Chapter Sixty - Ice Ice Baby

OK, so the day has come. I’m ridiculously nervous about this first date. Even though I KNOW the guy and I know where we’re going I am a wreck. I actually feel SICK. I’ve rushed to the toilet 5 times already! I’ve spent the morning at work and Delaney has given me the afternoon off to calm myself down. She said I was no good ‘to man or beast’ - which I think she meant as a light hearted joke, but I actually took very seriously! She’s right! I’m not! I’m sitting on my bed and looking at the dress I bought from Monsoon for Mum’s wedding and am slightly repulsed by the small orangey flecks in it. If I’d only known I was going to be in keeping with the ‘theme’ then I’d never have bought it. But I’ve also realised that everybody at the wedding will be brown and tanned and I’ll be there with my pasty white arms and milk bottle legs. I need to book an intense St Tropez session and while I’m at it I might as well go the whole hog and have my hair cut and my legs and armpits waxed too. Yes, if I have to endure these next 2 weeks with 4 horrendous ‘live’ dates then I deserve a little pampering...
Now where are my matching gloves and scarf and woolly hat?
So NOT a good look for a date!

*

Ade felt slightly nervous about the impending ‘date’ but was quietly confident too. He’d decided to wear his jeans and his light blue Ben Sherman jumper - he knew it looked dead sexy, the way it stretched across his chest and shoulders. His Mum had joked that it looked like the coat hanger was still in it and he loved that notion. He looked good and knew it. He’d tried on a couple of beanie hats but had dragged them off almost immediately - there was something about them that made him feel like a Peter Andre wannabe. He knew from skating in the past that the exercise heats you up and he didn’t want to have the red-cheeked look after only half a hour. Patting his jeans pocket he checked that he had all the information that he needed and grabbed his car keys, slamming the front door behind him.

*



I always feel like somebody from a film when I’m in a black cab. There’s something cinematic about it, as I imagine myself being filmed, zipping through the London streets, the blue fibre optic Christmas lights shining down onto the black paintwork. I feel really sick. I’ve been listening to the saxophone version of ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ for the last 3 minutes and it’s making me feel a little poignant and sad. It’s like one of those romantic moments from a film as I’m on my way to a date with Ade - the guy that really messed me up earlier in the year. But strangely, now the empty pit in my stomach is for Rob. I’m finding it difficult to eat or to think straight simply because of the misdemeanour that he thinks I’m a cheating bitch. And I can’t even defend myself. It’s not fair.
“Kew Gardens, babe!”
The taxi driver breaks my downward spiral of self-doubt and hatred, jerking me into an aware state that we’re actually here.
“OK,” I reply, my voice shaky.
As I pull a tenner out of my purse I can’t help but be overwhelmed at how fabulous the rink looks. Lots of people, many of them in red - how predictable, rhythmically moving in an anti-clockwise direction. It looks like fun! If only I wasn’t also looking at Ross and Darren standing with the 2 cameras and the few crew members. Reality check that this is work and NOT play. As soon as I’m out of the taxi Ross is over,
“Hey, Sophie. You look great! Any word from Adrian? He hasn’t arrived yet.
“No,” I reply, but can’t figure why they think I’d hear from him.
“OK,” he gently holds my arms and leads me across to the camera, “we gotta get you mic’d up and talk through the workings. Wanna wait til Ade arrives?”
“No, let’s do it now. I can listen again when he gets here. I’m so nervous I probably won’t remember it anyway.”
“Right, we’re gonna just film a short amount of footage of you 2 guys skating around. You any good?”
I shake my head. He laughs.
“OK, so we’re gonna grab some scenes of you both skating, or trying to, and gonna ask you to come over here and talk a little in front of the cameras too. But the main part of the dilemma has to be when you’re having your hot chocolate drinks afterwards. What we want is for the audience to watch how you both interact together and whether they think you should see him again. So just be yourself. Viewers know when they’re being hoodwinked, so just be completely natural and let them see the REAL Sophie and how she acts when she’s on a date.”
“Right.” I feel weak. Bloody Delaney. This was all her idea!

I’m watching the families and couples, work mates and children spinning on the ice beneath the stars and beside the glow of a huge Christmas tree and I hate to admit that it does warm my heart. That heart of mine that sits in shards in my chest every time I think of Rob and how I’ve messed it all up. I wish I was here with him. The atmosphere is exciting and edgy and I’m loving watching my breath escape from my mouth in icy clouds. I’m slightly impressed when Ade pulls up in a rather slick black car - I don’t have a clue what make it is, but it’s swish-looking. He looks gorgeous when he gets out of the car and in that split second all of the lusty feelings I once had for him rush in. It’s as if all of the bad stuff between us hasn’t happened, and as if all the good bits between Rob and I hadn’t too.

*

He’s bloody fantastic at skating - the bastard! I bet he was delighted when Delaney agreed to the open air rink being the first of my 4 dates. He certainly knew what he was doing. The very nature of ice skating means that conversation doesn’t flow particularly easy, which is actually more of a bonus than a pain. I throw my head back and laugh when Ade gets me a zimmer frame type of thing to lean on so that I can learn and ‘find my feet’. There’s no way I’m pushing that contraption around the ice. It’s only minutes later than I’ve completely forgotten about the cameras and when he grabs my hand and drags me alongside him at top speed, I feel my hair flying behind me and I’m aware that I’m screaming! I bet the film crew are loving this! He grabs my hips and spins me a little, not too fast, and I’m mortified to realise that I probably look at lot like Bambi - only less attractive and with chunkier legs. But it’s all great fun and I’m alarmingly aware that my skin tingles everytime he touches me. It’s a scary realisation, but a very true one.
I’ve still got the hots for Ade.
Big time.
He’s so wrong for me, a liar and a cheat and completely lacks integrity.
But I fancy the fucking pants off him....



Chapter Fifty Nine
Chapter Sixty One

Chapter Fifty Nine - The Man From Del Monte He Say "*&@!*!!"

It’s ludicrous - the way my Mother and sister go on. Honestly, you’d think they were a couple of teenagers - what with their shrieking and giggling about the stupidest things. I’ve been listening to Jennifer for the last 35 minutes from my bedroom. I’ve been trying to reorganise the room in a bid to create a calm space. It looked a whole lot better as soon as I moved the weeks discarded clothes from the floor and into the washing bin. As much as I’ve been determined NOT to ear-wig on their conversation, it’s impossible. Jen is raucous and from the one-sided chat that I’ve been listening to I already know about Mum’s ‘new best friend’ Bobbi Jo and how she’s now going overboard on the orange theme. It reminds me of a weekend I had in Amsterdam where everything was orange, but that’s another story. Jennifer’s been laughing about the orange-iced wedding cake, the orange juice fountain and the orange fairy lights. It stands to reason really though, that if my mother wanted to go for a hideous orange theme, she wasn’t equipped to do it in a STYLISH way. And then I hear Jennifer stop laughing and make a feeble attempt at lowering her voice,
“Noo, she’s still the same. Yeah. No. Not at all. Yep, another 3 months to go I think. Ridiculous, I agree. I CAN’T sort her, Mam. Chalk and cheese, darling. Yes. Of course. Well I think I’ll probably head back home after your wedding. No. Nothing really to go back for. Yeah, I have loved it here. London’s fab. And the sunbed shop job HAS been fun. Oh, Mam, how mad! I’ve just realised I’m working for a place that TURNS people orange and you’re having an orange weddiiinnngg!!!“

When I emerge from my bedroom an hour later Jen is still on the phone, although I can tell by her husky drawl that she’s not talking to our mother. She stiffens up a little when she realises I’m in the room, shuffling herself into an upright position on the sofa, and I’m SURE I see her move her hand from beneath her skirt! Yuk! How sick? She whispers a low,
“OK baby. Yeah baby. Bye bye Big Boy,“ into the phone before disconnecting it and trying to avoid eye contact with me. Probably that awful guy she met at the sunbed shop.
“So,” I ask with a forced air of nonchalance, “how was Mum?”
“Oh,” she flicked her hair and pretended to watch the muted television, “you know. Excited, hyperactive, a hundred miles an hour. The usual.”
“So it really IS going to be orange.”
“Yep,” she nodded, “it really is. And the hen party was orange and the caterers are cooking orange-themed or flavoured foods, the marquee furnishings are going to be orange. You name it, it’s orange.”
“Great,” I hiss, “our mother’s marrying the man from fucking Del Monte!”
“Ha, yeah,” Jen laughs, “bloody shame he said ‘yes’!”
And we both curl up and laugh.
Together.
For the first time in years.

*

Ben Scott was on his fifth Jack Daniels and had a massive hard on. He was reclined on his sheepskin rug dressed in La Perla lace knickers, suspenders with silk stockings and 3 inch high black patent stilettos. They looked ridiculous, cutting into the flesh on his thighs - his black leg hair thick and squashed beneath the stockings; his bony, knobbly ankles leading down to the size 9 shoes. A glow from his laptop was the only light in the room which gave a soft-tone blue tinge to his naked flesh. Looking out at his balcony doors he could see the night lights of London sparkling in the icy night air. His breath was short and fast and he could feel his pulse beating in his neck and chest. The feel of the tight knickers really turned him on but the sexy messages that were hitting his ‘inbox‘ were certainly upping the pace. He‘d hooked up with his new cohort months ago, when Sophie Regan had become London‘s new ‘favourite‘ and launched her stupid project. Little had he known then what a sexy bitch this new ‘buddy’ was and how her evil streak was her sexiest feature. As he waited for her to reply to his MSN instant message he continued checking his friends-friends-friends. He adored Facebook and since hearing how all the media types were on there and the potential for networking he hadn‘t hesitated in loading his entire portfolio of publicity photos and give it his best shot. At his age he couldn’t afford to miss the opportunity to comb through everyone else’s ‘friends’ and the networking opportunities were endless. It bothered him that Sophie might reveal his ‘secret’ and it if wasn’t for this new woman and her wickedly sexy ideas then he’d surely be finished on television. He’d seen it all too many times; the nations ’darling’ pulled through the shit, their career in tatters and beyond repair. Take his good friend Michael Barrymore - what an horrendous time he’d had and then there’d been Jade Goody for her rants on Big Brother. It had left them both in tatters and it was all so unfair and unjust. He couldn’t risk the same for him, which was why Sophie had to be silenced and if that meant framing her as a fraud, then that‘s what he‘d have to do.
His television contract had only been renewed for another year and he knew that he was in constant danger of being cast in the shadows by the new influx of presenters filtering up from the children’s TV channels and onto the mainstream, Saturday night shows. Then there were the ex-radio jocks moving into the daytime chat-show arena. He’d felt sick when he’d been told that Charlotte Church had been given her own chat show. He felt truly saddened that the old pro’s - the Michael Parkinsons, the Jay Leno’s, the Terry Wogan’s were being spurned for a gobby cow with NO experience. But ultimately he was terrified that Sophie had the potential to spill the beans on his fetish for women’s clothing. He’d felt ill when she had first found him wearing the cotton sundress as she’d walked into his flat without knocking. That had been nearly 2 years ago now but he remembered it like yesterday. She’d been shocked but they’d talked it through and she SEEMED to understand! It had taken her a couple of weeks to tell him that she respected his pleasures, but that she couldn’t continue to see him in a sexually attractive way. She’d even hugged him and said that they’d remain friends! And he had believed her! The sex between them had always been explosive and she was an extremely uninhibited filly in the bedroom. He’d always thought it such a shame that she constantly nagged him about his communicative skills and that she found his penchant for Agent Provocateur a turn off. The fact remained though, that she was the ONLY person in the media world that knew about his secret and since her catapult into public eye with the Staying Single story he wasn’t so sure that he could trust her. He clicked to open the MSN menu to check whether his sexiest closest confidante was online.
Angela Johnson was.
Excellent.
If it wasn’t for her, he’d have NO idea that Sophie was planning to humiliate him on national television . It was just as well he had something on her to sling back. And, thanks to AJ, he was now going to be her 4th, and final, Sophie Dilemma date – which was to be filmed live. This would give him the perfect opportunity to embarrass Sophie live and online. That should lay to rest any wicked ideas she might have about mentioning the odd suspender belt or lycra mini skirt that he had tucked away in his secret drawer at home….

Chapter Fifty Eight
Chapter Sixty

Chapter Fifty Eight - Agendas & Suspenders

Rob was feeling shit and angry. He hated to admit it, but he’d been naive in thinking that Sophie was genuine. If she’d been THAT genuine then why was she trying to stay single? She looked great and had a sparkling personality and had really wormed her way under his skin over the last few months. He wasn’t short of female admirers - he was a fit, good looking guy and saw lots of women that he liked the look of, a few that he’d meet in the pub that he’d chat with and would instigate an interest, but not enough to get involved with. The truth was, Rob hadn’t had a relationship for a couple of years. He’d been so busy building up his business and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to commit 100% because of that. He’d had his share of unfulfilling one-night stands and had always liked Sophie. In a way he could now see why she’d opted out of the dating game – he’d forgotten how painful it all was, how insecure it made him feel and how you could rush from high to severely low in a matter of seconds. It bothered him intensely that he’d begun to lose himself in Sophie’s kiss beneath that umbrella and how he’d been on the verge of telling her that he’d made the grand gesture of booking the log cabin. He’d worried that it might freak her out - that she’d think it was too much too quickly, but then he’d figured that they’d been good friends for a while now and that they’d manage it.
And then he sees her kissing Adrian Ford.
Getting angry once again he pondered over all the grey areas that he couldn't define - like how long she’d been seeing him?
Had it been since they’d first met?
And what about Tam and their friendship?
There was so much he wanted to say to her - to ask her and to tell too, but his stubbornness insisted on standing in his way with it’s arms folded.
Bah humbug - so much for the warmth of Christmas.
He dreaded the thoughts of yet another Christmas Eve out with the lads and getting drunk again.
He was SO ready for ‘something more’, if only she had been honest, and ready, for him....

*

Rob and Ade were at extremes. Whilst Rob felt alone and desperate, Ade was excited and on a high as he prepared for his ‘date’ with Sophie. It had been his idea to go to the outdoor ice rink at Kew Gardens - it was the perfect Christmas venue and it was impossible not to have some laughs. Without being witty, it was the ideal scenario for breaking the ice as it involved lots of touching and laughing as he imagined them wobbling about under the twinkling fairy lights. He used to be good at ice skating and had spent hours at the rink at Streatham in his teenage years, even being asked to join the under 16’s ice hockey team. He was confident that he had every capability of having lots of fun with Sophie and make her realise that they SHOULD be together. He’d been wishing that the rain would stay away as he wanted just one last chance to make her see how much he liked her. Determined to be fun and extremely hands-on, without being creepy, he’d prepared it all right down to the last detail. OK, those ’extras’ had cost him a small fortune, but he was certain that it would be worth it. He wanted this chance to put right all the wrongs – the Trev Malone wind up, the Geezer involvement in Sophie’s Staying Single quest, the many ways that he’d seemed flippant about the way he’d treated her. The first Sophie Dilemma date was his chance, possibly his last chance, to make a public display of how serious he was about a relationship with Sophie and he intended to pull out all of the stops.

*

Tam was pulling out all of the stops as she got stuck into the back of her wardrobe. She began to fear that if she delved any deeper she’d come across a giant lion and a half-man/half-goaty type thing, but it didn’t stop her. She was beginning to sort out some clothes for her long weekend in the log cabin and was chucking clothes onto her bed at a ferocious rate. Her frenzied excitement was escalating alarmingly, despite the slight niggle at not really knowing what clothes to pack. Would it be cold in Scotland? Would the log cabin be cold/double glazed/centrally heated? Looking back at the jumble of fabrics and colours made her realise how dowdy and scruffy she’d been lately. A pang of disgust punched her in the stomach as the true horror hit her. She’d let herself go, big time. No wonder Adrian had called it off with her. He’d have been a fool to stick around.
In the same way that Pete would have.
Been a fool.
She was stunned at the hoards of colourful and gorgeous clothes that she had here - clothes that she used to delight in wearing before she’d stolen Pete from his wife. Suddenly it all fell into place. She’d been flattered by Pete’s attention - it was strangely intensified by the knowledge that he was married - somehow made it MORE flattering that he liked her, despite having a wife at home. She couldn’t figure it out now, but it had struck a chord with her at the time. And so she’d gone from the wearing sexy, sassy clothes that had attracted him to her in the first place, to slipping into domestic doldrums of tracksuits and t-shirts.
There was time for this procrastination and that’s what she supposed Rob had been thinking, when he handed her the booking info for the Burnbank lodge. She needed to remember WHO she used to be. Sophie was a fantastic friend and knew her so well. She’d got it right when she’d said that to be happy with somebody you have to be happy with yourself first. Tamsin could see how she’d spent years going from man to man as if they were all the same person. Scooping up the mountain of clothes she dropped them clumsily into the tub chair in her bedroom. She was going to keep everything as simple as possible from now on. Pulling her favourite jeans from her wardrobe door she packed some of the chunky knitted jackets and her Timberland boots into her small holdall. She needed to spend some quality time with HERSELF and hoped that she’d have plenty of chances to enjoy walking through the Scottish forestry and beside the lake and remember WHO she was, and what she wanted to be. Rob had truly pulled an ace out of the hat with this one. It was the best Christmas present that she’d ever received.
Although she was more than a little curious as to why Rob had initially booked it for two people.
Perhaps he’d hoped to go with her and now couldn’t.
But she suspected that there was more to it than that.
But Rob? Have a girlfriend? He surely would have said something to her.
Then again, Tam realised, she’d been pretty much myopic lately when it came to her friends and family. And so 3 weeks before New Years Day Tamsin made her first new years resolution.
It was time to fall in love again.
But this time with herself.

*

In Los Angeles Sophie’s Mum was also preparing. Thrilled to be getting married in Orange County she’d just spent 10 minutes on the phone instructing the wedding planner to scrap the tasteful white and gold balloons and replace them with orange ones! Bobbie Jo had made her think of the ‘orange’ theme at her bachelorette party last week and she’d already asked for orange icing on the wedding cake and orange lights around the marquee. Snatching the phone up from the garden table she punched in Sophie’s number, secretly hoping that Jennifer would answer.
Sophie was a darling, but she was SO dry. Jennifer really was a girl after her own heart - knew how to party and how to really let her hair down.

*

Ben Scott loved Facebook. It was everything that MySpace was and more. The networking opportunites! The combing through media contacts ‘friends’ lists!
He was in heaven.
Apart from the stretched elastic strip that was beginning to cut into his bum cheek.


Chapter Fifty Seven
Chapter Fifty Nine

Chapter Fifty Seven - Seasons Bleetings!

Relationship Rehab – Mingle as a Single at XMAS....

Let me get one thing straight.
The stigma of being a singleton at Christmas is potentially bigger than being an ex-Big Brother contestant and trying to launch your own lingerie/perfume/autobiography. The ‘It’ll Be Lonely This Christmas’ ethos is potentially damaging to the ego and can be like watching a party that you’re not invited to, through a smoky window. It’s a bizarre race to be ‘ready’ for Christmas and if YOU isn’t TWO then it’s set to be a little lonely. Now don’t mistake me for a cynic - I’m not! I can get into the swing of it all along with the rest of the population - strangling their credit cards and depleting the notion of financial freedom for the next 10 months, all in the name of ‘goodwill‘. Forget the 80% of the world that are starving, if we don’t have a gold platter of mixed nuts that would make the fattest squirrel jealous, then we’re just NOT in the game! Everywhere you look there are schmaltzy tunes, pissed, puking office party-goers or chocolate box families.
But the bright side as a singleton? The absence of in-laws, no money arguments, the freedom to go Christmas shopping when YOU want and the budget to treat yourself to a pressie. If I’ve learned one thing over these last 9 months it’s that being SINGLE doesn’t mean being ALONE. And I won’t be. Despite turning a seasonal shade of green when my friend told me that she’d been treated to a long weekend in a romantic log cabin in Scotland, it got me thinking how I’d really LOVE to do that. Especially at Christmas. But we never get that snowy scene do we? More like grey skies and deep puddles. So this year I’m decamping to Los Angeles for a truly American-style Christmas. My mother is getting married on Christmas Eve and I’ve heard that LA in December is in the seventies - so roll on sunny skies!

So this will be the last Relationship Rehab until the new year, but before all that frivolity I have 4 dates, 4 guys and 4 dilemmas to face. With mere days until Date 1, I‘m a little nervous. I know it‘s at Kew Gardens Ice Skating Rink, followed by hot chocolate. I don‘t know yet what the other 3 dates will be - but I do know that I‘m going to need your help in deciding what to do! So watch this space - all will be revealed in the next couple of days. And in the meantime keep an eye at www.sophiedilemma.com - it'll all change when you're least expecting it

So for now, I‘ll sign off and let you help me with my dilemmas - and while I can‘t guarantee that you‘ll have snow at Christmas or that I‘ll have scorching sunshine, I CAN guarantee one thing...
I certainly won‘t be breaking a leg to catch that bridal bouquet!

Sophie.xx


Chapter Fifty Six
Chapter Fifty Eight

Chapter Fifty Six - The Ice Breaker?

I’ve just trudged home in the rain after a long, thin day. I feel like an overstretched elastic band, tight and ready to snap as I sidestepped the deluge of warped office parties - the women giggling in their ‘party’ office gear - which comprises usual office clothing but in velvet rather than cotton, accessorised with flashing xmas bauble earrings and felt antlers. They look ridiculous - but at least they’re laughing. Which is more than I’m doing. I feel so low that any sound of frivolity is bristling off of me like shards of glass. So imagine how hacked off I am to walk in through my front door and HEAR Jennifer before I see her. She’s on the phone, squeaking and squealing in hysterics.
“Oh Mam, I just CAN’T feckin’ wait. I’ve bought the most drop-dead-gorgeous dress too.”
I kick off my wet shoes and leave them upturned and discarded on the mat as I listen to the pause. It doesn’t last long,
“Noooo! I’ve no intention of upstaging the bride! Mam, as if I’d do that to you! Honestly!”
I close my eyes and blow my breath out as I stand there in the dark. She doesn’t know I’m home and I really wish I could ring Rob and ask if I can go over there. Only I can’t. Because he hates me. If Mum could SEE the slashed-to-the-navel and ripped-to-the-thigh red dress that Jennifer cajoled out of her rogue boyfriend, then she’d shirk at the notion of being upstaged. The fact is that Jennifer is hoping to have ALL the attention. End of.
“Oh Mam, wait till Sophie hears! You’re joking! They got married in Pasadena? Oh My God! And what about your plans for saying your vows on the beach in Malibu? Out the window still?”
I push open the door and want to giggle at the flat slapping sounds that my damp feet make on the wooden floor. I sense Jen frowning at me. It makes me smile a little as I go into the kitchen and pull open the fridge door. You know, she’s home here all afternoon and it’d be nice, just once, to walk in and find that she’d sorted some food. As I root around in the fridge the acrid smell of lemon pinches at my nostrils and it makes me think of when I first met Ade and he bought me the lemon muffin from Starbucks. He’d really intrigued me and I’d fallen for him in a far bigger way than I even admitted to myself. Which made the fall twice as far and doubly painful too. It’s funny, because I saw him at lunchtime, chatting to Ellie on reception and it was as if I truly saw him for the first time without the rose-coloured glasses. He just looked like a good looking city boy who flirts with everyone. It felt good, being able to smile and say ‘hi’ to both of them as I walked past and I was secretly pleased that there were no pangs of lust or loss. It made the day easier, knowing that he’s going to be my first Sophie Dilemma. It won’t be so painful now, knowing that I have no feelings for him. Looking at is positively it might make the first one easier too - that he’s not a complete stranger and there’s no worry that I’m not going to know what to say to him. Delaney told me today that there’s going to be 4 guys on 4 dates and there’ll be the last 2 weeks of work before we split for Christmas. She’s told me that the first date is confirmed to be with Ade, a humorous seasonal coupling in collaboration with Geezer magazine, and it’s going to be a night ice-skating on one of the open air Christmas rinks, followed by hot chocolate and muffins in the 24-hour cafe in the park. Sounds like it could be fun. IF it was with somebody other than Ade. Somebody like Rob, for example. Then there’ll be another date later that week, with another 2 in the following week - the last one is going to be the day before Jen and I fly out to L.A. Which makes me sad. Especially when I think about how I’d jumped the gun and dreamed about Rob coming out there with me. Maybe it’ll do me good to get away for a while. I can recharge my emotional batteries and bolster myself to get through the next 12 weeks wearing the crown of Staying Single.
Jen is still on the phone and I can’t bear being dragged into the conversation so I open a tub of cottage cheese and pineapple and fork out huge mounds, as I hold a pen in my other hand and begin to write my Christmas edition of Relationship Rehab.

Chapter Fifty Five
Chapter Fifty Seven

Chapter Fifty Five - The Yule Log (cabin)

The paperwork sat on Tamsin’s floor, neatly piled on her rag rug. She kept picking up the printed pages and reading them through, but not really taking in what they said. The log cabin looked adorable. Hugely romantic.
They were for couples, which freaked her out a little, considering she’d be going alone. It was puzzling her though. Rob had been great about the break up with Ade and had been totally supportive to her. He hadn’t hesitated to give her the info for the Scottish lodge and hadn’t asked any questions about what had happened between Ade and her. Which was good - because she didn’t actually know herself! Ade had been really nice about the way he’d told her that it was over. He’d explained that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it had all got a little too cosy too quickly - but she still wasn’t entirely sure why he’d wanted to call it a day. Rob had made sense about it all and, once again, he’d been right when he’d pointed out how Tamsin had slipped straight from the messy relationship with Pete into a new one with Ade. And he was right too, when he’d said that she needed some time alone, some time to get to know herself, before she committed to anything else. As she sat cross-legged on her sofa, sipping a glass of red wine, she stared at the paperwork on the floor. Why had Rob booked the log cabin? And why had he booked it for the week BEFORE Christmas? And WHO had he booked it for? Himself plus one? Or for another couple? It didn’t make sense. She was going to go next weekend anyway. She’d been a little concerned about driving the 9 hours to Scotland, but Rob had already sorted her a cheap flight, so she had no excuse. She was looking forward to having some complete time out from her life. Time to chill and enjoy the peaceful surroundings. Rob had been right - she wanted to start the New Year with a revived and refreshed outlook. It was pointless being a serial dater - the next year was going to be all about Tam. Maybe Sophie had it right - choosing to remain single was going to be Tamsin’s aim from now on - no more unsuitable or unreliable men. It was all going to be about Tam from here on in.
*
This is the fourteenth time I’ve called Rob today and he’s not answering my calls. I swing from feeling desperate for the chance to explain myself, to being really fucking angry at him for being so gullible and jumping to conclusions about me! How DARE he think that I’m that flaky that I’d arrange to meet Ade behind Tamsin’s back! Or that I’d be less than honest with him, OR HER, about it too! In a way I can’t help but figure that if he thinks I’m that kind of spineless person, then what’s he interested in me for anyway? Doesn’t that say more about HIM than it does about ME? And then I lose the firecracker in me and feel terrible. All of those shit men, those terrible dates, those losers that dumped me WAY before I’d started my quest to stay single? They were nothing compared to how I feel now. This is different. Because I really like Rob. I mean, really, REALLY like him which makes it so much worse. And also because he’s angry with me for something that is a huge mistake! If only he’d give me the chance to explain! He’s obviously really angry at me - which is kind of good, because that means he really likes me, doesn’t it? Then it isn’t good too. Because if he likes me that much (like I do him) then wouldn’t it make sense for him to listen to what I have to say? MEN! Grrr - they’re SO damned stubborn!! The first guy I’ve kissed in years that I truly like on so many levels. His kiss made me melt right down to the middle of my body. That hasn’t happened for a long, long time. And now he won’t talk to me... So much for asking him to come to Mum’s wedding with me! What a joke THAT idea was! Didn’t even last 24 hours. And I have a week until my first ‘official’ Sophie Dilemma. And here I am, with a real one!
*
“Regan!” Delaney is calling for me first thing on Monday morning. It’s been a shit weekend and Rob is still refusing my calls. It’s outrageous and now I’m really annoyed at him. He’s acting like a stubborn school boy by not listening to my side of the story. I spoke to Tamsin about it and asked her if she’d seen Rob. She was FULL of news! Apparently Ade went around to see her over the weekend and broke it off with her. For no real reason. I knew he was planning to do that - he’d told me when we’d had our drink together. And I’d been right too - her laziness and overly-cosiness was freaking him out. So she’s been feeling awful too - poor love. After the break up with Pete too, it’s all too much in a short time span. But then she told me how Rob gave her a booking for a long weekend at a beautiful log cabin in Scotland. It sounds completely gorgeous - a cabin for two in a remote woodland in Scotland somewhere. She’s really puzzled about it all though. She said that the date on the booking was last week and that Rob wouldn’t say where he’d got it from or who he’d booked it for. Which leads me to think one of two things - he’d either booked it FOR Tam as a present for her and Ade, or he’d booked it for himself and somebody else. Could that somebody have been me? Or is he seeing somebody else too? Has he been seeing somebody else for the whole time we’ve been friends, but I’ve been so caught up with my own sorry state of affairs that I’ve never given him the chance to talk to me about it. Or was it for him and Jen all along? It just doesn’t bear thinking about... “REGAN!” Delaney’s loud voice breaks my trance and I grab my papers and rush to her office. “OK,” I huff and puff, “here.” “Good weekend?” she barks. “No, but let’s not talk about it.” “Oh,” she looks at me a little concerned but says nothing. Thank god. Because I really don’t want to talk about it. I keep thinking about how tormented I‘d been when Danny-the-chav had said how the word monogamous was so like monotonous and I’ve realised how wrong he was. It all depends on who you’re with and if it’s monotonous then you’re either doing it wrong or you’re doing it with the wrong person. Perhaps Jennifer WAS right when she’d said that publicising my ‘inadequacy’ wouldn’t help me to find a decent man. Of course she’d been right, because ultimately when I had the chance with Rob - I blew it. I’m useless. And now I have to put a smile on my face when Delaney shows me the cover for the Woman To Woman Christmas edition.


















And then she shows me the one for the Geezer edition too.





















And I see the bit about Ade Gets Sleigh'd and it reminds me what he's really like. It's worrying me that Ade is my first Sophie Dilemma... I’d eat Delaney’s toenail cuttings out of a dog’s bowl rather than do these 4 dates for Sophie Dilemma. Delaney interrupts, “OK Sophie, we’re loading the SophieDilemma site this week. Going to show you a preview later today.”
Yip!
How to pretend I’m excited?

Chapter Fifty Four
Chapter Fifty Six

Pulling Power #21

One guy's story.

Why can't this happen to me?

I'm so busy thinking how 'it' always happens when you're not expecting it --- that I'm ALWAYS half expecting it!!



Keep 'em coming!

Pulling Power loves your 'lines'!

xx