dotted with the reflection of the red and green Christmas lights of Kew Gardens at night.
I try not to choke on my drink as the camera pans around to watch it land, and then comes straight back to my befuzzled facial expression....
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty Two
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Chapter Sixty - Ice Ice Baby
OK, so the day has come. I’m ridiculously nervous about this first date. Even though I KNOW the guy and I know where we’re going I am a wreck. I actually feel SICK. I’ve rushed to the toilet 5 times already! I’ve spent the morning at work and Delaney has given me the afternoon off to calm myself down. She said I was no good ‘to man or beast’ - which I think she meant as a light hearted joke, but I actually took very seriously! She’s right! I’m not! I’m sitting on my bed and looking at the dress I bought from Monsoon for Mum’s wedding and am slightly repulsed by the small orangey flecks in it. If I’d only known I was going to be in keeping with the ‘theme’ then I’d never have bought it. But I’ve also realised that everybody at the wedding will be brown and tanned and I’ll be there with my pasty white arms and milk bottle legs. I need to book an intense St Tropez session and while I’m at it I might as well go the whole hog and have my hair cut and my legs and armpits waxed too. Yes, if I have to endure these next 2 weeks with 4 horrendous ‘live’ dates then I deserve a little pampering...
Now where are my matching gloves and scarf and woolly hat?
So NOT a good look for a date!
*
Ade felt slightly nervous about the impending ‘date’ but was quietly confident too. He’d decided to wear his jeans and his light blue Ben Sherman jumper - he knew it looked dead sexy, the way it stretched across his chest and shoulders. His Mum had joked that it looked like the coat hanger was still in it and he loved that notion. He looked good and knew it. He’d tried on a couple of beanie hats but had dragged them off almost immediately - there was something about them that made him feel like a Peter Andre wannabe. He knew from skating in the past that the exercise heats you up and he didn’t want to have the red-cheeked look after only half a hour. Patting his jeans pocket he checked that he had all the information that he needed and grabbed his car keys, slamming the front door behind him.
*
I always feel like somebody from a film when I’m in a black cab. There’s something cinematic about it, as I imagine myself being filmed, zipping through the London streets, the blue fibre optic Christmas lights shining down onto the black paintwork. I feel really sick. I’ve been listening to the saxophone version of ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ for the last 3 minutes and it’s making me feel a little poignant and sad. It’s like one of those romantic moments from a film as I’m on my way to a date with Ade - the guy that really messed me up earlier in the year. But strangely, now the empty pit in my stomach is for Rob. I’m finding it difficult to eat or to think straight simply because of the misdemeanour that he thinks I’m a cheating bitch. And I can’t even defend myself. It’s not fair.
“Kew Gardens, babe!”
The taxi driver breaks my downward spiral of self-doubt and hatred, jerking me into an aware state that we’re actually here.
“OK,” I reply, my voice shaky.
As I pull a tenner out of my purse I can’t help but be overwhelmed at how fabulous the rink looks. Lots of people, many of them in red - how predictable, rhythmically moving in an anti-clockwise direction. It looks like fun! If only I wasn’t also looking at Ross and Darren standing with the 2 cameras and the few crew members. Reality check that this is work and NOT play. As soon as I’m out of the taxi Ross is over,
“Hey, Sophie. You look great! Any word from Adrian? He hasn’t arrived yet.
“No,” I reply, but can’t figure why they think I’d hear from him.
“OK,” he gently holds my arms and leads me across to the camera, “we gotta get you mic’d up and talk through the workings. Wanna wait til Ade arrives?”
“No, let’s do it now. I can listen again when he gets here. I’m so nervous I probably won’t remember it anyway.”
“Right, we’re gonna just film a short amount of footage of you 2 guys skating around. You any good?”
I shake my head. He laughs.
“OK, so we’re gonna grab some scenes of you both skating, or trying to, and gonna ask you to come over here and talk a little in front of the cameras too. But the main part of the dilemma has to be when you’re having your hot chocolate drinks afterwards. What we want is for the audience to watch how you both interact together and whether they think you should see him again. So just be yourself. Viewers know when they’re being hoodwinked, so just be completely natural and let them see the REAL Sophie and how she acts when she’s on a date.”
“Right.” I feel weak. Bloody Delaney. This was all her idea!
I’m watching the families and couples, work mates and children spinning on the ice beneath the stars and beside the glow of a huge Christmas tree and I hate to admit that it does warm my heart. That heart of mine that sits in shards in my chest every time I think of Rob and how I’ve messed it all up. I wish I was here with him. The atmosphere is exciting and edgy and I’m loving watching my breath escape from my mouth in icy clouds. I’m slightly impressed when Ade pulls up in a rather slick black car - I don’t have a clue what make it is, but it’s swish-looking. He looks gorgeous when he gets out of the car and in that split second all of the lusty feelings I once had for him rush in. It’s as if all of the bad stuff between us hasn’t happened, and as if all the good bits between Rob and I hadn’t too.
*
He’s bloody fantastic at skating - the bastard! I bet he was delighted when Delaney agreed to the open air rink being the first of my 4 dates. He certainly knew what he was doing. The very nature of ice skating means that conversation doesn’t flow particularly easy, which is actually more of a bonus than a pain. I throw my head back and laugh when Ade gets me a zimmer frame type of thing to lean on so that I can learn and ‘find my feet’. There’s no way I’m pushing that contraption around the ice. It’s only minutes later than I’ve completely forgotten about the cameras and when he grabs my hand and drags me alongside him at top speed, I feel my hair flying behind me and I’m aware that I’m screaming! I bet the film crew are loving this! He grabs my hips and spins me a little, not too fast, and I’m mortified to realise that I probably look at lot like Bambi - only less attractive and with chunkier legs. But it’s all great fun and I’m alarmingly aware that my skin tingles everytime he touches me. It’s a scary realisation, but a very true one.
I’ve still got the hots for Ade.
Big time.
He’s so wrong for me, a liar and a cheat and completely lacks integrity.
But I fancy the fucking pants off him....
Chapter Fifty Nine
Chapter Sixty One
Now where are my matching gloves and scarf and woolly hat?
So NOT a good look for a date!
*
Ade felt slightly nervous about the impending ‘date’ but was quietly confident too. He’d decided to wear his jeans and his light blue Ben Sherman jumper - he knew it looked dead sexy, the way it stretched across his chest and shoulders. His Mum had joked that it looked like the coat hanger was still in it and he loved that notion. He looked good and knew it. He’d tried on a couple of beanie hats but had dragged them off almost immediately - there was something about them that made him feel like a Peter Andre wannabe. He knew from skating in the past that the exercise heats you up and he didn’t want to have the red-cheeked look after only half a hour. Patting his jeans pocket he checked that he had all the information that he needed and grabbed his car keys, slamming the front door behind him.
*
I always feel like somebody from a film when I’m in a black cab. There’s something cinematic about it, as I imagine myself being filmed, zipping through the London streets, the blue fibre optic Christmas lights shining down onto the black paintwork. I feel really sick. I’ve been listening to the saxophone version of ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ for the last 3 minutes and it’s making me feel a little poignant and sad. It’s like one of those romantic moments from a film as I’m on my way to a date with Ade - the guy that really messed me up earlier in the year. But strangely, now the empty pit in my stomach is for Rob. I’m finding it difficult to eat or to think straight simply because of the misdemeanour that he thinks I’m a cheating bitch. And I can’t even defend myself. It’s not fair.
“Kew Gardens, babe!”
The taxi driver breaks my downward spiral of self-doubt and hatred, jerking me into an aware state that we’re actually here.
“OK,” I reply, my voice shaky.
As I pull a tenner out of my purse I can’t help but be overwhelmed at how fabulous the rink looks. Lots of people, many of them in red - how predictable, rhythmically moving in an anti-clockwise direction. It looks like fun! If only I wasn’t also looking at Ross and Darren standing with the 2 cameras and the few crew members. Reality check that this is work and NOT play. As soon as I’m out of the taxi Ross is over,
“Hey, Sophie. You look great! Any word from Adrian? He hasn’t arrived yet.
“No,” I reply, but can’t figure why they think I’d hear from him.
“OK,” he gently holds my arms and leads me across to the camera, “we gotta get you mic’d up and talk through the workings. Wanna wait til Ade arrives?”
“No, let’s do it now. I can listen again when he gets here. I’m so nervous I probably won’t remember it anyway.”
“Right, we’re gonna just film a short amount of footage of you 2 guys skating around. You any good?”
I shake my head. He laughs.
“OK, so we’re gonna grab some scenes of you both skating, or trying to, and gonna ask you to come over here and talk a little in front of the cameras too. But the main part of the dilemma has to be when you’re having your hot chocolate drinks afterwards. What we want is for the audience to watch how you both interact together and whether they think you should see him again. So just be yourself. Viewers know when they’re being hoodwinked, so just be completely natural and let them see the REAL Sophie and how she acts when she’s on a date.”
“Right.” I feel weak. Bloody Delaney. This was all her idea!
I’m watching the families and couples, work mates and children spinning on the ice beneath the stars and beside the glow of a huge Christmas tree and I hate to admit that it does warm my heart. That heart of mine that sits in shards in my chest every time I think of Rob and how I’ve messed it all up. I wish I was here with him. The atmosphere is exciting and edgy and I’m loving watching my breath escape from my mouth in icy clouds. I’m slightly impressed when Ade pulls up in a rather slick black car - I don’t have a clue what make it is, but it’s swish-looking. He looks gorgeous when he gets out of the car and in that split second all of the lusty feelings I once had for him rush in. It’s as if all of the bad stuff between us hasn’t happened, and as if all the good bits between Rob and I hadn’t too.
*
He’s bloody fantastic at skating - the bastard! I bet he was delighted when Delaney agreed to the open air rink being the first of my 4 dates. He certainly knew what he was doing. The very nature of ice skating means that conversation doesn’t flow particularly easy, which is actually more of a bonus than a pain. I throw my head back and laugh when Ade gets me a zimmer frame type of thing to lean on so that I can learn and ‘find my feet’. There’s no way I’m pushing that contraption around the ice. It’s only minutes later than I’ve completely forgotten about the cameras and when he grabs my hand and drags me alongside him at top speed, I feel my hair flying behind me and I’m aware that I’m screaming! I bet the film crew are loving this! He grabs my hips and spins me a little, not too fast, and I’m mortified to realise that I probably look at lot like Bambi - only less attractive and with chunkier legs. But it’s all great fun and I’m alarmingly aware that my skin tingles everytime he touches me. It’s a scary realisation, but a very true one.
I’ve still got the hots for Ade.
Big time.
He’s so wrong for me, a liar and a cheat and completely lacks integrity.
But I fancy the fucking pants off him....
Chapter Fifty Nine
Chapter Sixty One
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Chapter Fifty Nine - The Man From Del Monte He Say "*&@!*!!"
It’s ludicrous - the way my Mother and sister go on. Honestly, you’d think they were a couple of teenagers - what with their shrieking and giggling about the stupidest things. I’ve been listening to Jennifer for the last 35 minutes from my bedroom. I’ve been trying to reorganise the room in a bid to create a calm space. It looked a whole lot better as soon as I moved the weeks discarded clothes from the floor and into the washing bin. As much as I’ve been determined NOT to ear-wig on their conversation, it’s impossible. Jen is raucous and from the one-sided chat that I’ve been listening to I already know about Mum’s ‘new best friend’ Bobbi Jo and how she’s now going overboard on the orange theme. It reminds me of a weekend I had in Amsterdam where everything was orange, but that’s another story. Jennifer’s been laughing about the orange-iced wedding cake, the orange juice fountain and the orange fairy lights. It stands to reason really though, that if my mother wanted to go for a hideous orange theme, she wasn’t equipped to do it in a STYLISH way. And then I hear Jennifer stop laughing and make a feeble attempt at lowering her voice,
“Noo, she’s still the same. Yeah. No. Not at all. Yep, another 3 months to go I think. Ridiculous, I agree. I CAN’T sort her, Mam. Chalk and cheese, darling. Yes. Of course. Well I think I’ll probably head back home after your wedding. No. Nothing really to go back for. Yeah, I have loved it here. London’s fab. And the sunbed shop job HAS been fun. Oh, Mam, how mad! I’ve just realised I’m working for a place that TURNS people orange and you’re having an orange weddiiinnngg!!!“
When I emerge from my bedroom an hour later Jen is still on the phone, although I can tell by her husky drawl that she’s not talking to our mother. She stiffens up a little when she realises I’m in the room, shuffling herself into an upright position on the sofa, and I’m SURE I see her move her hand from beneath her skirt! Yuk! How sick? She whispers a low,
“OK baby. Yeah baby. Bye bye Big Boy,“ into the phone before disconnecting it and trying to avoid eye contact with me. Probably that awful guy she met at the sunbed shop.
“So,” I ask with a forced air of nonchalance, “how was Mum?”
“Oh,” she flicked her hair and pretended to watch the muted television, “you know. Excited, hyperactive, a hundred miles an hour. The usual.”
“So it really IS going to be orange.”
“Yep,” she nodded, “it really is. And the hen party was orange and the caterers are cooking orange-themed or flavoured foods, the marquee furnishings are going to be orange. You name it, it’s orange.”
“Great,” I hiss, “our mother’s marrying the man from fucking Del Monte!”
“Ha, yeah,” Jen laughs, “bloody shame he said ‘yes’!”
And we both curl up and laugh.
Together.
For the first time in years.
*
Ben Scott was on his fifth Jack Daniels and had a massive hard on. He was reclined on his sheepskin rug dressed in La Perla lace knickers, suspenders with silk stockings and 3 inch high black patent stilettos. They looked ridiculous, cutting into the flesh on his thighs - his black leg hair thick and squashed beneath the stockings; his bony, knobbly ankles leading down to the size 9 shoes. A glow from his laptop was the only light in the room which gave a soft-tone blue tinge to his naked flesh. Looking out at his balcony doors he could see the night lights of London sparkling in the icy night air. His breath was short and fast and he could feel his pulse beating in his neck and chest. The feel of the tight knickers really turned him on but the sexy messages that were hitting his ‘inbox‘ were certainly upping the pace. He‘d hooked up with his new cohort months ago, when Sophie Regan had become London‘s new ‘favourite‘ and launched her stupid project. Little had he known then what a sexy bitch this new ‘buddy’ was and how her evil streak was her sexiest feature. As he waited for her to reply to his MSN instant message he continued checking his friends-friends-friends. He adored Facebook and since hearing how all the media types were on there and the potential for networking he hadn‘t hesitated in loading his entire portfolio of publicity photos and give it his best shot. At his age he couldn’t afford to miss the opportunity to comb through everyone else’s ‘friends’ and the networking opportunities were endless. It bothered him that Sophie might reveal his ‘secret’ and it if wasn’t for this new woman and her wickedly sexy ideas then he’d surely be finished on television. He’d seen it all too many times; the nations ’darling’ pulled through the shit, their career in tatters and beyond repair. Take his good friend Michael Barrymore - what an horrendous time he’d had and then there’d been Jade Goody for her rants on Big Brother. It had left them both in tatters and it was all so unfair and unjust. He couldn’t risk the same for him, which was why Sophie had to be silenced and if that meant framing her as a fraud, then that‘s what he‘d have to do.
His television contract had only been renewed for another year and he knew that he was in constant danger of being cast in the shadows by the new influx of presenters filtering up from the children’s TV channels and onto the mainstream, Saturday night shows. Then there were the ex-radio jocks moving into the daytime chat-show arena. He’d felt sick when he’d been told that Charlotte Church had been given her own chat show. He felt truly saddened that the old pro’s - the Michael Parkinsons, the Jay Leno’s, the Terry Wogan’s were being spurned for a gobby cow with NO experience. But ultimately he was terrified that Sophie had the potential to spill the beans on his fetish for women’s clothing. He’d felt ill when she had first found him wearing the cotton sundress as she’d walked into his flat without knocking. That had been nearly 2 years ago now but he remembered it like yesterday. She’d been shocked but they’d talked it through and she SEEMED to understand! It had taken her a couple of weeks to tell him that she respected his pleasures, but that she couldn’t continue to see him in a sexually attractive way. She’d even hugged him and said that they’d remain friends! And he had believed her! The sex between them had always been explosive and she was an extremely uninhibited filly in the bedroom. He’d always thought it such a shame that she constantly nagged him about his communicative skills and that she found his penchant for Agent Provocateur a turn off. The fact remained though, that she was the ONLY person in the media world that knew about his secret and since her catapult into public eye with the Staying Single story he wasn’t so sure that he could trust her. He clicked to open the MSN menu to check whether his sexiest closest confidante was online.
Angela Johnson was.
Excellent.
If it wasn’t for her, he’d have NO idea that Sophie was planning to humiliate him on national television . It was just as well he had something on her to sling back. And, thanks to AJ, he was now going to be her 4th, and final, Sophie Dilemma date – which was to be filmed live. This would give him the perfect opportunity to embarrass Sophie live and online. That should lay to rest any wicked ideas she might have about mentioning the odd suspender belt or lycra mini skirt that he had tucked away in his secret drawer at home….
Chapter Fifty Eight
Chapter Sixty
“Noo, she’s still the same. Yeah. No. Not at all. Yep, another 3 months to go I think. Ridiculous, I agree. I CAN’T sort her, Mam. Chalk and cheese, darling. Yes. Of course. Well I think I’ll probably head back home after your wedding. No. Nothing really to go back for. Yeah, I have loved it here. London’s fab. And the sunbed shop job HAS been fun. Oh, Mam, how mad! I’ve just realised I’m working for a place that TURNS people orange and you’re having an orange weddiiinnngg!!!“
When I emerge from my bedroom an hour later Jen is still on the phone, although I can tell by her husky drawl that she’s not talking to our mother. She stiffens up a little when she realises I’m in the room, shuffling herself into an upright position on the sofa, and I’m SURE I see her move her hand from beneath her skirt! Yuk! How sick? She whispers a low,
“OK baby. Yeah baby. Bye bye Big Boy,“ into the phone before disconnecting it and trying to avoid eye contact with me. Probably that awful guy she met at the sunbed shop.
“So,” I ask with a forced air of nonchalance, “how was Mum?”
“Oh,” she flicked her hair and pretended to watch the muted television, “you know. Excited, hyperactive, a hundred miles an hour. The usual.”
“So it really IS going to be orange.”
“Yep,” she nodded, “it really is. And the hen party was orange and the caterers are cooking orange-themed or flavoured foods, the marquee furnishings are going to be orange. You name it, it’s orange.”
“Great,” I hiss, “our mother’s marrying the man from fucking Del Monte!”
“Ha, yeah,” Jen laughs, “bloody shame he said ‘yes’!”
And we both curl up and laugh.
Together.
For the first time in years.
*
Ben Scott was on his fifth Jack Daniels and had a massive hard on. He was reclined on his sheepskin rug dressed in La Perla lace knickers, suspenders with silk stockings and 3 inch high black patent stilettos. They looked ridiculous, cutting into the flesh on his thighs - his black leg hair thick and squashed beneath the stockings; his bony, knobbly ankles leading down to the size 9 shoes. A glow from his laptop was the only light in the room which gave a soft-tone blue tinge to his naked flesh. Looking out at his balcony doors he could see the night lights of London sparkling in the icy night air. His breath was short and fast and he could feel his pulse beating in his neck and chest. The feel of the tight knickers really turned him on but the sexy messages that were hitting his ‘inbox‘ were certainly upping the pace. He‘d hooked up with his new cohort months ago, when Sophie Regan had become London‘s new ‘favourite‘ and launched her stupid project. Little had he known then what a sexy bitch this new ‘buddy’ was and how her evil streak was her sexiest feature. As he waited for her to reply to his MSN instant message he continued checking his friends-friends-friends. He adored Facebook and since hearing how all the media types were on there and the potential for networking he hadn‘t hesitated in loading his entire portfolio of publicity photos and give it his best shot. At his age he couldn’t afford to miss the opportunity to comb through everyone else’s ‘friends’ and the networking opportunities were endless. It bothered him that Sophie might reveal his ‘secret’ and it if wasn’t for this new woman and her wickedly sexy ideas then he’d surely be finished on television. He’d seen it all too many times; the nations ’darling’ pulled through the shit, their career in tatters and beyond repair. Take his good friend Michael Barrymore - what an horrendous time he’d had and then there’d been Jade Goody for her rants on Big Brother. It had left them both in tatters and it was all so unfair and unjust. He couldn’t risk the same for him, which was why Sophie had to be silenced and if that meant framing her as a fraud, then that‘s what he‘d have to do.
His television contract had only been renewed for another year and he knew that he was in constant danger of being cast in the shadows by the new influx of presenters filtering up from the children’s TV channels and onto the mainstream, Saturday night shows. Then there were the ex-radio jocks moving into the daytime chat-show arena. He’d felt sick when he’d been told that Charlotte Church had been given her own chat show. He felt truly saddened that the old pro’s - the Michael Parkinsons, the Jay Leno’s, the Terry Wogan’s were being spurned for a gobby cow with NO experience. But ultimately he was terrified that Sophie had the potential to spill the beans on his fetish for women’s clothing. He’d felt ill when she had first found him wearing the cotton sundress as she’d walked into his flat without knocking. That had been nearly 2 years ago now but he remembered it like yesterday. She’d been shocked but they’d talked it through and she SEEMED to understand! It had taken her a couple of weeks to tell him that she respected his pleasures, but that she couldn’t continue to see him in a sexually attractive way. She’d even hugged him and said that they’d remain friends! And he had believed her! The sex between them had always been explosive and she was an extremely uninhibited filly in the bedroom. He’d always thought it such a shame that she constantly nagged him about his communicative skills and that she found his penchant for Agent Provocateur a turn off. The fact remained though, that she was the ONLY person in the media world that knew about his secret and since her catapult into public eye with the Staying Single story he wasn’t so sure that he could trust her. He clicked to open the MSN menu to check whether his sexiest closest confidante was online.
Angela Johnson was.
Excellent.
If it wasn’t for her, he’d have NO idea that Sophie was planning to humiliate him on national television . It was just as well he had something on her to sling back. And, thanks to AJ, he was now going to be her 4th, and final, Sophie Dilemma date – which was to be filmed live. This would give him the perfect opportunity to embarrass Sophie live and online. That should lay to rest any wicked ideas she might have about mentioning the odd suspender belt or lycra mini skirt that he had tucked away in his secret drawer at home….
Chapter Fifty Eight
Chapter Sixty
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Chapter Fifty Eight - Agendas & Suspenders
Rob was feeling shit and angry. He hated to admit it, but he’d been naive in thinking that Sophie was genuine. If she’d been THAT genuine then why was she trying to stay single? She looked great and had a sparkling personality and had really wormed her way under his skin over the last few months. He wasn’t short of female admirers - he was a fit, good looking guy and saw lots of women that he liked the look of, a few that he’d meet in the pub that he’d chat with and would instigate an interest, but not enough to get involved with. The truth was, Rob hadn’t had a relationship for a couple of years. He’d been so busy building up his business and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to commit 100% because of that. He’d had his share of unfulfilling one-night stands and had always liked Sophie. In a way he could now see why she’d opted out of the dating game – he’d forgotten how painful it all was, how insecure it made him feel and how you could rush from high to severely low in a matter of seconds. It bothered him intensely that he’d begun to lose himself in Sophie’s kiss beneath that umbrella and how he’d been on the verge of telling her that he’d made the grand gesture of booking the log cabin. He’d worried that it might freak her out - that she’d think it was too much too quickly, but then he’d figured that they’d been good friends for a while now and that they’d manage it.
And then he sees her kissing Adrian Ford.
Getting angry once again he pondered over all the grey areas that he couldn't define - like how long she’d been seeing him?
Had it been since they’d first met?
And what about Tam and their friendship?
There was so much he wanted to say to her - to ask her and to tell too, but his stubbornness insisted on standing in his way with it’s arms folded.
Bah humbug - so much for the warmth of Christmas.
He dreaded the thoughts of yet another Christmas Eve out with the lads and getting drunk again.
He was SO ready for ‘something more’, if only she had been honest, and ready, for him....
*
Rob and Ade were at extremes. Whilst Rob felt alone and desperate, Ade was excited and on a high as he prepared for his ‘date’ with Sophie. It had been his idea to go to the outdoor ice rink at Kew Gardens - it was the perfect Christmas venue and it was impossible not to have some laughs. Without being witty, it was the ideal scenario for breaking the ice as it involved lots of touching and laughing as he imagined them wobbling about under the twinkling fairy lights. He used to be good at ice skating and had spent hours at the rink at Streatham in his teenage years, even being asked to join the under 16’s ice hockey team. He was confident that he had every capability of having lots of fun with Sophie and make her realise that they SHOULD be together. He’d been wishing that the rain would stay away as he wanted just one last chance to make her see how much he liked her. Determined to be fun and extremely hands-on, without being creepy, he’d prepared it all right down to the last detail. OK, those ’extras’ had cost him a small fortune, but he was certain that it would be worth it. He wanted this chance to put right all the wrongs – the Trev Malone wind up, the Geezer involvement in Sophie’s Staying Single quest, the many ways that he’d seemed flippant about the way he’d treated her. The first Sophie Dilemma date was his chance, possibly his last chance, to make a public display of how serious he was about a relationship with Sophie and he intended to pull out all of the stops.
*
Tam was pulling out all of the stops as she got stuck into the back of her wardrobe. She began to fear that if she delved any deeper she’d come across a giant lion and a half-man/half-goaty type thing, but it didn’t stop her. She was beginning to sort out some clothes for her long weekend in the log cabin and was chucking clothes onto her bed at a ferocious rate. Her frenzied excitement was escalating alarmingly, despite the slight niggle at not really knowing what clothes to pack. Would it be cold in Scotland? Would the log cabin be cold/double glazed/centrally heated? Looking back at the jumble of fabrics and colours made her realise how dowdy and scruffy she’d been lately. A pang of disgust punched her in the stomach as the true horror hit her. She’d let herself go, big time. No wonder Adrian had called it off with her. He’d have been a fool to stick around.
In the same way that Pete would have.
Been a fool.
She was stunned at the hoards of colourful and gorgeous clothes that she had here - clothes that she used to delight in wearing before she’d stolen Pete from his wife. Suddenly it all fell into place. She’d been flattered by Pete’s attention - it was strangely intensified by the knowledge that he was married - somehow made it MORE flattering that he liked her, despite having a wife at home. She couldn’t figure it out now, but it had struck a chord with her at the time. And so she’d gone from the wearing sexy, sassy clothes that had attracted him to her in the first place, to slipping into domestic doldrums of tracksuits and t-shirts.
There was time for this procrastination and that’s what she supposed Rob had been thinking, when he handed her the booking info for the Burnbank lodge. She needed to remember WHO she used to be. Sophie was a fantastic friend and knew her so well. She’d got it right when she’d said that to be happy with somebody you have to be happy with yourself first. Tamsin could see how she’d spent years going from man to man as if they were all the same person. Scooping up the mountain of clothes she dropped them clumsily into the tub chair in her bedroom. She was going to keep everything as simple as possible from now on. Pulling her favourite jeans from her wardrobe door she packed some of the chunky knitted jackets and her Timberland boots into her small holdall. She needed to spend some quality time with HERSELF and hoped that she’d have plenty of chances to enjoy walking through the Scottish forestry and beside the lake and remember WHO she was, and what she wanted to be. Rob had truly pulled an ace out of the hat with this one. It was the best Christmas present that she’d ever received.
Although she was more than a little curious as to why Rob had initially booked it for two people.
Perhaps he’d hoped to go with her and now couldn’t.
But she suspected that there was more to it than that.
But Rob? Have a girlfriend? He surely would have said something to her.
Then again, Tam realised, she’d been pretty much myopic lately when it came to her friends and family. And so 3 weeks before New Years Day Tamsin made her first new years resolution.
It was time to fall in love again.
But this time with herself.
*
In Los Angeles Sophie’s Mum was also preparing. Thrilled to be getting married in Orange County she’d just spent 10 minutes on the phone instructing the wedding planner to scrap the tasteful white and gold balloons and replace them with orange ones! Bobbie Jo had made her think of the ‘orange’ theme at her bachelorette party last week and she’d already asked for orange icing on the wedding cake and orange lights around the marquee. Snatching the phone up from the garden table she punched in Sophie’s number, secretly hoping that Jennifer would answer.
Sophie was a darling, but she was SO dry. Jennifer really was a girl after her own heart - knew how to party and how to really let her hair down.
*
Ben Scott loved Facebook. It was everything that MySpace was and more. The networking opportunites! The combing through media contacts ‘friends’ lists!
He was in heaven.
Apart from the stretched elastic strip that was beginning to cut into his bum cheek.
Chapter Fifty Seven
Chapter Fifty Nine
And then he sees her kissing Adrian Ford.
Getting angry once again he pondered over all the grey areas that he couldn't define - like how long she’d been seeing him?
Had it been since they’d first met?
And what about Tam and their friendship?
There was so much he wanted to say to her - to ask her and to tell too, but his stubbornness insisted on standing in his way with it’s arms folded.
Bah humbug - so much for the warmth of Christmas.
He dreaded the thoughts of yet another Christmas Eve out with the lads and getting drunk again.
He was SO ready for ‘something more’, if only she had been honest, and ready, for him....
*
Rob and Ade were at extremes. Whilst Rob felt alone and desperate, Ade was excited and on a high as he prepared for his ‘date’ with Sophie. It had been his idea to go to the outdoor ice rink at Kew Gardens - it was the perfect Christmas venue and it was impossible not to have some laughs. Without being witty, it was the ideal scenario for breaking the ice as it involved lots of touching and laughing as he imagined them wobbling about under the twinkling fairy lights. He used to be good at ice skating and had spent hours at the rink at Streatham in his teenage years, even being asked to join the under 16’s ice hockey team. He was confident that he had every capability of having lots of fun with Sophie and make her realise that they SHOULD be together. He’d been wishing that the rain would stay away as he wanted just one last chance to make her see how much he liked her. Determined to be fun and extremely hands-on, without being creepy, he’d prepared it all right down to the last detail. OK, those ’extras’ had cost him a small fortune, but he was certain that it would be worth it. He wanted this chance to put right all the wrongs – the Trev Malone wind up, the Geezer involvement in Sophie’s Staying Single quest, the many ways that he’d seemed flippant about the way he’d treated her. The first Sophie Dilemma date was his chance, possibly his last chance, to make a public display of how serious he was about a relationship with Sophie and he intended to pull out all of the stops.
*
Tam was pulling out all of the stops as she got stuck into the back of her wardrobe. She began to fear that if she delved any deeper she’d come across a giant lion and a half-man/half-goaty type thing, but it didn’t stop her. She was beginning to sort out some clothes for her long weekend in the log cabin and was chucking clothes onto her bed at a ferocious rate. Her frenzied excitement was escalating alarmingly, despite the slight niggle at not really knowing what clothes to pack. Would it be cold in Scotland? Would the log cabin be cold/double glazed/centrally heated? Looking back at the jumble of fabrics and colours made her realise how dowdy and scruffy she’d been lately. A pang of disgust punched her in the stomach as the true horror hit her. She’d let herself go, big time. No wonder Adrian had called it off with her. He’d have been a fool to stick around.
In the same way that Pete would have.
Been a fool.
She was stunned at the hoards of colourful and gorgeous clothes that she had here - clothes that she used to delight in wearing before she’d stolen Pete from his wife. Suddenly it all fell into place. She’d been flattered by Pete’s attention - it was strangely intensified by the knowledge that he was married - somehow made it MORE flattering that he liked her, despite having a wife at home. She couldn’t figure it out now, but it had struck a chord with her at the time. And so she’d gone from the wearing sexy, sassy clothes that had attracted him to her in the first place, to slipping into domestic doldrums of tracksuits and t-shirts.
There was time for this procrastination and that’s what she supposed Rob had been thinking, when he handed her the booking info for the Burnbank lodge. She needed to remember WHO she used to be. Sophie was a fantastic friend and knew her so well. She’d got it right when she’d said that to be happy with somebody you have to be happy with yourself first. Tamsin could see how she’d spent years going from man to man as if they were all the same person. Scooping up the mountain of clothes she dropped them clumsily into the tub chair in her bedroom. She was going to keep everything as simple as possible from now on. Pulling her favourite jeans from her wardrobe door she packed some of the chunky knitted jackets and her Timberland boots into her small holdall. She needed to spend some quality time with HERSELF and hoped that she’d have plenty of chances to enjoy walking through the Scottish forestry and beside the lake and remember WHO she was, and what she wanted to be. Rob had truly pulled an ace out of the hat with this one. It was the best Christmas present that she’d ever received.
Although she was more than a little curious as to why Rob had initially booked it for two people.
Perhaps he’d hoped to go with her and now couldn’t.
But she suspected that there was more to it than that.
But Rob? Have a girlfriend? He surely would have said something to her.
Then again, Tam realised, she’d been pretty much myopic lately when it came to her friends and family. And so 3 weeks before New Years Day Tamsin made her first new years resolution.
It was time to fall in love again.
But this time with herself.
*
In Los Angeles Sophie’s Mum was also preparing. Thrilled to be getting married in Orange County she’d just spent 10 minutes on the phone instructing the wedding planner to scrap the tasteful white and gold balloons and replace them with orange ones! Bobbie Jo had made her think of the ‘orange’ theme at her bachelorette party last week and she’d already asked for orange icing on the wedding cake and orange lights around the marquee. Snatching the phone up from the garden table she punched in Sophie’s number, secretly hoping that Jennifer would answer.
Sophie was a darling, but she was SO dry. Jennifer really was a girl after her own heart - knew how to party and how to really let her hair down.
*
Ben Scott loved Facebook. It was everything that MySpace was and more. The networking opportunites! The combing through media contacts ‘friends’ lists!
He was in heaven.
Apart from the stretched elastic strip that was beginning to cut into his bum cheek.
Chapter Fifty Seven
Chapter Fifty Nine
Chapter Fifty Seven - Seasons Bleetings!
Relationship Rehab – Mingle as a Single at XMAS....
Let me get one thing straight.
The stigma of being a singleton at Christmas is potentially bigger than being an ex-Big Brother contestant and trying to launch your own lingerie/perfume/autobiography. The ‘It’ll Be Lonely This Christmas’ ethos is potentially damaging to the ego and can be like watching a party that you’re not invited to, through a smoky window. It’s a bizarre race to be ‘ready’ for Christmas and if YOU isn’t TWO then it’s set to be a little lonely. Now don’t mistake me for a cynic - I’m not! I can get into the swing of it all along with the rest of the population - strangling their credit cards and depleting the notion of financial freedom for the next 10 months, all in the name of ‘goodwill‘. Forget the 80% of the world that are starving, if we don’t have a gold platter of mixed nuts that would make the fattest squirrel jealous, then we’re just NOT in the game! Everywhere you look there are schmaltzy tunes, pissed, puking office party-goers or chocolate box families.
But the bright side as a singleton? The absence of in-laws, no money arguments, the freedom to go Christmas shopping when YOU want and the budget to treat yourself to a pressie. If I’ve learned one thing over these last 9 months it’s that being SINGLE doesn’t mean being ALONE. And I won’t be. Despite turning a seasonal shade of green when my friend told me that she’d been treated to a long weekend in a romantic log cabin in Scotland, it got me thinking how I’d really LOVE to do that. Especially at Christmas. But we never get that snowy scene do we? More like grey skies and deep puddles. So this year I’m decamping to Los Angeles for a truly American-style Christmas. My mother is getting married on Christmas Eve and I’ve heard that LA in December is in the seventies - so roll on sunny skies!
So this will be the last Relationship Rehab until the new year, but before all that frivolity I have 4 dates, 4 guys and 4 dilemmas to face. With mere days until Date 1, I‘m a little nervous. I know it‘s at Kew Gardens Ice Skating Rink, followed by hot chocolate. I don‘t know yet what the other 3 dates will be - but I do know that I‘m going to need your help in deciding what to do! So watch this space - all will be revealed in the next couple of days. And in the meantime keep an eye at www.sophiedilemma.com - it'll all change when you're least expecting it
So for now, I‘ll sign off and let you help me with my dilemmas - and while I can‘t guarantee that you‘ll have snow at Christmas or that I‘ll have scorching sunshine, I CAN guarantee one thing...
I certainly won‘t be breaking a leg to catch that bridal bouquet!
Sophie.xx
Chapter Fifty Six
Chapter Fifty Eight
Monday, July 09, 2007
Chapter Fifty Six - The Ice Breaker?
I’ve just trudged home in the rain after a long, thin day. I feel like an overstretched elastic band, tight and ready to snap as I sidestepped the deluge of warped office parties - the women giggling in their ‘party’ office gear - which comprises usual office clothing but in velvet rather than cotton, accessorised with flashing xmas bauble earrings and felt antlers. They look ridiculous - but at least they’re laughing. Which is more than I’m doing. I feel so low that any sound of frivolity is bristling off of me like shards of glass. So imagine how hacked off I am to walk in through my front door and HEAR Jennifer before I see her. She’s on the phone, squeaking and squealing in hysterics.
“Oh Mam, I just CAN’T feckin’ wait. I’ve bought the most drop-dead-gorgeous dress too.”
I kick off my wet shoes and leave them upturned and discarded on the mat as I listen to the pause. It doesn’t last long,
“Noooo! I’ve no intention of upstaging the bride! Mam, as if I’d do that to you! Honestly!”
I close my eyes and blow my breath out as I stand there in the dark. She doesn’t know I’m home and I really wish I could ring Rob and ask if I can go over there. Only I can’t. Because he hates me. If Mum could SEE the slashed-to-the-navel and ripped-to-the-thigh red dress that Jennifer cajoled out of her rogue boyfriend, then she’d shirk at the notion of being upstaged. The fact is that Jennifer is hoping to have ALL the attention. End of.
“Oh Mam, wait till Sophie hears! You’re joking! They got married in Pasadena? Oh My God! And what about your plans for saying your vows on the beach in Malibu? Out the window still?”
I push open the door and want to giggle at the flat slapping sounds that my damp feet make on the wooden floor. I sense Jen frowning at me. It makes me smile a little as I go into the kitchen and pull open the fridge door. You know, she’s home here all afternoon and it’d be nice, just once, to walk in and find that she’d sorted some food. As I root around in the fridge the acrid smell of lemon pinches at my nostrils and it makes me think of when I first met Ade and he bought me the lemon muffin from Starbucks. He’d really intrigued me and I’d fallen for him in a far bigger way than I even admitted to myself. Which made the fall twice as far and doubly painful too. It’s funny, because I saw him at lunchtime, chatting to Ellie on reception and it was as if I truly saw him for the first time without the rose-coloured glasses. He just looked like a good looking city boy who flirts with everyone. It felt good, being able to smile and say ‘hi’ to both of them as I walked past and I was secretly pleased that there were no pangs of lust or loss. It made the day easier, knowing that he’s going to be my first Sophie Dilemma. It won’t be so painful now, knowing that I have no feelings for him. Looking at is positively it might make the first one easier too - that he’s not a complete stranger and there’s no worry that I’m not going to know what to say to him. Delaney told me today that there’s going to be 4 guys on 4 dates and there’ll be the last 2 weeks of work before we split for Christmas. She’s told me that the first date is confirmed to be with Ade, a humorous seasonal coupling in collaboration with Geezer magazine, and it’s going to be a night ice-skating on one of the open air Christmas rinks, followed by hot chocolate and muffins in the 24-hour cafe in the park. Sounds like it could be fun. IF it was with somebody other than Ade. Somebody like Rob, for example. Then there’ll be another date later that week, with another 2 in the following week - the last one is going to be the day before Jen and I fly out to L.A. Which makes me sad. Especially when I think about how I’d jumped the gun and dreamed about Rob coming out there with me. Maybe it’ll do me good to get away for a while. I can recharge my emotional batteries and bolster myself to get through the next 12 weeks wearing the crown of Staying Single.
Jen is still on the phone and I can’t bear being dragged into the conversation so I open a tub of cottage cheese and pineapple and fork out huge mounds, as I hold a pen in my other hand and begin to write my Christmas edition of Relationship Rehab.
Chapter Fifty Five
Chapter Fifty Seven
“Oh Mam, I just CAN’T feckin’ wait. I’ve bought the most drop-dead-gorgeous dress too.”
I kick off my wet shoes and leave them upturned and discarded on the mat as I listen to the pause. It doesn’t last long,
“Noooo! I’ve no intention of upstaging the bride! Mam, as if I’d do that to you! Honestly!”
I close my eyes and blow my breath out as I stand there in the dark. She doesn’t know I’m home and I really wish I could ring Rob and ask if I can go over there. Only I can’t. Because he hates me. If Mum could SEE the slashed-to-the-navel and ripped-to-the-thigh red dress that Jennifer cajoled out of her rogue boyfriend, then she’d shirk at the notion of being upstaged. The fact is that Jennifer is hoping to have ALL the attention. End of.
“Oh Mam, wait till Sophie hears! You’re joking! They got married in Pasadena? Oh My God! And what about your plans for saying your vows on the beach in Malibu? Out the window still?”
I push open the door and want to giggle at the flat slapping sounds that my damp feet make on the wooden floor. I sense Jen frowning at me. It makes me smile a little as I go into the kitchen and pull open the fridge door. You know, she’s home here all afternoon and it’d be nice, just once, to walk in and find that she’d sorted some food. As I root around in the fridge the acrid smell of lemon pinches at my nostrils and it makes me think of when I first met Ade and he bought me the lemon muffin from Starbucks. He’d really intrigued me and I’d fallen for him in a far bigger way than I even admitted to myself. Which made the fall twice as far and doubly painful too. It’s funny, because I saw him at lunchtime, chatting to Ellie on reception and it was as if I truly saw him for the first time without the rose-coloured glasses. He just looked like a good looking city boy who flirts with everyone. It felt good, being able to smile and say ‘hi’ to both of them as I walked past and I was secretly pleased that there were no pangs of lust or loss. It made the day easier, knowing that he’s going to be my first Sophie Dilemma. It won’t be so painful now, knowing that I have no feelings for him. Looking at is positively it might make the first one easier too - that he’s not a complete stranger and there’s no worry that I’m not going to know what to say to him. Delaney told me today that there’s going to be 4 guys on 4 dates and there’ll be the last 2 weeks of work before we split for Christmas. She’s told me that the first date is confirmed to be with Ade, a humorous seasonal coupling in collaboration with Geezer magazine, and it’s going to be a night ice-skating on one of the open air Christmas rinks, followed by hot chocolate and muffins in the 24-hour cafe in the park. Sounds like it could be fun. IF it was with somebody other than Ade. Somebody like Rob, for example. Then there’ll be another date later that week, with another 2 in the following week - the last one is going to be the day before Jen and I fly out to L.A. Which makes me sad. Especially when I think about how I’d jumped the gun and dreamed about Rob coming out there with me. Maybe it’ll do me good to get away for a while. I can recharge my emotional batteries and bolster myself to get through the next 12 weeks wearing the crown of Staying Single.
Jen is still on the phone and I can’t bear being dragged into the conversation so I open a tub of cottage cheese and pineapple and fork out huge mounds, as I hold a pen in my other hand and begin to write my Christmas edition of Relationship Rehab.
Chapter Fifty Five
Chapter Fifty Seven
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Chapter Fifty Five - The Yule Log (cabin)
The paperwork sat on Tamsin’s floor, neatly piled on her rag rug. She kept picking up the printed pages and reading them through, but not really taking in what they said. The log cabin looked adorable. Hugely romantic. 
They were for couples, which freaked her out a little, considering she’d be going alone. It was puzzling her though. Rob had been great about the break up with Ade and had been totally supportive to her. He hadn’t hesitated to give her the info for the Scottish lodge and hadn’t asked any questions about what had happened between Ade and her. Which was good - because she didn’t actually know herself! Ade had been really nice about the way he’d told her that it was over. He’d explained that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it had all got a little too cosy too quickly - but she still wasn’t entirely sure why he’d wanted to call it a day. Rob had made sense about it all and, once again, he’d been right when he’d pointed out how Tamsin had slipped straight from the messy relationship with Pete into a new one with Ade. And he was right too, when he’d said that she needed some time alone, some time to get to know herself, before she committed to anything else. As she sat cross-legged on her sofa, sipping a glass of red wine, she stared at the paperwork on the floor. Why had Rob booked the log cabin? And why had he booked it for the week BEFORE Christmas? And WHO had he booked it for? Himself plus one? Or for another couple? It didn’t make sense. She was going to go next weekend anyway. She’d been a little concerned about driving the 9 hours to Scotland, but Rob had already sorted her a cheap flight, so she had no excuse. She was looking forward to having some complete time out from her life. Time to chill and enjoy the peaceful surroundings. Rob had been right - she wanted to start the New Year with a revived and refreshed outlook. It was pointless being a serial dater - the next year was going to be all about Tam. Maybe Sophie had it right - choosing to remain single was going to be Tamsin’s aim from now on - no more unsuitable or unreliable men. It was all going to be about Tam from here on in.
*
This is the fourteenth time I’ve called Rob today and he’s not answering my calls. I swing from feeling desperate for the chance to explain myself, to being really fucking angry at him for being so gullible and jumping to conclusions about me! How DARE he think that I’m that flaky that I’d arrange to meet Ade behind Tamsin’s back! Or that I’d be less than honest with him, OR HER, about it too! In a way I can’t help but figure that if he thinks I’m that kind of spineless person, then what’s he interested in me for anyway? Doesn’t that say more about HIM than it does about ME? And then I lose the firecracker in me and feel terrible. All of those shit men, those terrible dates, those losers that dumped me WAY before I’d started my quest to stay single? They were nothing compared to how I feel now. This is different. Because I really like Rob. I mean, really, REALLY like him which makes it so much worse. And also because he’s angry with me for something that is a huge mistake! If only he’d give me the chance to explain! He’s obviously really angry at me - which is kind of good, because that means he really likes me, doesn’t it? Then it isn’t good too. Because if he likes me that much (like I do him) then wouldn’t it make sense for him to listen to what I have to say? MEN! Grrr - they’re SO damned stubborn!! The first guy I’ve kissed in years that I truly like on so many levels. His kiss made me melt right down to the middle of my body. That hasn’t happened for a long, long time. And now he won’t talk to me... So much for asking him to come to Mum’s wedding with me! What a joke THAT idea was! Didn’t even last 24 hours. And I have a week until my first ‘official’ Sophie Dilemma. And here I am, with a real one!
*
“Regan!” Delaney is calling for me first thing on Monday morning. It’s been a shit weekend and Rob is still refusing my calls. It’s outrageous and now I’m really annoyed at him. He’s acting like a stubborn school boy by not listening to my side of the story. I spoke to Tamsin about it and asked her if she’d seen Rob. She was FULL of news! Apparently Ade went around to see her over the weekend and broke it off with her. For no real reason. I knew he was planning to do that - he’d told me when we’d had our drink together. And I’d been right too - her laziness and overly-cosiness was freaking him out. So she’s been feeling awful too - poor love. After the break up with Pete too, it’s all too much in a short time span. But then she told me how Rob gave her a booking for a long weekend at a beautiful log cabin in Scotland. It sounds completely gorgeous - a cabin for two in a remote woodland in Scotland somewhere. She’s really puzzled about it all though. She said that the date on the booking was last week and that Rob wouldn’t say where he’d got it from or who he’d booked it for. Which leads me to think one of two things - he’d either booked it FOR Tam as a present for her and Ade, or he’d booked it for himself and somebody else. Could that somebody have been me? Or is he seeing somebody else too? Has he been seeing somebody else for the whole time we’ve been friends, but I’ve been so caught up with my own sorry state of affairs that I’ve never given him the chance to talk to me about it. Or was it for him and Jen all along? It just doesn’t bear thinking about... “REGAN!” Delaney’s loud voice breaks my trance and I grab my papers and rush to her office. “OK,” I huff and puff, “here.” “Good weekend?” she barks. “No, but let’s not talk about it.” “Oh,” she looks at me a little concerned but says nothing. Thank god. Because I really don’t want to talk about it. I keep thinking about how tormented I‘d been when Danny-the-chav had said how the word monogamous was so like monotonous and I’ve realised how wrong he was. It all depends on who you’re with and if it’s monotonous then you’re either doing it wrong or you’re doing it with the wrong person. Perhaps Jennifer WAS right when she’d said that publicising my ‘inadequacy’ wouldn’t help me to find a decent man. Of course she’d been right, because ultimately when I had the chance with Rob - I blew it. I’m useless. And now I have to put a smile on my face when Delaney shows me the cover for the Woman To Woman Christmas edition.
And then she shows me the one for the Geezer edition too.
And I see the bit about Ade Gets Sleigh'd and it reminds me what he's really like. It's worrying me that Ade is my first Sophie Dilemma... I’d eat Delaney’s toenail cuttings out of a dog’s bowl rather than do these 4 dates for Sophie Dilemma. Delaney interrupts, “OK Sophie, we’re loading the SophieDilemma site this week. Going to show you a preview later today.”
Yip!
How to pretend I’m excited?
Chapter Fifty Four
Chapter Fifty Six
They were for couples, which freaked her out a little, considering she’d be going alone. It was puzzling her though. Rob had been great about the break up with Ade and had been totally supportive to her. He hadn’t hesitated to give her the info for the Scottish lodge and hadn’t asked any questions about what had happened between Ade and her. Which was good - because she didn’t actually know herself! Ade had been really nice about the way he’d told her that it was over. He’d explained that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it had all got a little too cosy too quickly - but she still wasn’t entirely sure why he’d wanted to call it a day. Rob had made sense about it all and, once again, he’d been right when he’d pointed out how Tamsin had slipped straight from the messy relationship with Pete into a new one with Ade. And he was right too, when he’d said that she needed some time alone, some time to get to know herself, before she committed to anything else. As she sat cross-legged on her sofa, sipping a glass of red wine, she stared at the paperwork on the floor. Why had Rob booked the log cabin? And why had he booked it for the week BEFORE Christmas? And WHO had he booked it for? Himself plus one? Or for another couple? It didn’t make sense. She was going to go next weekend anyway. She’d been a little concerned about driving the 9 hours to Scotland, but Rob had already sorted her a cheap flight, so she had no excuse. She was looking forward to having some complete time out from her life. Time to chill and enjoy the peaceful surroundings. Rob had been right - she wanted to start the New Year with a revived and refreshed outlook. It was pointless being a serial dater - the next year was going to be all about Tam. Maybe Sophie had it right - choosing to remain single was going to be Tamsin’s aim from now on - no more unsuitable or unreliable men. It was all going to be about Tam from here on in.
*
This is the fourteenth time I’ve called Rob today and he’s not answering my calls. I swing from feeling desperate for the chance to explain myself, to being really fucking angry at him for being so gullible and jumping to conclusions about me! How DARE he think that I’m that flaky that I’d arrange to meet Ade behind Tamsin’s back! Or that I’d be less than honest with him, OR HER, about it too! In a way I can’t help but figure that if he thinks I’m that kind of spineless person, then what’s he interested in me for anyway? Doesn’t that say more about HIM than it does about ME? And then I lose the firecracker in me and feel terrible. All of those shit men, those terrible dates, those losers that dumped me WAY before I’d started my quest to stay single? They were nothing compared to how I feel now. This is different. Because I really like Rob. I mean, really, REALLY like him which makes it so much worse. And also because he’s angry with me for something that is a huge mistake! If only he’d give me the chance to explain! He’s obviously really angry at me - which is kind of good, because that means he really likes me, doesn’t it? Then it isn’t good too. Because if he likes me that much (like I do him) then wouldn’t it make sense for him to listen to what I have to say? MEN! Grrr - they’re SO damned stubborn!! The first guy I’ve kissed in years that I truly like on so many levels. His kiss made me melt right down to the middle of my body. That hasn’t happened for a long, long time. And now he won’t talk to me... So much for asking him to come to Mum’s wedding with me! What a joke THAT idea was! Didn’t even last 24 hours. And I have a week until my first ‘official’ Sophie Dilemma. And here I am, with a real one!
*
“Regan!” Delaney is calling for me first thing on Monday morning. It’s been a shit weekend and Rob is still refusing my calls. It’s outrageous and now I’m really annoyed at him. He’s acting like a stubborn school boy by not listening to my side of the story. I spoke to Tamsin about it and asked her if she’d seen Rob. She was FULL of news! Apparently Ade went around to see her over the weekend and broke it off with her. For no real reason. I knew he was planning to do that - he’d told me when we’d had our drink together. And I’d been right too - her laziness and overly-cosiness was freaking him out. So she’s been feeling awful too - poor love. After the break up with Pete too, it’s all too much in a short time span. But then she told me how Rob gave her a booking for a long weekend at a beautiful log cabin in Scotland. It sounds completely gorgeous - a cabin for two in a remote woodland in Scotland somewhere. She’s really puzzled about it all though. She said that the date on the booking was last week and that Rob wouldn’t say where he’d got it from or who he’d booked it for. Which leads me to think one of two things - he’d either booked it FOR Tam as a present for her and Ade, or he’d booked it for himself and somebody else. Could that somebody have been me? Or is he seeing somebody else too? Has he been seeing somebody else for the whole time we’ve been friends, but I’ve been so caught up with my own sorry state of affairs that I’ve never given him the chance to talk to me about it. Or was it for him and Jen all along? It just doesn’t bear thinking about... “REGAN!” Delaney’s loud voice breaks my trance and I grab my papers and rush to her office. “OK,” I huff and puff, “here.” “Good weekend?” she barks. “No, but let’s not talk about it.” “Oh,” she looks at me a little concerned but says nothing. Thank god. Because I really don’t want to talk about it. I keep thinking about how tormented I‘d been when Danny-the-chav had said how the word monogamous was so like monotonous and I’ve realised how wrong he was. It all depends on who you’re with and if it’s monotonous then you’re either doing it wrong or you’re doing it with the wrong person. Perhaps Jennifer WAS right when she’d said that publicising my ‘inadequacy’ wouldn’t help me to find a decent man. Of course she’d been right, because ultimately when I had the chance with Rob - I blew it. I’m useless. And now I have to put a smile on my face when Delaney shows me the cover for the Woman To Woman Christmas edition.
And then she shows me the one for the Geezer edition too.
And I see the bit about Ade Gets Sleigh'd and it reminds me what he's really like. It's worrying me that Ade is my first Sophie Dilemma... I’d eat Delaney’s toenail cuttings out of a dog’s bowl rather than do these 4 dates for Sophie Dilemma. Delaney interrupts, “OK Sophie, we’re loading the SophieDilemma site this week. Going to show you a preview later today.”
Yip!
How to pretend I’m excited?
Chapter Fifty Four
Chapter Fifty Six
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